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User Topic: Business trips
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As most of you know, I'm divorced. I'm also now dating someone who I'm fairly serious with.

Here is something I simply wonder if any of you have dealt with. WS's probably have had to do this, so you are welcome to chime in.

Again, I have never been a WS, much less cheated on someone. But I am also aware of the inter-office politics/relationships, etc.

We have a woman at our work that has been known to sleep around with a few of the guys. All the women here hate her, and my girlfriend knows her.

So what happened is that I was set to go to a conference, and this woman was included. Now it is common knowledge in the company AND with the supervisors that she has had relations with some of the men here, married men and herself being married.

So I had to have a closed door session with my boss and tell him that I will not go to this conference with her that either I need not go, or go some other time, or she not go. Even though I'm not a cheater, I don't want to go with her because, to be quite honest, she disgusts me and I don't want my girlfriend to worry. She trusts me, but that still doesn't mean she'd be ok with me going away with this skank being part of the party.

Has anyone else had to talk to their bosses to tell them you refuse to go to a convention/business trip with a particular person because they are a cheater, OW or OM? Even if you yourself haven't cheated?


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have not been in this situation...but Im curious as to what your boss said when you told him you wouldn't go if officeslut went?

[This message edited by confused615 at 12:45 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7756 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
KeepCalm_CarryOn
♀ Member
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are there others going or would it just be you two?

I'm a little confused as to why you feel the need to draw such a hard line in the sand? Don't get me wrong, we all need to have our boundaries and those are great, but you're not a WS. You didn't cheat. If your current girlfriend is nervous, we know there are ways to reassure- Skype, pictures, phone calls often, etc.

I too am curious what your boss said...


You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013


Posts: 2042 | Registered: Sep 2011
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I were the boss I would seriously wonder if you were a notch on her belt and trying to get even and further blemish her rep Also, if you weren't, you are interfering in her career when you have no business to do so. So what if she goes to the conference and you have to also. Are you implying you are too weak to resist her or that your firm should just go along with your judgement of this woman?

Don't get me wrong I hate skanks but seriously you have put your career on the line...either they think you protest too much, or are very judgmental person. In the business world they don't care, or else she would be gone. You have drawn attention to yourself and not in a flattering light. JMHO.

[This message edited by momentintime at 2:27 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2988 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have not been in this situation...but Im curious as to what your boss said when you told him you wouldn't go if officeslut went?

He understood and allowed me to go at a different time with a few others who had a conflict.

I think they know this woman is a problem for alot of other employees, but they have to dance around the issue carefully for legal purposes. You'd think they could fire her for it.
But I think they do try to send her, when able to do so, with only other women to an out of town conference.

I sure as hell didn't want to come back and have everyone thinking things like, "Oh I bet they [insert expletive]"
And I'm sure it wouldn't have sit well with my gf either, and I wouldn't blame her.


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you did the right thing


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't get me wrong I hate skanks but seriously you have put your career on the line...either they think you protest too much, or are very judgmental person

No, didn't put my career on the line at all. My boss knows all too well about this woman and agrees with me.
Her superior even agrees that she shouldn't be sent on business trips with other men. Her position isn't one that makes it impossible to do it that way either. She only goes to one convention a year and its mostly women anyway.

They needed me to go to this one and my boss knew full well it wasn't going to be a good idea anyway. Not that they wouldn't trust me to do the right thing, but the last thing they need is this woman boning any other colleagues, or rumors that she boned a colleague on a business trip.

You'd have to know the situation. Its pretty bad and management knows this woman is a problem, but hesitate to do anything about her probably out of fear she will sue.

So my request to not go with her was not unreasonable and understood.

And yes, there would have been a couple other women going with, but that is beside the point.

Are you implying you are too weak to resist her or that your firm should just go along with your judgement of this woman?

Nope, I'm a rock. But that doesn't stop people in the office from talking, and its the last thing I need. Trust me, everyone talks about her, the women there all hate her guts and don't want her around their husbands. I trust myself just fine. But I don't want to put myself in a situation where my career is put in jeopardy simply because of being at the same trip as her. Not only that, my gf wouldn't feel real great about it, and I don't blame her. Not that she doesn't trust me. She doesn't trust her.

