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User Topic: Business trips
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uncertainone, reading your posts you sound very angry and hostile. It is almost like you are taking personal offense.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1293 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uncertainone, reading your posts you sound very angry and hostile. It is almost like you are taking personal offense.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1293 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uncertainone, reading your posts you sound very angry and hostile. It is almost like you are taking personal offense.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1293 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DI, you must really believe that. But repeating three times doesn't get me to disappear. (I love that movie).


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought it goes without saying that I accidentally triple posted. And yes, I very much so believe it.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1293 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 12:22 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone, Please get back on topic.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198450 | Registered: May 2002
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Acting to preserve your reputation is perfectly reasonable. I too am surprised by the strong reactions to your post, but won't comment further.

If my H were in that situation, I would applaud his decision to quietly handle it with his boss. I'm not worried that H would "fall prey" to her charms; I'm the (recovering) lying WS, not him. But I know: cheaters lie, and if she got attention by spreading gossip about you, she'd do it, without concern for your reputation. Active, practicing WSs don't give a rip about anyone but ourselves; consequences be damned.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too believe this.

Honestly, worrying about my rep is a secondary consideration, but a consideration nonetheless.

I simply did not want to go on a trip with her, whether it be traveling with her or having to go to the same meetings with her. I wouldn't want to go with any of the jackasses that she has been with either. But I don't have to worry about that. The guys that are known to F around there behind their wives' backs are in a different focus at the company and do not go on any business trips, at least not the same as me.

20Wrongsvs1, I'd hope your H would do something similar. Its bad enough, and correct me if Im wrong, when a WS goes on a business trip, its even worse when going with a known runaround who has no qualms about being with someone else who is married.

[This message edited by nofool4u at 1:09 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nofool I think you did a very smart thing, and I too would have probably done the same or similar. Someone who behaves with such abandon for what is "right" warrants being leary of.

She has lots of her own issues, and you certainly don't need to open yourself up for any drama, or insuations of inpropriety, or harrassment allegations.
HR always has to make sure their t's are crossed and i's are dotted before acting on someone like this.
I have worked in the medical field for over 20 years, and have seen similar issues go on, and it takes time to get rid of them. Her day will come.

Good for you for sticking to what you feel and know is right and wrong.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't hear anger or bullying in any of the responses. I heard strong opinions (including that of the original poster). Pretty common here on this site which is part of what makes it such a unique and wonderful place.
As for "bullying" the mods do a great job of policing that for us. We are very fortunate here.

Hope24, in light of new information from you, I'll let that speak for itself with regards to the above.

[This message edited by nofool4u at 4:04 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
whensitover
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Member # 31207
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you absolutely did the right thing!!!
But one other thing is it sounds to me like the Top Brass in your company needs to have a HUGE meeting and let EVERYBODY know that, the word is, these meetings can get out of hand and risque and they need to know that ANYBODY married or not (imho)will be either written up or fired. I have been an employer for a major, world wide bank and mortgage company and before every trip, our staff and leaders would tell us, over and over, you do anything or anybody other than your purpose of being on the trip, and its over for you. We never had a problem!But I do think what you did was very admirable.

Posts: 452 | Registered: Feb 2011
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whenitsover, boy you'd think that is what the top brass would do.
But unless they have proof that it is happening on company time, on a company business trip, or is a boss/employee relationship, I think their take is there is nothing they can do for what happens outside the office.
And I'd have to agree with that.
As bad as it might be for morale or office relationships, what happens after hours shouldn't be under the regulation of the company, unless whatever happens after hours isn't of personal nature and affects the company directly.


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Random thoughts
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Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can see why your company in so cautious because people are so sue happy and will take a company to court even if they don't have grounds to sue.

Here in NJ a father is suing his son's coach and school because he was let go from a sport team at school.

The company would still have to defend itself from a lawsuit frivolous or not.

You did the right thing. I guess everyone forgets the saying "if you lay down with dogs, you'll get fleas "

You hang out with known cheaters at work, even if you don't cheat yourself, you are telling others that you are ok with being dishonest, lying and no boundaries


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1608 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well one guy got fired here a long time ago for having an affair with a coworker and also set up business trips for them both.
But he was her boss and, I'm guessing, it was probably viewed as abuse by a superior.
She wasn't fired, but I suspect she'd have had a case against the company if they tried to fire her, even if it was consensual.


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You hang out with known cheaters at work, even if you don't cheat yourself, you are telling others that you are ok with being dishonest, lying and no boundaries
Or that you have bills you need to pay. I don't know of any workplaces where everyone is morally pure, at one time I might have suggested a monastery, but I was young and naive and had not heard the stories yet.

Personally I have seen too many long gone people show up after mentioning them three times no to believe in the Beetlejuice effect, but I have never seen them go away from it.

Yeah, it is one thing if one is a superior, or abuses company resources to conduct an affair (such as setting up trips together), another thing if they confine inappropriate behavior to their own time. Not sure I would want to work for a company that felt it could enforce it's morality on me during my time.

Bottom line is exposure does not equate to participation, and a person of integrity can be asked to hang onto a stack of twenties in a strip bar on half price night.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well whaddya know, looks like the woman in question is in another affair, however with a married man of one of our clients this time.
I don't know why her husband puts up with it.

[This message edited by nofool4u at 3:34 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does her husband know? Are you sure?

So she is screwing one of your client's husbands?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7743 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if her husband knows or not. I often thought about typing an anon letter to him, and some of the wives of the men she has been with, but that would take me a while. No time, and really have better things to do.

She is screwing a married client now. Worded it wrong before.

[This message edited by nofool4u at 4:41 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
hurtinghearts
♀ Member
Member # 27232
Default  Posted: 3:21 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NoFool, I'm not sure where some of these replies are coming from, but the bottom line is that you did what you needed to do for your comfort level and your career.

In fact, I think you probably also helped her career just a tad because now people won't be wondering about the two of you.

Good call for standing up for what helps keep your hands clean, even if it's just people wondering if your hands are clean.

:)


Dday: Jan. 8th, 2010
OW#1 6 month PA...she is remorseful and forgiven. OW#2 The "therapist"... played head games with me. OW#3... loved to give blow jobs in her office. OW#4 the couple from Hell

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Illinois
SI Staff
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Red  Posted: 8:16 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please note this thread is a month old.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Topic Posts: 62
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