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Newest Member: tryingtolove (44683)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My wife slept with a man- we're lesbians
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never felt this much hurt in my whole life. I can't stop throwing up. I can't even drink a glass of milk without throwing up.

I'm all over the place. One minute I wana try with her and the next minute I'm screaming and throwing whatever is closest to me. I feel like I can't handle all of this. I'm like a zombie..

Oh (((sadgirl9357))) Reading this broke my heart. I feel your pain in your words.

You already know this isn't about you or anything lacking in your marriage. Your WW's A is all about her brokenness.

If she is truly a sex addict she needs professional help. You have to realize one A does not a sex addict make. So if she honestly believes this about herself, then the "shit sandwich" is probably a LOT bigger then you currently realize.

She is going to have to work very hard to undo all her unhealthy "coping" mechanisms she has developed over her life time. She will not be able to change overnight. If she could change in a day, the A would never have happened.


Normally one would hope that the WS would be healthy enough to help the BS with their healing process, but she may not be much support for you if she has an intimacy disorder.

Please read up on the 180 in the Healing Library and consider using it to protect yourself while you heal you and your wife works on herself.

Post here often if you need to. Also, there is a thread for partners of sex addicts in the I Can Relate Forum. You should take a peek there.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 830 | Registered: Jun 2012
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((big hugs))))

I am so sorry. Please know that the feelings and physical reactions you describe are completely NORMAL. You are not crazy, and you are not alone.

Drink fluids. You don't want dehydration and/or a kidney stone to add to the stuff you are dealing with right now.

You will not always feel like this. I promise. You also do NOT have to make any decisions right now. Take care of you. If one day at a time is too overwhelming, then take it minute by minute.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5766 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you doing today sadgirl?


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36903 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
sadgirl9357
New Member
Member # 39568
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday could've been a good day.. But like everything else these days.. I went from happy to sad almost instantly. Me and my WW went to dinner last night in an attempt to feel closer and ended up talking about things and on the way home I ended up crying. We got steak lobster and fried portobello mushrooms. It all looked amazing but all I could bring myself to eat was two mushrooms.

Later last night my WW started her timeline and she ended up yelling at me and asking me why I couldn't just ask her questions.

I wanted her to write the timeline so she could see on paper everything she's done. I never planned on actually reading the timeline. I couldn't bare it. As it is I know the bare minimum details and it makes me feel sick.

After she said that I felt horrible.. She doesn't even care enough to just write a timeline.. At first I wanted a divorce but then I changed my mind and now I'm thinking if this is what I can expect for R then I don't want any part of it.

This morning driving to work I threw up twice. Im still a zombie. I don't even know how I'm functioning.


Posts: 4 | Registered: Jun 2013
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{sadgirl9357}}}

The early days are the worst. Be kind to yourself.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36903 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sadgirl)))

The early days ARE the worst! Hang in there and whenever possible, keep it simple. I had to make a lot of lists in the beginning. Things like

get up, put gas in the car, eat dinner, set alarm for tomorrow

went on the list.

Glad you are still here.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5766 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
sadgirl9357
New Member
Member # 39568
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to take this time to thank everyone. You guys have given me better advice than anyone else and you're all just strangers. you have no reason to help me and yet you're all here.

Thank you so much.


Posts: 4 | Registered: Jun 2013
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you have no reason to help me and yet you're all here.

I got here the same way you did and got the same wonderful support and advice. I am here paying it forward.

That feeling of gratitude and support (I remember!!) reminded me that I was human and that there were good things and positive feelings still to be had.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5766 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to take this time to thank everyone. You guys have given me better advice than anyone else and you're all just strangers. you have no reason to help me and yet you're all here.


^^^^This!!!!!

Sadgirl, we are all strangers. We have never met you, yet when we see your pain our instincts are to comfort you and to sympathize with you.

What does that say about your wife? Isn't it odd that her reaction is not what complete strangers would offer you?

I think all most all waywards get overwhelmed with shame at times and lash out. But they need to be able to recognize that they have lashed out, come back to us and apologize and offer comfort and compassion. I hope your wife is able to do this for you.

I hope she realizes how hurtful her comment over the timeline was and she can put on her big girl panties and write the timeline for you.

As a side note, I hope you are drinking lots of fluids and staying well hydrated. Eat several very small meals a day. Immediately after dDay I found myself simply cutting up apples and eating on those through out the day.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 830 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 29
Pages: 1 · 2

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