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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 3...
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I doubt that it can be done overnight. you have been documenting? this is definitely something that has to go before your attorney tomorrow.

she has been speaking to someone. legally, her actions have dictated that she had abandoned the marital home. that would be a huge step in awarding primary custody to you.

you will need to speak to your attorney about establishing a temporary custody situation. she already has a second residence. she is the one who moved out.

again, it boils down you speaking to your attorney. ASAP! I know the overtime would be prohibitively expensive, but do you have an after hours number you can call your attorney?

calm down, the games are just beginning. she can claim whatever she wants! it's what she can prove. so far her actions have shown you to be the better parent. remember, she is the one who left the children in your care, in the marital home. that doesn't speak well to her being afraid of leaving the children alone with you now does it.

strength brother


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2542 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

make sure that voice activated recorder is with you everywhere!

e.t.a twitchy is right. I don't see any way you can prevent her from moving back in if the house is in her name. separate bedrooms, lock the door.

is there a family member that can come over?

[This message edited by 5454real at 7:32 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2542 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't try to fight the lies just live honestly and do what you believe is best for you and your kids. You can't deal logically with illogical people.

Document everything, including all the crazy from her. Her f'd up decision making, when spelled out later in detail, will be her undoing.

[This message edited by Twitchy at 7:32 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 609 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD,
Little power plays like this are exactly why you should file (and file first). It puts HER on the defensive, not you.

As the previous two posters mentioned, get to your lawyer NOW. Try to get temp orders (custody and use of the house) so that she cant use this threat anymore.
She's already abandoned the house (and has a lease in her name to prove it).
Don't tell her you're going to do it. Just do it.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6064 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Grace and Flowers
♀ Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait, wait wait....

Two pages back you said she was on the "mortgage" and that you were thinking you'd need to pay her half the equity of the house.

Now you say the house is leased?

Which is it? Because that does make a big difference. And I'm not sure how you could be unsure of which it is.

Something is not right, here.


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1148 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he's referring to the lease that his WW took out on her own apartment.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6064 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Grace and Flowers
♀ Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, well then the question is....is she on the deed to the house? On the mortgage?

Either way, you can keep her from moving in. Go to your lawyer tomorrow. Or wait til later in the week and watch her move in. The lawyer will take care if this tomorrow, if you call him/her and stress the urgency.


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1148 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Correct: her name is on her apartment lease.

She just called again and declared again that "the only thing that is acceptable is 50/50 custody." So arrogantly thinking she can dictate the agreement. Her usual clueless bullying tactics.

I texted my attorney and told her whats going on. She absolutely can't see me before Wednesday.

My wife is going to be out of town until Friday, so I doubt (hope) she won't speak to an attorney before then to do something stupid like somehow serve papers on me demanding I leave our home.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shit. Tell me again to calm down, the law is on my side, anything reassuring. I'm starting to freak out.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dad, do NOT answer her at ALL. Just let her text her crazy texts, and do NOT take the bait. NC, TOTALLY until you see the lawyer. Especially if she is going out of town for the week. Do not feed the drama llama.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5365 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she has rights to the house SO DO YOU! Don't start freaking out. Breath, and think logically. You have the ball rolling with your lawyer. Practice NC. You just have to get thru until Wednesday. You can do it.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 737 | Registered: Feb 2011
justabrokendream
♀ Member
Member # 3075
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you do have a good attorney - also hope you let her do her job.

Posts: 292 | Registered: Jan 2004 | From: CA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dad, just chill out.
Your batshit-crazy stbxww is the kind of person that'll hang herself with her own rope. You don't even have to do anything.

Since she's going to be out-of-town this week, it's a perfect time to do the NC thing without having to worry about her 'showing up'.

There really isn't anything that you need to talk to her about at this point and there's definitely absolutely nothing that she needs to talk to you about. She's just trying to get you all twisted up....and she's doing a mighty fine job of it.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7685 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

N/C, N/C, N/C. Positively no need to have any conversations with her other than by text. When her number appears on caller ID, have DS answer. When she tells DS she needs to talk to you, have him tell her you are busy(and find something to do like laundry/dishes) and will text her later. Use this respite well.

