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Newest Member: Desirelily (43166)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Parent/teacher conferences/meetings?
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


How do you all handle meetings at school? DS1 had an EP meeting (for gifted) at school. I was invited and participated. I did not tell EX about meeting as I have not desire to sit across a table from him and play friendly divorced parents. There would be no way I could concentrate on the issue at hand anyway.

So assface finds out about meeting and texts me that he wants to know about all meetings in the future blaahh, blaah, blaaah.

The response I wanted to send was: "It is not my responsibility to inform you of meetings, it is the school's responsibility. Call them if you would like to discuss this." Or "You have every right to call the school and schedule a meeting for yourself to discuss DS's EP."

Instead I blew it off and told him there wasn't a meeting. (There actually wasn't one. I talked with the teacher over the phone and via email but we never actually met for this.)

Just to clarify, I was not trying to keep him from meeting with DS's teachers. He has every right to meet with his teachers and discuss anything he wants to. But there is no way in hell we are meeting together. Not.happening.Ever.

I think the school did not invite him because the whole school knows that his OW is a teacher there and they know that we have a contemptuous relationship. Next year the kids are going to be attending a new school. I'm wondering how to handle this with XH and with the school for the future. I have a lot of years left with this a-hole.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1510 | Registered: Aug 2010
AppleBlossom
♀ Member
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you absolutely cannot meet together for parent/teacher conferences then you will have to work something out. As you say, you have years of this, and not knowing what to do or getting him blowing up your phone every time will just cause a lot of stress. you may need to have a discussion with the school principal and work out what is best for everyone - including and especially the children.


Posts: 153 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
FlySomeday
♀ Member
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried both..and my separation/divorce is every bit of contentious. I found the meeting with the teachers independently worked much better. I think the teachers were more comfortable too and could focus on the kids instead of the uncomfortable dynamic. It is how I will proceed from now on. For. Sure.


Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 222 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fly-someday, did you make a request of the school that all meetings are to be separate? This is what I am thinking of doing. I'm not meeting with him. Just us being in the same room would be the elephant in the room and I wouldn't be able to put on my parent hat while resisting the urge to punch him in the face.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1510 | Registered: Aug 2010
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For parent-teacher conferences, the school has no issue with scheduling different times. Our tricky issue is IEP meetings. There cannot be separate meetings for that. I am the primary contact for the kids' case managers, so I usually request they cc Waffle on all the set up emails.

As for the meetings themselves, we go together. We never have to address each other, sit next to each other, or act friendly. He has as much right to be there as I do, so it's one of those instances where I just suck it up. One hour (ish), once a year for 2 kids (DD is too young for an IEP. Her time is coming). It's hard when there's a lot of anger.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 707 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
beenthere2?
♀ Member
Member # 28554
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For parent/teacher conferences, ask for two conferences to be scheduled. Most teachers will do that no problem.

For IEPs, there cannot be two meetings as there needs to be one outcome. Here you have two choices: either you meet together or you ask and receive full educational rights when it comes to your child. You will have to provide legal documentation on this.


Me: BW 34 Him: WH 36
Married 10
Dday #1 5/15/10 claimed EA/just friends
#2 9/20/10 (admitted to kiss w/ same OW
#3 11/29/10 admitted to a lot more

Posts: 3978 | Registered: May 2010
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh! That's true! IEP's/EP's cannot have separate meetings.

Blaaaaaah!


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1510 | Registered: Aug 2010
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have managed to attend one parent/teacher conference and it was fine. That guy is invisible to me.

The teacher knows the situation and what has been going on and she has seen with her own eyes the bullshit he has tried to pull eg. he booked the appointment without telling me about it, she called to make sure I could make it - I heard the exasperation in her voice.

She handled the meeting very well IMO. She did say she would prefer the one meeting but would facilitate two separate meetings if it was necessary.

Its one of those things I simply would not miss nor would I expect him to miss. We have 50/50 so its important that we are both across what is going on.

Short term ick for long term gain.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4511 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sadness1
♀ Member
Member # 32160
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe one of you can attend the meeting and one can attend by conference call.

I am a teacher and we have done this several times for parents.


Posts: 139 | Registered: May 2011
Topic Posts: 9

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