My WH suggested he enable his "find my iphone" app for me so I could periodically check up on him last week. It felt good that he took the initiative to do something I had not even thought about to help make me feel better when I'm triggering. Today, he said he was out working on the field and I got a weird feeling (as I often do while he's at work because that's when his A was occurring- work hours), so I went to check the app. It tells me location services has been disabled. I called him very upset, asked him how he could do that, told him to turn it on right away and prove where he was.
I could tell over the phone he wanted to get angry and tell me to f- off, but he kept his cool, said he knew this was all his fault. He sent me screen shots that showed on his phone that everything was on (location services, find my iphone), he sent me a picture of where he was. He said that as frustrating as it is to have to live like this, he'll do whatever it takes to earn my trust again.
I looked into the reasons as to thy the app wasn't working, it turned out to be a pretty common glitch with the phone, told us how to fix it, and he was able to do it as per the instructions.
As ridiculous as it all might seem from an outsider perspective, not being able to locate him really set me off, and I was very happy with the way he handled it to make me feel better. I really hope I don't have to live feeling like this forever though...
Kudos to your WH for being proactive and for keeping control of his emotions in check when you were triggering.
It gives me hope when I see a wayward spouse who gets it.
It's nice to see that your WH went out of his way to reassure you that all was well. As long as he continues to be contrite and remorseful, the days like today will slow down. As some say around here.....just keep swimming.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I think the locator apps are useful for recovery as long as you realize they aren't 100% trustworthy and you FWH is able to reassure you.