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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Today seemed like a normal day from our prior life ...
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX and our child went canoeing today. I joined them afterward for lunch. We walked around a little then came home to go to the community pool. STBX played with our child and her friends at the pool, then we all went out to dinner. When we came home, he did the normal night time routine with our child and while I was reading to her and putting our child to bed, he came home, he started to pack some necessities. Most of his stuff is still in our house.

For all of the day except the packing, it was as if our life had been rewound to 1.5 years ago, before the deception started. It felt like maybe, he really didn't want to leave and wanted to stay. He even wanted to stay at our house last night because his new place didn't have furniture and he wasn't feeling well. I allowed that. I'm sad and crying but not yet as deeply sad and devastated as I thought I would be.


Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. For your own sanity, you need to create distance between you and him.

He wants to stay at your house? Too bad. He chose this path, he needs to walk it.

Anything else is bullshit and not fair to you.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7653 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^THIS.

(((FieldsOfLavender))) Limbo was hell. Please don't stay to long.

Detaching was incredibly painful but absolutely necessary. It always is.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He even wanted to stay at our house last night because his new place didn't have furniture and he wasn't feeling well.
Poor baby.

Honey - DETACH. For the sake of your sanity and your child's.

He made his choices. Those choices have consequences. Stop saving him from those consequences. Stop cushioning his fall. Stop giving him a soft place to land. He wants out? He's out. Period.

And no more "shiny happy family" days. They confuse the kids and crush the BS's soul. Trust us on this one.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25362 | Registered: Aug 2011
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His apartment is close by. The plan for a few months is that he will join us for dinner every night so that the separation will not be too much of a shock to dd. I admit it helps me to ease into it, too.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
TrustNoOne
♀ Member
Member # 16591
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FieldsOfLavender - God bless you. This isn't easy, no matter the path you choose.

I do worry for you that this slow seperation will create (or elongate) the sadness and semi-dependency you have on your STBX.

Sometimes prolonged weening is worse than cold-turkey, rip the band-aid off pain and loneliness.

I am fairly certain there is no "right" answer...just the one that is right for you; which may or may not match the collective well-intentioned wisdom of the SI masses.

(((((((FieldsOfLavender))))))

[This message edited by TrustNoOne at 10:17 PM, June 17th (Monday)]


Posts: 1323 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: SoCal
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make no mistake - all of this is to alliviate his guilt and will keep your wounds open and bleeding or far longer than they need to be.

You cannot control the outcome but you can control how bad this needs to get.

I for one could not stand to be in his presence knowing he had straight come from OWs bed. I would not put myself nor my children through that. Kids pick up on our stress and putting myself through that would be to their detriment.

You know yourself best so perhaps this is the right course of action for you. For me - no fucking way, not even when I still yearned for him.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Strongbutbroken said.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Topic Posts: 8

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