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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 11
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does Hallmark make cards for this shit?

Front: "To the greatest lover in the world"
Inside: "Or at least that's what everyone tells me."

or

Front: "I don't know what I would do without you in my life...."
Inside: "But I'm sure I'd find something productive to do with the time I normally spend checking your cell phone bill."

or

Front: "I didn't know what to get you on this special day..."
Inside: "But your gift of the clap was especially thoughtful."

LOL
Awesome. I know there has to be a market for this. Seriously. I want to say happy anniversary so ill be courteous but....
I've got nothin
Don't get me wrong. I'm still kind. Ill buy flowers on an off day for no occasion but I don't go overboard. That's just me
Keep the card ideas coming


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DR - that's hilarious!!!

Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i used to be the 'acts of service' and 'giving gifts' kinda guy. now, I just dont care (or, at least, care less). earlier on in the detachment, I had problems NOT doing acts of service or buying gifts - it kinda went against what I was used to and what I felt I NEEDed to do as a H; no matter what W was behaving like. Add to that the almost near perfect buttons she had installed to satiate her entitlement. oh, and she pressed them so many times till she kinda gave up when they stopped working.

another thing she lost along with any respect, admiration, love or affection I felt for her. wonder what else she will lose (and keep losing out on) till she wakes up, or maybe not. whether it is protecting the OMs, or utter remorselessness or just her inability to change - whatever it is, I hope its really worth it for her to keep losing everything from me and from this M and worth the damage its doing and going to do to our kids.

fuck flowers, expensive gifts, trips, dates, chocolates or anniversaries; all that bought me was another mans cream down her throat and more disrespect and remorselessness from her. nice.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I spent years not even mentioning our anniversary. I told her it wasn't worth it anymore. To her credit she took it pretty well.

We have been celebrating for the last 4 years or so. It was very hard for me the first time we celebrated it again.


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Coming up on the second post D-day. Happens to be the 10th according to the marriage license. Conflicted as to whether to treat it as such.

She's remorseful. Trying hard for the most part. Thinking of treating it as a special day, but not in any way shape or form I ever envisioned my 10th anniversary.

Gotta go back to the old country standard. "I Gave Her a Ring and She Gave Me the Finger".


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2063 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, we celebrated our 10th last year, first one after DDay. I still don't know what to celebrate.

We were at a pool party last summer and met a new couple. They asked how long we had been married. I said 6 years, fWW said 10. They looked at us funny.

Do those 3 years really count? Sure doesn't feel like it to me.

[This message edited by slater13 at 11:07 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I was just reading in wayward...I kicked him out- is the thread. WW kicked out BH/ SAHD because he wasn't healing, and had anger outbursts. She also says he is dependent on her and she wants him to stay for her, not b/c he is dependent.

This thread infuriates me. As men, we need to pay attention to this shit. She cheated, why is he getting kicked out? He is the SAHD, the main parent, why does he have to leave his 4 yo daughter? If the genders were switched, he would be a total asshole, imagine the guy cheating then kicking out the wife, with no job and he keeps the kid?? But instead she is just doing what she needs to do. An independent woman.

Boys, the world is changing. It is time for the backlash, but the press has all of us men thinking we need to lay down and take this shit> I'm pissed and you should be too.


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is supposed to be coming up on the 31st. I don't think I'm going to say anything.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the genders were switched, he would be a total asshole, imagine the guy cheating then kicking out the wife, with no job and he keeps the kid??

yup, that thread kinda got to me too. The guy does seem to need some help, hope he gets some.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2380 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've seen it too often in many posts; contrast a WW coming in for help vs a WH and you'll see what I mean. The larger narrative is that societally, there is far more support and understanding for a WW to the point that many times it feels like she needs to be coddled after this horrible thing 'that happened' and quite often a lot of blame is heaped on the BH.

I'm not asking for outright condemnation of either genders' waywards, yet, at the same time, there needs to be consistency in the advise meted out.

I think more of us here should post out in wayward and general.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The guy does seem to need some help, hope he gets some.

Too bad the WW doesn't point him here - he could get some good advice from the men on SI. Even in JFO and General there is great advice for BH's. Hell, I spent a long time in JFO before venturing down to the Menz thread...I was a bit skeered.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3294 | Registered: Dec 2011
reallyscrewedup7
♂ Member
Member # 30825
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Tred, how are you doing?

I try to avoid Wayward because, well, I get my daily fill of selfish at the clinic.

But I saw what your wife posted. Crapola...

We are here for you if you need us.


Infidelity sucks shit

Posts: 879 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Finding my way
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey RSU! Thanks man. It's tough. Something I knew for a while, but I'm just at the point where I'm not going to be her thought police. I only asked her to see if she would tell me the complete truth (that I knew of - I'll never know the complete truth). I've been trying to do more self care and concentrate on my own health. Not detaching, as I don't think that would be healthy for us, but doing things like cutting up a huge Scarlett Oak we lost in Sandy with my son, golf, getting ready to go to Jamaica with a mate in September. I need a recharge, looking forward to laying on the beach reading, golfing, doings some hiking, having a few drinks. The way I see it is she knows enough about this shit to do what's healthy and what she needs to do.

