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User Topic: So what's the proper response?
KeepOnMovin
♂ Member
Member # 38245
Question  Posted: 1:54 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What’s the proper response when a friend (girlfriend or wife) says she’s fat or asks if she looks fat? i.e. “I look fat when I’m standing next to you.”


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just say "no you don't honey, I'm the one who looks fat standing next to you." Then run out of the room before she can ask another "fat" question.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
lost_in_toronto
♀ Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I was just thinking how beautiful you look standing next to me."


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1678 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Look puzzled and say "What cat planning to poo?"


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4005 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You never look fat to me."


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20292 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about "you are more beautiful today than the day we were married."


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
KeepOnMovin
♂ Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What if she's not really a girlfriend, but just an interested acquaintance? New beginning kind of thing...


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"So put down the cheeseburger" isn't the right answer, right?

Kidding!

I think something like "I was just thinking how lovely you look" is the right choice.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I prefer no response. I'm usually not looking for confirmation, validation, or advice, just thinking out loud. To me it just means I should keep an eye on my fitness, or this outfit doesn't work for me. As long as I have a healthy idea in my head, and know what looks good on me, other's opinions aren't going to carry much weight.

My SO has tried every response in the book, I think he is trying to break me of my habit of calling myself fat but to me its more hyperbole than anything.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Look her up and down thoughtfully and say... "Well, you could stand to exercise." Then run like hell!!!

J/K

Whatever you say, make sure there is NO hesitation at all!

"You never look fat to me."

Personally I hate this one... not sure why.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24597 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
KeepOnMovin
♂ Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When STBX used to say those kinds of things; "I look fat" or "I feel fat", I always responded, "You look just perfect to me." But it wasn't really quite good enough I guess.


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That would be perfect for me.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1296 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about, "You always look great to me." If this is met with another protest you can add, "Well, if you are concerned about your weight there are so many options out there."

Sometimes I wish people would focus on solutions more then throwing out the awkward comment and letting it hang there for others to deal with!

[This message edited by LA44 at 7:26 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2462 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You are a beautiful woman and I wouldn't want you to change a thing" has gotten pretty good reactions from me. Depending on the situation you can swap "beautiful" for "sexy" but with an interested acquaintance, that would probably hurt you more than help you.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are perfect the way you are.

and depending on who it is I follow it with an I love you.

I have been on the fat side and thin side, body/weight issues suck.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you think the proper response is?

It's NOT,

Well, if you are concerned about your weight there are so many options out there."
That is for another conversation---and there will be an opening for that, if that's the real concern.

"I look fat," means, "please tell me I am beautiful."

The proper response is, "You look beautiful."


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8849 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
sadcat
♀ Member
Member # 8637
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The correct response to this (and related questions) is always "You look great!" Or "you are beautiful!"


I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.


Posts: 13259 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: GA
Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a women I find this odd of other women to say. I have never asked this of my spouse or thought this.

Why do some women ask these questions?


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 19

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