[This message edited by shortee126 at 9:48 PM, June 14th (Friday)]
Hoping for Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom!!!!
But I know where you're coming from because Mother's Day was sort of a hard process for me. I wanted it to be celebrated and I wanted him to get mushy, but I was also kindy pissy (it was kind of triggery that he could have an A while I was being mommy...and then try to celebrate it). It was a mix of emotions and I wasn't clear on what I wanted/needed. And, just like you, I felt this low-grade sadness mixed with love.
Instead of a card - maybe just a gift? I mean, if you want to express something to him, but don't feel right about the "deep stuff" - keep it superficial. Or write your own letter if the cards aren't expressing it right for you.
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
You don't have to go all out of your way until your heart matches with what the card says.
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)
On the other hand, I found during R that loving feelings follow loving actions. Perhaps you can try that approach and see if it helps with some of the negative feelings you are struggling with. There is no harm in showing someone you care; even though your heart may be telling you something else.
I do understand how you feel. So sorry for what you are going though.
Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.
Maybe I can find one that talks about what a wonderful father he has been, tossing balls to his boys, teaching them to ride a bike... None of which is true. I used to be a nice person. Honest. I really was.
[This message edited by Ladyogilvy at 11:28 PM, June 14th (Friday)]
i used to love spending time in the card aisle picking just the right card.
i did this before the a...during the a...and during the false r.
i am not ready to spend any significant amount of time getting him a mushy card from me at all.
For Father's Day, he has already received some gifts (I got him some new stuff for his Big Green Egg, and our son came home with new barbeque tools). Other surprises to come.
I've planned a big cookout celebration-he loves those.
Finally10 is working hard in IC to learn empathy and how to be emotionally conscious and totally honest always, so I am giving his work on these things a nod with this celebration of Fatherhood. He is becoming a better father and is owning his faults for the most part. I want him to know I see his progress, hence a nice celebration for him.
Finding a card that I like is tough, so I will probably write something myself.
As I experience this I find comfort in the role a Father has in protecting the family.
Someone else mentioned that their WS actions were as much a betrayal of the family as it was of them. I concur. It is something to see such a threat come from someone so close as a spouse is. BS will do well to think about this and know their WS must live with their decisions....rebuilding or divorcing, they will bear that cross forever.
I have come a good distance from last Fall. I am grateful for that.
I am also grateful for the life I have and the girls that my wife and I conceived during better times. I am grateful for my wife, faults and all. I have become a better man through these trials. This is the worse part of for better or worse.
Just like a person fighting cancer...I don't know the outcome of this. I have hope for the future and faith in God. I draw strength from my role as a Dad and know that the pain I feel as I work to rebuild and, in turn, protect my family, is effort well spent.
God bless us all...but particularly Fathers today.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:49 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.