I'm just watching actions - she stopped IC and hasn't gone back. I don't think it was doing anything for her in any event. It's just status quo really - not limbo. It's not like things are bad, we just seem to be on cruise control. Now I know she'll still break NC and keep secrets from me. That she still thinks of her AP after all this time. I don't know if she's bitter because it turned out that she thought they had something special, and he was just using her and several other women. I know she really cared for him, thought the world of him really. He could do no wrong until he threw her under the bus and she found out he wasn't exclusive with her. They had a long intense relationship. Maybe there's more she hasn't told me and that's eating at her too. Who the fuck knows. Infidelity sucks shit and betrayal is forever.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3294 | Registered: Dec 2011
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred

Mine did this.....after a year she stopped going to IC...she stopped reading....was more than happy to just carry on. She talked about it openly for about a year and a few months...but at some point in early 2012....by Oct 2012 it was over. We have not mentioned the A since Oct 2012...our round bout 2 year DDay anti. She had moved on from it....she does make comments though....here and there. Expressing remorse....shame for bringing pain and embaressment yada yada. I don't know where you go from the 2 year point on....I guess at some point you do have to move on if you feel healthy enough to do so.

Ugh.......if I am healthy and ok....then why am I still here reading every day....


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 753 | Registered: Jun 2011
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LG,

Sounds like rugsweeping to me. I know I'm not healthy yet - or at least that's what the neuropsychologist treating me for PTSD says . And I would have to say my WW hasn't moved on from it yet, or she still wouldn't be Googling her AP to see what's up in his life. Or his wife and their daughter...I guess she found out that his daughter was actually "their" daughter - she was told that she was from a previous relationship. Maybe it bugs her that they used their daughters room for their sessions, and all along she thought that there wasn't much of a connection of the daughter to the mother. Hell, I joked about breaking our son's room in while he was at camp and she was like "in our son's room? Really???". I guess it's ok in your AP's daughters bedroom but not for us in our own house. Yeah, I'm not close to healthy yet.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3294 | Registered: Dec 2011
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry about this tred}}}} its all sucks shit..

If its any consolation, I'd say kudos to your W fessing up and posting. It looks like she at least wants to get it, and seeing herself that she hasn't yet. In my sich and many others here in BM, we don't even know the full truth 2 or 3 years out, let alone when or how she's breaking NC... Top it with an attitude of not even wanting to work on getting it and you can see how, at some level of this shit sandwich, you might be moving closer to some progress.

I can see the sterling advice she's getting so I hope there is some growth from this.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll say one thing though, her admitting breaking NC is a big step. One of the things I learnt from the Affair Recovery program which seemed realistic was that there is always a chance of relapse and what you do about it is what matters more than the relapse itself. If the breaking of NC with admission and seeking help is the extent of the relapse, by AR standards, she's doing well. The point being that the WS is vigilant on themselves and not letting the relapse start a new cycle of shame and deceit.

Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
PowerGlo
♂ Member
Member # 34132
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In response to the WW who threw her BH out of the house my story is similar. My WW refused to leave our house and made it so bad by continuing her lying and deceit that I chose to move out to regain some sanity. Since then she has filed a restraining order against me so now I can’t go anywhere near my house or her(no problem there as it has been a blessing in disguise in the detachment department.) WW has turned my boys against me making me look like some sort of villain for wanting to divorce her for her adulterous ways. My oldest son has now assaulted me for what he believes she is telling him. She lies to everyone who will listen to her. My in laws treat me like a criminal snubbing their high and mighty noses at me when they see me. WW is out to punish me even more than the pound of flesh and heart stomping I’ve already endured from her Adult Friend Finder affairs. It was two years ago she created her profile in AFF. She drove all over the Bi-State area to hook up with random strangers for sex. Pictures, text messages, emails – the entire gamut of random sexual hookups, then the lies, deceit, trickle truth, breaking no contact, secret phones, secret text messaging that ran the course of another entire year. Yet I am somehow the bad guy in all of this because I actually got angry. Yes guys believe it or not I was somewhat angry. I am the bad guy for finally putting my foot down and not accepting her bullshit any longer. I am the bad guy for trying to keep my family together despite her fucked upness. I am the bad guy for not forgiving her. I am the bad guy for wanting to move forward with my life and not being stuck in her shit storm world. I am the bad guy who remained faithful. I am the bad guy for standing by her side and trying to get her through it.

She has it all wrong and she will be sorry because deep down she knows I am not a bad guy at all. She’ll never meet a better man than me. She threw it all away and of course has to blame it all on me. That’s okay, I have big shoulders and I’ve had 25 years of carrying her so what’s one more thing right? I will come out of this shit storm with my head held up high because I know I’ve tried to do the right thing through it all. She just couldn’t accept it. Peace out brothers…


Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life


Posts: 133 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NW Indiana
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Noescape,

Unfortunately, she didn't fess up. I knew about it, waited a while to see if she would tell me about it, then asked her about it. That's when she "fessed". I already had all the data I needed - sometimes she forgets that I was a computer scientist before I was just a manager . It would be hard for her to hide something from me electronically if I wanted to find it. Only reason she got away with her A for so long is I never suspected her, and didn't want to snoop on my wife . Besides, I caught her sexting and sending photos several years ago, and I thought that was the end of it and she'd never do it again. She never imagined I'd be able to retrieve the information I did then - guess she forgot. Or maybe she figured she'd gotten better at hiding. Probably why she smashed her laptop with a hammer before I finished examining it. I'm still pretty bitter about that. I'd only done surface level forensics and found a ton of shit she swore she never did. This is just in the same pattern of keep it secret until I confront her, then minimize and go into damage control, which is how I feel about her post. I'm sure that if I don't bring it up again, it will fade away into the background and she won't post to it again. Who knows. I won't comment further because I don't want to bias anyone - I am glad she posted. But again, her impetus was me confronting, not because she knew she had done wrong. If that was the case, she would of posted two months ago. Just like her affair wouldn't of stopped unless I found out, she won't admit to anything or do anything unless I have concrete evidence. It's not because she was in the wrong, it's because she was caught.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3294 | Registered: Dec 2011
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if you dig there are a few cards at Hallmark that are sorta, uh, to the point, I guess-Happy Anniversary w/o much else inside. Those mushy ones make me sick now.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
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