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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Older but no wiser
♀ New Member
Member # 39546
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. Been really depressed for a while so haven't written. I do read the forums though just so I don't feel quite so alone.
Update: he decided to wipe out his cell contacts and concentrate on our marriage to see if we can make a go of it. He wants me to "have faith" lol I found out who she is and that the "job" he is to travel away for is...are you ready for this??... renovating HER house. Found out a lot of details...he's held and kissed her as she was staying at the motel he was working at...he let her in his private residence after hours and they sat at the table & "talked". They talked about his M and he told her how I wasn't ready for D but that we were S. Bullshit!!! I was working here while he was working there..that's all it was supposed to be!!
She's divorced and told him "if you were single I'd date you". She's 51 and "wants what she wants". and she made it clear it would include him working on "her pipes". She already said she wants him to fix her "bedroom door", as it needs some "lubrication"!! What kind of slut at the age of 51 can talk like that?
I told him the only way for us to have a chance to even ever talk to each other is for him to put a stop to this "working arrangement" before it actually happens. He said he had planned to go for 6 mths. as he had to sign a lease for his cabin for that long. But he was now considering returning on our anniversary in 2 mths!!!! when if HE feels he has "fixed" himself and we stand a chance together, he'll have enough saved for us to move!!! (Hope that gave you your laugh for the day, I myself almost puked on his feet)
He is to write to her today to cancel or not...I said it was his decision and it would be a wise one if he still at any point wanted to still have some kind of relationship with his kids.
"Oh sometimes I just feel we need to get D and just be friends...we used to get along so well when we wrote to each other, and I so enjoyed my time away from you I have to admit". "And she's going to pay me a lot of money to do her house (and HER of course) and give me all my meals!!" (Thanks for sharing you Killer of Souls!!!)
"And I'm not moving towards anyone, just a woman who hired me" exchanged whatever and KISSED HER, told her God knows what about me, and now you will probably get propositioned at breakfast, lunch, supper and she'll sneak over to your little cabin at night!!!!
I'm trying so hard to detach but can't seem to get it right...even a little bit.
Any pointers?? I know NC is the big one and I'm sure it's coming up very quickly with his presumed departure(he'll never write to her to cancel it).
I stay in the travel trailer 98% of the time and he stays in the boy's house. I sit and try to breathe, detach, cry out my sadness and rage, and "talk" to myself about self respect and courage etc. I just don't seem to get very far with that yet.
Maybe he'll drop her and tell me he loves only me and is so sorry for all the crap he has done. JUST KIDDING!!
It's not ME having the fantasy!!
It won't be much longer before he leaves (this week) as I'm sure he will. I'll just try to keep quiet as much as I can.
Thanks for being there. I'm unfortunately quite sure I'll be needing some TLC when he leaves, no matter how brave I act.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: canada
♀ New Member
Member # 39546
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost forgot....Question...
He doesn't know that I know her identity, address etc. Should I keep "mum" for now for future reference or....and I have this fantasy of him driving out of the driveway with me yelling "give my most heartfelt feelings to "....." when you see her!! Very juvenile I know....but it would feel so good to further intrude on his "privacy" as he calls it. And boy does he get angry when I "seem to know did you find out??!!!" LOL
Opinions and reasons please.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: canada
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No don't tip your hand to him. He doesn't need to know what you know. Protect yourself

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 3:18 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Timeless, first I am so very sorry that your idiot WH is being such a jerk and has completely lost his fracken mind.

Second, I do not remember who said this but I think this is a line you need to give your WH. Tell him that he is free to go and screw anyone he wants, do what he wants and live where he wants...he just won't be doing it as YOUR HUSBAND!!

Third, do not let him know that you are aware of her name or her address.

Fourth, go see an attorney who will give you a free consult and see how much they charge to draw up divorce papers. If you can afford it have them drawn up and then have him served at HER address. Give him the fracken shock of is life. There are also places on line that will fill out the papers for a small fee and you can also get the forms from most courthouses and they have people who can help you fill them out. You do not have to file them with the court but you could have one of his friends serve him with the papers. Make sure it is a friend who would never condone what he is doing to you.

Just because you file for divorce or have the papers drawn up doesn't mean you have to divorce. You can withdraw it anytime before the final hearing. But you need to be very very clear with him that you will NOT tolerate his 6 month whore fest and you will divorce his sorry ass if he leaves.

If you do not have the money or want to file for divorce at this time then I would suggest you buy some large black trash bags and hand him the box. When he asks what they are for, smile and say "well I thought you would need them to put your crap in since you will no longer be coming back here to live."

If he asks what you will do during his 6 month sabbatical from the marriage, make up something. Tell him you will be changing the locks on the house, cleaning up the house so you can put it on the market, throwing away any of his left over crap, telling the kids what their father has done and why you are selling the home, then you will buy your own smaller home and fix it up. You will start dating again to find a man who will cherish you the way you deserve (don't actually do this one though) and one that is much better looking too. Tell him that you have always wanted to go on a cruise (or something fun) so that will be on your list as well. Make sure he realizes that while he is off doing his "thing" you will be moving on without him and having some fun of your own. You need to make sure he understands that you are NOT his back up plan in case "slutty mcslut face" isn't all that.

I have a feeling that he might change his mind about idea of taking a "break" from the marriage and if he doesn't then do you really want him back? He needs to see that there will be consequences for this sabbatical whore fest.

(((hugs timeless)))

[This message edited by soverybetrayed at 3:18 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)]

DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went through this (m 30 years) and I can assure you the best thing you can do for yourself is use your "rage" productively and make copies of everything financial while the papers are still in the house.

Pay stubs, RRSP statements, CRA letters, tax papers, deeds, car registrations, all bills, insurance, wills, ANYTHING you can find. Make sure to get his SIN number.

I took the high road and stayed calm like you are. He still left - thinking with his "little head". But in Canada the Spousal Support after 25 years of M is usually "indefinite" and when all is said and done, it is the money you will need.

These old fools really piss me off - can you tell? I lost all respect for my EX who was an upstanding family man. They all rewrite the marital history and say it was never good and blame you because you wore the wrong couloured clothes or whatever. Hit him where it hurts - the wallet.You WILL survive this.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
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