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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How should I handle this?
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:27 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phone calls are only for emergencies. No more acknowledging drivel. You only respond to things that you need to respond to. Her mould (American's spell it wrong!), her house, her problem.

Cute stories about the kids? Enjoy them but don't respond or acknowledge.

She gets irked when you don't respond. Don't respond or acknowledge.

She goes off the deep end and starts hurling abuse. Don't respond or acknowledge.

She confronts you about it - you say you will only respond to issues that require response.

She is only to call AT ALL in case of emergency. All other comms via email/text.

If she breaks this you put your request in writing each time. She will get the picture eventually.

Crickets all the way. Surely you can see she is grasping at straws here?

I have had to ask the sad clown to stop with the unsolicited contact. Kid/finance related but a total stretch. None of it required my attention.

She is fishing brother.

I suggest you start using my mantra is:

There are no fish in this pond. This pond has no water. Fuck Off.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4507 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
dlmos
♂ Member
Member # 36839
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok so adding in the actual times, plus limiting texting/phone, and clarifying children's emergencies.

Now I do have one issue I just thought of. She does not have any family local and keeps me as her emergency contact so that if something happens I can get the kids. Should I have her change this? I think it serves a useful purpose in regards to the kids.


BH (31)
DS - 7, DD - 5
Divorced

Posts: 461 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Fort Worth,Texas
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I live in Mexico. My emergency contact is my mother who lives over 1500 miles away and my brother who lives 2000 miles away. They both have power of attorney to make medical decisions for me and the like. That is, an emergency contact is a person who can make decisions for you, not the person closest by.

Your xWW needs this kind of set up. Whoever that person is can contact you. But it's not your job to teach her this. She's got to grow up on her own and figure this out.

At school, doctor's office etc? You should be co-listed as the kids' emergency contact.

[This message edited by cayc at 7:38 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]


BS 45, WH 38
M 8 years, together 10
Real DDay 10/07/11
Too many OW to count.
D final on 6/21/12
You have to walk away from the past in slow motion as it explodes behind you, like in a John Woo movie.

Posts: 2782 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She does not have any family local and keeps me as her emergency contact so that if something happens I can get the kids. Should I have her change this?

Yes.

You're their father and I'm sure that if anything happened to their mother, the one person they would most want to be with is you.

Are you two on complete non-speaking terms? Just curious why you're not entertaining talking this out with her and then following it up with an email.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21009 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not list STBX as my emergency contact for anything. I don't have any family within hundreds of miles. That's just the way it goes.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8737 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dlmos
♂ Member
Member # 36839
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are speaking but she is all over the place emotionally lately and didn't hear/understand it the last time I told her I wanted to keep it to kids/finances. Just want it to be clear.

When I say all over the place I mean it swings from "let's get back together" to "your abandoning your children and a horrible person!!!!"...in about 30 minutes and at least once a day. So this seems like a less drama filled way of handling it. My parents have the kids for the weekend and I'll be on vacation so I plan to send it to her and let it sink in for a few days while I have my phone off...


BH (31)
DS - 7, DD - 5
Divorced

Posts: 461 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Fort Worth,Texas
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahhh...well, that explains it.

Good strategy!


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21009 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me second the suggestion to quit doing stuff around the house for her.

I can understand why you do it - it does indirectly help and affect the kids.

But that is probably what is fueling a lot of the recent drama. She depends on you for that kind of stuff, is afraid she won't have a clue how to handle it herself, and gets concerned when you have a GF, because that means that the free home repair service could quickly come to an end.

If you refuse to fix stuff, she'll have to do it herself (or figure out how to get it done herself). And once she knows that you won't be doing it anymore, it removes another reason for the drama and histrionics.


Posts: 2192 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Topic Posts: 28
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