She left before we did and we helped clean up. FWH said to his SIL, "I put K's mug back in the cupboard." No biggie. Well, SIL gets out her phone and texts this woman "FWH says...." Then, there was a whole text exchange between them "no thanks, it's tainted now." "My brother isn't diseased" etc. FWH did not get involved, but it made me feel uncomfortable. His sister is getting divorced from the OM from her first marriage, and has had several inappropriate relationships. She has no boundaries, and while I consider her a friend of the marriage, in that I don't think she would deliberately do anything to hurt our M, I am concerned. She likes to drop by our place for coffee unannounced since FWH works from home, and I have this fear that she will show up with this woman sometime. I can see her talking up FWH to this woman.
She doesn't know about the A, and I don't really want her to. I think if she or MIL knew we would be gossip fodder for the whole extended family. I shared my worry with FWH who said if they showed up he would tell her he couldn't stop for coffee. He is empathetic and sorry that he put us in this position, but we are here.
It may never happen, but if it does, what to do? I feel like I'm worrying for nothing but I get a bad feeling about this woman and it is something I can see his sister doing.
I shared my worry with FWH who said if they showed up he would tell her he couldn't stop for coffee. He is empathetic and sorry that he put us in this position, but we are here.
I like how your FWH already has a plan to put up a wall to protect your marriage. He sounds like he understands how he hurt you and wants to protect you.
Does he see his sisters lack of boundaries? Did he notice that the neighbor was flirting with him? How did he feel about that?
He agrees that his sister acts inappropriately, and it bothers him. As for the neighbor, he says he didn't notice, and I believe him, based on the way he was acting. He was very attentive to me, actually, standing with his arms around me and whispering. When I told him he said he didn't notice it but if I got a bad feeling about her then he trusts my judgement.
Every once in a while FWH and I come across men or women who put off this vibe, and we immediately alert the other, and then they are on the watch list from then on.
It sounds like you both did the right thing which was NOT to play into her game, and to communicate about it. Sometimes a "you're an idiot" gesture to the offender helps. For example, if he had not responded to her at all, but immediately marched into the kitchen, put the mug in the sink, and gotten a new one, would have sent the message that he doesn't feel like playing with the children today.
No just trying to be funny with K. She'll try something different next time, but you both will be ready.
"needs more attention than is appropriate"
OMG, this nails it! Yes, SIL needs a ton of attention and tends to gravitate to others like her.