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User Topic: If I wanted her, I would be with her
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or, it is just a really bad way of saying that, despite other choices, he chooses you. It is supposed to be a compliment, a validation. But it really doesn't feel that way, does it?

No I don't feel either if those. I have said to him, go ahead, I know exactly what I am losing right now. And as soon as she meets this guy that you've shown me if she is smart she would be done too. I just hope he becomes the type of man he wants to be. He does appear to be disgusted with whom he has allowed himself to become.


Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
lemony.2008
♀ Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for bringing this up, 41. It was actually our MC who told me that in one of our sessions and it never sat well with me but I couldn't figure out why at the time, so thanks!

I think it's their desperate attempt in trying to convince us that they want to be with us after the affair. As if the affair itself didn't say it loud and clear enough that they definitely didn't want us.


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
altehpwn
♀ New Member
Member # 39173
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG ! My WH has said this to me ! I'm glad that I'm not the only one who it didn't sit well with. He says "I stayed because I love you " well woopadeedoo! Did you fuck her because you love me as well? I'm supposed to feel better with this ?

Posts: 10 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


What snapdragon said.

My STBX said that to me, too. He also said, "If I wanted you to move out, you wouldn't still be here. I will never kick you out of the house." I replied with, "Thanks, but I just may kick you out!"

IMO, snapdragon was very accurate when she described the mindset of someone who would utter such words.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
ifinallyfoundme
♀ Member
Member # 39523
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Snapdragon"My translation is that this is a backhanded way to make sure that you knew that the OW was still out there ready to take him because he is so damn awesome. It sets up a bit of "competition" in your subconscious and you'll want to be a extra wonderful wife in order to keep him. Because, after all, he does have that option still.
The thing is, some people may respond to that kind of mind play. Or they may keep a spouse just so that the AP doesn't get them.

Or, it is just a really bad way of saying that, despite other choices, he chooses you. It is supposed to be a compliment, a validation. But it really doesn't feel that way, does it?"

At first I kinda felt that way. It's been almost 2 years since DDay with plenty of backsliding on his side. I should say we are living in separate homes. While the kids were growing up I was June Cleaver so now that I'm an empty nester my apron was burned. He wants June back so desperately but alas she is dead/buried and her corpse has long rotted.
I am a different woman, he honestly thought I enjoyed the home ecky stuff and just wouldn't know what to do with myself with the kids gone. Like I just love cooking and cleaning He really didn't know me.
Like you guys I've reminded him that I am the prize and easy men like him are a dime a dozen. I've also told him he should hire a maid.

Of course he doesn't want her. You were the most honest relationship in his life.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 6:41 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]


Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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