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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 11
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She still doesn't get the part of repentance and to try and discontinue the behavior which caused all of this in the first place.

Bingo. I also got the 'God has forgiven me" schpeel as well one night. Funny thing was though that at Mass on Sunday, the sermon was about repentance, and yes critical to true repentance was figuring out what inside you allowed you to do what you knew was wrong. I haven't heard the 'God has forgiven me" message since. WW has been doing some soul-searching though.

AND, about "detachment" - it's semantics. I agree with TC. I was seeing detachment in some posts above as being one of separation from the M. For me since my WW is remorseful I am at a different place on that spectrum.

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 11:58 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wife and I are both Atheist (I am, she's near enough to being one that it doesn't matter), so I've never had to deal with the particulars of the " Jesus forgives me, why won't you?". I hadn't thought to tell the MC about it, but a couple sessions back she brought up something about judgment being reserved for God... so yeah, that's going to have to be a conversation.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FP, you know what the worst part about being an atheist is? No one to talk to when you're having an orgasm.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just scream out, "Mjolnir".


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just scream out, "Mjolnir".

Dammit man! This site is supposed to be anonymous...


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oops. Perhaps I've said too much...


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Mikey56
♂ Member
Member # 38063
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just scream out, "Mjolnir".

Yep. I'm definitely screaming THAT^ the next time. Give the WS something to think about...

Who's with me?

[This message edited by Mikey56 at 2:16 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 108 | Registered: Jan 2013
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dang, now I have Pete Seeger's If I had a Hammer running through my head...


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. I'm definitely screaming THAT^ the next time. Give the WS something to think about...

I think I'll scream out "Betty!" or something like that (sorry if that's anyone's WW's real name - pure coincidence). That will really give her something to think about.

As for the Jesus thing that was being discussed earlier, it depends on the lesson that's taken. If it's "Jesus forgave the adulterous woman, why can't you?" - not good. If it's "Jesus forgave the adulterous woman and told her to GO AND SIN NO MORE, and that's exactly what I intend to do" - that's a good thing. She's getting the right message.

My wife got the second message, according to her at least. Her mother and former role model has lived her life by the first message - I can sin all I want, because I go to church every Sunday and Jesus forgives me and who the hell are you not to? It's a very delusional and dishonest way to live IMO. Her life is a wreck and always has been.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 2:55 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking of screaming out names, I'm actually glad that my wife doesn't scream my name. One of her AP's had the same name as me - what a mindfuck that would be (it's bad enough that it didn't bother her at the time). I think I'll stick to gritting my teeth...


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My baloney has a first name, it's...(admit it, you are singing it in your head)

Damn you Tred!


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys, couple of things said in the past few days I wanted to throw some support to, however just haven't had the time. Now off to Despicable Me with the kiddies.

So with that said, just wanted to bring everyone along with todays depressing statistic, read it this morning:

The percentage of wives having affairs rose almost 40 percent during the last two decades to 14.7 percent in 2010....according to the latest data from the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey.

The key number here, 14.7%, seriously. If I'm in Vegas and I'm getting those odds, I'm beating the whole damn farm. Talk about shit luck, just lost the infidelity bet on 14.7% odds. Knew I should have went all in with brunette instead of blonde.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knew I should have went all in with brunette instead of blonde.

Well, it didn't work for me...apparently brunettes cheat just as much as blondes. It would be nice if hair color was indicative of fidelity - like a tell in poker. I just wanted a faithful wife, guess that was too damn much to ask.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The key number in my life is 100%. 2 times.
I don't do math.
Isn't 2 A times 2 B ABBA?

I got a sweater last Christmas.
Too bad, I wanted a screamer or a moaner.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and DYT!

Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Five for five? Dunno, it seems to me that the stat is rather low.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2086 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Onan
♂ Member
Member # 33473
Default  Posted: 1:02 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the stats were 12% till they noticed "hey, we forgot 5454real". Now it's 14.7%.

Seriously though, after this go around I am ready to throw in the towel. Classical conditioning has taught me that emotional attachment + marriage = the worst pain immaginable. I don't think I will ever be able to look into a womens eyes without thinking "she's just wondering how she can use me then throw me away like yesterdays trash".

I have to admire your persistence 5454 but damn, is is really worth it??


BS(me): 56
WW(her): 52
M: 19yrs
D-day: 8/25/2011
Good news: Wife really, really likes sex. Bad news: Just not with me.

Posts: 185 | Registered: Sep 2011
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's never worth it. Certain societies have a marriage model which I think is far better suited to the modern predicament. Obviously, it'll probably be impossible to implement in our context. Suffice to say, it's based on a model wherein both spouses are optional. The M is transactional in nature. *Emotional* Love may or may not exist in the M. Mature love, one that's based on respect, integrity and care does. As someone once said to me "you dont have to marry the one you love and you're not required to love the one you marry". I think the context of love was the unicorns and fairies type. I feel the western paradigm that is too long been defined by Hollywood and the feminazis has a role to play in what we perceive to be "happily married".

I don't mind if my W does not have butterflies in her stomach at the mere thought of me. I'd much rather prefer her respect, care and companionship. The former is just a fleeting feeling, the latter is consistent ACTs.

Sorry, I rambled. Bit much there.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not to knock the western paradigm though, I think it's a global urbanised paradigm now.

Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO that stat is bullshit-every M'd man I know has had at least one cheating whore as a wife except one guy, and he cheated on his wife.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
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