You absolutely need to profitably use this time to get your ducks in a row.

Since she is out of town until Friday, hopefully you can have the paperwork to hand her upon her return granting you temporary custody and living arrangements based on the current agreed to practice. Has that been a 50/50 proposition? Who has had the children more? Set up temporary C/S and S/S based on her current(and former) income levels. At those support levels, what is the likelihood she could afford the house around the corner.

Yes, you currently appear to have the upper hand, but the longer you delay the more advantage you cede to her. It definitely sounds like she has lawyered up.

Strength.

ETA clarity

[This message edited by 5454real at 8:25 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2542 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stay NC until you talk with your Attorney. She is working you.
I would not only recommend making sure she can't have the bedroom, but also changing the locks to anything she may have keys to on the house. If she questions it, tell her you lost yours. It won't keep her out permanently, but will slow her butt down.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7795 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait. Take a deep breathe. Logically can she do this? Meaning did she not sign a lease for this new apartment she is in? She would have to break that lease and lose her deposit I would think.

Listen, she is hoovering you. Meaning again she went from hugging you and giving love bombs to the next day threatening you that she is moving back in.

Again. Take a deep breathe.

Get all paperwork together that you will need for the attorney on Wednesday. Get all your ducks in a row.


Posts: 5607 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get to your attorney asap. See if he/she can fit you in before Wed. I really doubt that it is impossible. You want those temp orders, like, yesterday. Save the texts she is sending you.

Title is generally irrelevant in family law. It does not matter whose names are on deeds, mortgages etc. The abandonment concept is not relevant. Because you have no temp orders, she has the right to move back. Please make sure you change that as soon as you can.

[This message edited by roughroadahead at 9:07 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 725 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Change the locks on the house. NOW. Install a lock on the bedroom door while you are at it. Don't forget the garage. Prevent her from getting back inside!

The best defense is a good offence. Do not do kid exchanges at your house anymore. ALWAYS go somewhere else to meet her.

Teach your kids to get out on the passenger side of the car. You stay on the drivers side.

Program your phone to play the "silence" ring tone. Do not answer it. Set it to NOT notify you of incoming texts. Look for contact from her no more than 2 times a day when you have the kids.

I encourage you to read up on boundaries and start working on plugging every hole and pore that lets her get to you.

WAR ON LOVEBOMBS. They are toxic.

Expect her to cut her trip short.

Start looking at alternative housing for you and the kids. If she starts taking action on trying to get back in the house, you can let her know you will include the cost of you moving into a rental to get away from her in your CS demands.

Then she can start thinking about what it will cost for her to be on the hook for her apartment rent, the mortgage, AND your new rental home.

You may find the process of searching for new housing empowering. Give it a try.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1086 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't change the locks until you have orders for use of the house.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 725 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
phillygirl
♀ Member
Member # 9078
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD,

You are doing sooo much better than when you first came here. You are now clearly aware of the game and how it's played. Well done on that.

But now, you have to go against much of your nature in order to win this game.

You are a nice person, you are naturally honest, fair and care about others. Your WW knows this and will use your good nature against you. Example, the constant contact. She knows that it is not in your nature to be "rude" and ignore her. So she will keep emailing, calling, texting, etc, with the crazy, to keep you off balance.

Shut her down.

No more contact at all unless it's an emergency - A real emergency that involves fire, death or dismemberment. Let her calls go to voicemail. Any emails that do not have a bonafide question that needs to be answered (What time will you pick up the kids?) should get crickets. Everything else document and save for later in case you need it.

Do you have proof that she signed an apartment lease or documentation that she moved out? Like an email from her saying she got an apartment? If you do, I would then change the locks. She moved out. Sucks to be her. For this one I would ask for forgiveness and not permission. You need piece of mind.


Me - BW
Him - WH
Divorced - 7/2013

Posts: 824 | Registered: Dec 2005
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