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User Topic: Opened a bottle of Sena
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and broke down crying. Haven't cried in quite a while. I also haven't opened a bottle of Sena since I last opened it for my Dad.

The flashbacks came roaring back of my father and his illness. He had to take Sena everyday and I remember giving it to him.

I wanted to throw the bottle away and never see it again.

It will be Father's Day very soon and more than likely I will be a mess. I've already been slowly getting anxious of the day coming. The first Father's day without my father.

And there were so many Father's days that I actually did not want to see my Dad. I dreaded the day sometimes. And now I would do anything to spend the day with him this Sunday.

(What I bitch I was.) Be careful what you wish for sometimes. I never ever wished that my father would die, but there were times I wish he'd go away so I didn't have to talk to him. How fucking stupid is that?

Ok, I need to stop before I turn this pity party into an all night pity fest.


Me: 41
Two boys: 16 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25502 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've all had feelings like that, clicks. What, you were supposed to be the perfect daughter/person for him? We can't even be perfect for ourselves.

Ups and downs - it's the nature of relationships. You were there when he needed you the MOST.

I know this holiday is going to be super hard for you. Try to remember that he's not really gone. You are a part of him, and he will always be with you. You LOVED him. You did. Don't beat yourself up. Just cry when you need to, and know that it won't always hurt this much.

Sending big hugs.

(((clicky)))


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14565 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((click)))




Posts: 30572 | Registered: Mar 2011
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Click)))

My dad died in March 2011. I struggled thru his birthday (June 13 and Father's Day) that year. I know exactly how you're feeling.

Each year it's gotten just a little tiny bit easier... But I still look for cards to send him.

I, too, went thru some times in my life where I didn't speak to or see my dad and I know that feeling of regret that you have...

If you want to talk, I'm available to PM.

(((Click)))


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 23959 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((click)))) Be gentle with yourself, honey.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22548 | Registered: Aug 2011
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all. I know I'm not supposed to be perfect. Its just the few years before he died he really tried to make an effort with me and I blew him off. He had issues that I never fully realized until after he died. Had I understood then what I do now, I might have been more tolerant, I don't know. But I'm sure that's the nature of someone's passing - we all wish we could have something a little differently.

Appreciate the hugs everyone and hearing my vent last night.


Me: 41
Two boys: 16 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25502 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Topic Posts: 6

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