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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Blood on the moon
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was at my moms today just hanging out, baking cookies and talking it up after my H went to work for the night. By the time I left my moms house it was already dark out. I got down the road before I realized that there is blood on the moon. If you dont know, its a sign that there will be blood shed in your life in the near future. I drove past my H work to make sure he was there and to my surprise, the ex OW wasnt. So thats a good thing but now I feel on edge. We had a good day today and our life has been strangely drama free (outside of his recent affair). But now I feel on edge, like im being watched by an unwelcome presence. I have a feeling that the ex OW (as of 2 months ago) is gonna try to make a come back at my H or me. She had an attitude with me when I finally got to confront her the other day, which leads me to believe that she is scornful. I don't know much about her other than her irrational decision making process, so this sign coupled her lack understanding that a married man never leaves his wife for the mistake/ OW has made her either have a grudge for him for turning her down or for me for taking him back. I don't understand why she would have an atitude with me when she pursued my H. I feel like she was getting attention from a man out of her league and ran with it, even telling him a sob story about her ex. I cant shake this uneasy feeling and they're affair is the only thing thats happened lately. I don't trust either of them as far I as I could throw them... and they're both twice my size.

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 1:10 AM, June 15th (Saturday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Blood on the moon?" Sounds so ominous. I hope this superstition turns out to be false and the worst is already behind you. Hope you're having a good day.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im not the kind of person that has good luck or fortune. Bad things happen to me regardless of hard I try to do the right thing and be a good person. If I didnt have bad luck, I wouldnt have any luck at all. Things have been good lately but I know bad circumstances are just around the corner for me.

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 10:23 AM, June 17th (Monday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I didnt have bad luck, I wouldnt have any luck at all.

Gently, if this is how you usually feel, please talk with someone about this - a friend, a pastor, an IC. You don't have to live like this.

[This message edited by sisoon at 12:00 PM, June 17th (Monday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am seeing a MC with my H. They both tell me its not good to think like that but being a glass half empty kind of person helps me to be less gullible and it makes it hard for me to believe anyone if I feel what they're saying isn't credible, ie, body language, tone of voice, facial expressions. I can lie my ass off all day long and get away with it but I dont and I cant stand people who do. I have bad luck becuase I see how bad the world really is. People with supposedly good luck get by, by telling themselves lies about how bad everything really is. Ive been beaten down by life and im not ok with it. I have a narcissistic father, abusive older sister, and neglectful family all together. I was beaten and raped by my ex when I was a teenager, lost 1 of 2 babies in utero, almost lost the 3rd in labor, came within an inch of getting my head trampled by a 1400 lb horse and the man I gave 2 sons and 6 1/2 years of my life to decides that cheating with a girl he barely knows is the best way to go about solving his problems instead of talking to the woman hes "in love with" first. I have been given 4 lifetimes worth of pain and suffering that is not self inflicted, im tired of surving every blow life throws at me. I am stronger but im also exhausted by this life long battle within itself. The worst part is, is that im only 24 years old. I know I will die a long painful death by the hands of someone elses doing, an accident caused by them that ripples out into my life. Ill have no control over it, not deserving it but I will be the only one that suffers a consequence. Im dealing with it, I won't stop living because of all the shity things in this world. I will be successful in the end because when every one is dying with a guilty conscience, I won't be. I think im just more aware of how things work in this world, other people should be too but im not hiding it. Every time something ceases to exist, it makes room for something new to exist. I just choose not to look at what exists through rainbow goggles. I see it for what it is. Sorry for the ranting and raving.

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 11:22 PM, June 17th (Monday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you get into IC and make the transition from victim to survivor. I fear that you are going to leave a terribly fatalistic and pessimistic view of the world as a legacy to your child. I know what it's like to be beaten and raped, abused and neglected and hurt by everyone. I also know what it's like to flail around in in self-pity for years. It's no way to live. Get help.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im not playing the victim, im just not taking anyones bull shit anymore. I will have my standards from now on and if people cant meat my expectations then ill let them know. No one will tred on me for their own selfish reasons anymore. If people get hurt in the process, they'll live. If im happy and others are happy for me, they will follow suit in my life.


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

being a glass half empty kind of person helps me to be less gullible

You're lying to yourself. For example, you apparently believe a 'blood on the moon' superstition that has no basis in fact. That's being pretty gullible. Another example: you're telling yourself you'll die a horrible death, and there's no way you can know how you'll die unless you plan to arrange it a certain way. That's pretty gullible.

I haven't suffered anything like you have, but I was a pessimist for the vast majority of my life. I became an optimist, starting about 14 years ago - it was a switch that took several years. Believe me, as an optimist I have a far more accurate view of reality than I ever did as a pessimist.

It's very true you've been treated horribly. You HAVE been victimized. I fully understand that you feel terrible grief, rage, physical pain all over, and, especially, dear.

But there's nothing real in your images of your future, unless you choose to make them real.

Please, take care of yourself. Look for Cs who have helped people recover from trauma - someone may be just the person to help you.

If you get the help that works for you, you can heal and thrive. It will be hard, painful work, but the work can enable you to end the pain. You can conjure up positive images for your life and make many of them real. Life entails suffering, of course. If you become an optimist and do some serious healing from your many traumas, you'll still stub your toes, miss goals, lose loved ones, and you've already experienced things that no one should ever experience, but there's plenty of joy and satisfaction to be had, if you open yourself to the possibilities. There are no guarantees, unfortunately, but give yourself a chance....

But you wrote about 'blood on the moon'....

That's pure superstition. Absolutely meaningless. I understand why you're scaring yourself, and I hope you stop doing so.

[This message edited by sisoon at 1:17 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Cool  Posted: 6:06 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Calling blood on the moon a superstition is like calling a crucifix or cross necklace a superstition. You believe something outside of what I believe, that doesnt make it a superstition. Native americans had a different god or goddess for every individual thing in their world. To you, a corn god may sound stupid but to them, its the spirit they pray to in hopes to have a successful crop. Its fine to speak your mind and comment on posts, hence forum, but its very disrespectful to call something that someone else believes in a superstition, especially when I had nothing offensive about believes in my post. I have seen what happends after the blood on the moon appears and I believe in it. After all, the moon plays a big role in the rise of the tides but thats not silly is it. Im more positive then your giving me credit for, this is only one post and I haven't done away with myself even after everything ive been through. I have things to live for that far out way the bad and its exhausting but im not giving up this early. With or without my H I can have a good life and honestly he plays a big role in my happiness but I know there's life outside of our relationship. I will die someday and so will everyone else but I know it won't be self inflicted for me. There's nothing wrong with admitting or coming to terms with death. And yes, im hurt, scared and venting. Im just beginning this roller coaster ride of emotions, if youve been betrayed, youve gone through similar feelings and issues in your own unique situation. I just hope no one disrespects you in your space or your posts.

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 6:10 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your point is well taken, and I apologize. Let me rephrase:

WRT blood on the moon, for one thing, you completely ignore all the people who see blood on the moon and who don't experience bloodshed in their lives in the near future. That sounds 'gullible' to me.

You say you know bad circumstances are right around the corner for you. How do you know that? My bet is that you can't reliably predict the future. Why would you say that?

Please reread Knowing's post and follow her advice. Self-pity is poison.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 10

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