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User Topic: Frustrated at lack of remorse from 'friend'
Aussiescot
♀ New Member
Member # 39265
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are 14 months out from DDay but have been long time lurkers. If it wasn't for this site & all the wonderful advice you all share, I seriously believe we wouldn't have made it this far!

My Husband to be had a ONS with a friend by association. He is doing his damnest to help me heal with this double betrayal & also learning a great deal from the 'down' days we both have.....which for me seem to be coming back a little too often than expected

The OW still denies to this Day that 'anything' happened at all!!! Still proclaims her innocence to her husband ( I called him 6 weeks after DDay & he mentioned he had thought of hiring a PI years ago on her....wish he had of as this seems to be her lifestyle to this day & I have witnessed her in action) I believe she has lots of personality traits of a sociopath & obviously I blame my FWS for putting us in this hell hole! BUT.....& I'm not excusing his bad behaviour by any means, he has owned his part & wanted to express his apologies right from the start to her husband & still does.

So I feel like I'm really struggling that there has been not one iota of remorse from 'my friend' which understandably won't happen until she stops lying.....& that will never happen even if every Man she has targeted showed up at her doorstep & confessed! I'm soo soo angry with her, angry at him for accepting her aggressive advances & I want her to stop driving near my home.....she has the excuse that she takes her kids to school that way ( but there is other roads she could take & how dare I ask that of her....apparently it was 'gold' that I make such a request!!!)

When I confronted her she denied denied denied & became very snakey with me.I then asked if her husband knew about all her 'other' rendezvous & the truck driver she was meeting when he was in town......ooh then she let me know just how important our 'friendship' was to her & the crocodile tears started! My names Tilly not silly love lol! Her mask was falling off & she knew it!

This has affected a friendship of mine, a mutual friend of mine & OW's & I truly believe the OW may have felt threatened by me not sure why but just a feeling I get, part of the destruction is I have now no contact with that friend! Guess she felt put in the middle?

I know the ONS would have left this OW worse for wear as apparently my WS did not complete the 'job' & told her to 'stop'.....not something she would have been used to & kind of explains the early stalking of driving slooowly past our house! I struggle with the lack of conscience of what she's done, her nasty comments to me like 'everything is always about you ( me) & why didn't I ask how her sick Dad was while I was standing in a freezing car park begging her to tell me the truth about her & my WS!!!! Stupid me even apologised for that.....trying to appeal to the narcissist that she is ewwww! Epic fail on my behalf!

Suppose I'm just ranting & probably not making much sense with my waffling......but guess we have to start somewhere eh?


BS 39
4 DD's
DD 2012
New life started march 2014, false R! Still on the rollercoaster but will ride it out until the end.....because that's just how I roll

Posts: 47 | Registered: May 2013
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping for you. Welcome to SI! Others will be along with advice and support. Hang in there and keep posting.


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13286 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
Aussiescot
♀ New Member
Member # 39265
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really should have started this post with the question intended sorry

I think I just wanted to hear if the frustration & anger is justifiable at this stage out from DDay, especially since my WS is trying?

Since I see her almost daily I seem to go from totally ignoring her to letting her get the best of me....ie. being a friggin child & blowing my cheeks up like a big fat 'puffa fish' to even waving at her! Wtf am I doing.....I am becoming a person I hate but I know it hurts me more sarcasm isn't my best trait!


BS 39
4 DD's
DD 2012
New life started march 2014, false R! Still on the rollercoaster but will ride it out until the end.....because that's just how I roll

Posts: 47 | Registered: May 2013
Aussiescot
♀ New Member
Member # 39265
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks soo much mo2


BS 39
4 DD's
DD 2012
New life started march 2014, false R! Still on the rollercoaster but will ride it out until the end.....because that's just how I roll

Posts: 47 | Registered: May 2013
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I just wanted to hear if the frustration & anger is justifiable at this stage out from DDay, especially since my WS is trying?

Your WS could be the MODEL wayward, do everything right, be remorseful, take the lead on initiating A talk, get you into MC, truly OWN HIS SHIT...and you will STILL get angry and frustrated.

Because YOU didn't make this choice. YOU didn't bring this into your life. YOU have to deal with the fallout of it. You have to process it, work on it, and get through it. THIS NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

You shouldn't HAVE to deal with it.


Having that bitch drive past your house on purpose (because that's what's she's doing--she's trying to get a reaction out of you) is going to trigger you every time until it doesn't anymore.

You will never get remorse from her. You will never get anything you need from her. Treat her like the nothing that she is.

Look through her. She's not really there. She's not worth your notice.

I'm sorry she's impacting your other friendship....maybe you should re-evaulate how important that friendship is to you?

I just wanted you to know that I think you're completely normal. And yeah, it's normal to still be angry with your WS even when they're doing everything right. You're still dealing with what he did. It's natural and normal to be hurt and angry after being betrayed.

(((((((((Aussiescot))))))))

[This message edited by itainteasy at 7:01 AM, June 17th (Monday)]


Posts: 3286 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Aussiescot
♀ New Member
Member # 39265
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you itainteasy
You are soo right & just reading your reply this morning gave me the strength to ignore her again.........still wouldn't mind investing in an army tanker at some stage


BS 39
4 DD's
DD 2012
New life started march 2014, false R! Still on the rollercoaster but will ride it out until the end.....because that's just how I roll

Posts: 47 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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