This is the kind of woman that, not only does she have no qualms about cheating on her husband and sleeping with married colleagues, would make up stories of things that didn't happen. Best thing for me is to not be around so she can't spread anything at all.

You mentioned messing with her career? Absolutely not. I'm protecting mine. All I asked is that either she is reassigned to another date, or I be. Last thing I need is the office thinking I'm engaged in inappropriate relations with her. And they WOULD think that too, no matter how much I wouldn't have anything to do with her.

[This message edited by nofool4u at 4:51 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is what it boils down to: This woman makes nofool4u uncomfortable.

The office slut makes the OP uneasy enough that he does not want to go to a meeting in her company. I would hope if I was in a similar situation people would be understanding of my reasons and not question whether I slept with someone or me being defensive.

I also think this is one of those situations where the responses to this thread would be different if the genders were reversed.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 5:01 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1295 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never been in this situation, but in my company, business trips are a pretty big deal. I think that you acted completely inappropriately, and you are lucky your boss didn't fire you.

1) did your girlfriend ask that you not go because someone else who is going is a skank? Or did you decide to take it upon yourself to decide for her that you going on a trip wasn't a good choice?

2) I. Can kind of understand your reaction if it was just the two of you going and your company was asking that you share a hotel room. But if there was a group going, I think you should have just bucked up and gone. I doubt she is the only person on the planet you have ever had to work with who you didn't like.

3) has this woman ever hit on you personally? If so- why haven't you filed a sexual harassment complaint? If not- how do you know that the rumors are true? People around the office say a lot of things, that doesn't make it true or right. It could very well be that this woman is a hoe. Or, it could very well be that this woman is a little flirty, and the victim of rumors and a bad reputation. Unless she is hanging all over you, I don't think getting involved is very nice, or your business.

Personally, I don't care if my fiance goes on a business trip (ok, I would care WHERE), because there are very few females in his company and I trust him around every single one of them (despite his cheating). If one was flirty or had a bad reputation, I wouldn't care if she was on the same trip as him- I would expect him to maintain professional boundaries only.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you. I am sure there are many spouses that had done exactly what you did. Hurt her career? Being the company slut should hurt her career. Why should decent employees have to put up with indecent coworkers? Why, how, and how often she messes around is not your issue. You guarded yourself from a known threat before it became your issue. Nobody should have to walk into the lion's den to keep their job.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1532 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Ladyogilvy
♀ Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Staying out of the zone of danger... Good for you. As business owners, we understand all too well the legal ramifications of someone like that in the office. Those are the kinds of people who go looking for lawsuits. Bringing it to your employer's attention gives them the opportunity to be more aware of the situation and protect themselves as well as other employees. Sounds like your employer saw it that way. I think that the suck it up and/or mind your own business attitude helps promote behavior that is destructive to everyone involved.


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never been in this situation, but in my company, business trips are a pretty big deal. I think that you acted completely inappropriately, and you are lucky your boss didn't fire you.

My boss knows all too well about her. Nothing inappropriate at all about wanting to protect my own career by not wanting to go on a trip with the company slut.

And if I had went on that trip, the rumors would have flown all over.

There is a file on this woman, and all management knows about her inappropriate behavior at my workplace. I knew good and well my boss would agree and that my concerns were justified.

Besides, I didn't tell my boss, "either she goes, or I go" No ultimatum. I simply requested that I go on a different date.

Its real simple. Woman has many sexual relations with other men in the company, I was requested to go on a trip where she would be going as well, I wanted to protect my career. Simple as that. Making my gf feel at ease, although very much a secondary consideration, was a consideration nonetheless. Not that she'd be pissed or anything. She just wouldn't be all that jazzed about me going on a trip where the company slut is going.

Personally, I don't care if my fiance goes on a business trip (ok, I would care WHERE), because there are very few females in his company and I trust him around every single one of them (despite his cheating). If one was flirty or had a bad reputation, I wouldn't care if she was on the same trip as him

There is a big difference between going on a trip with someone with a bad reputation, and someone who has jumped in bed with several of the men there at the company. BIG difference. Last thing I need is rumors going around, which she has been known to brag about and start(whether true or not), and me being added to the list of men she has been with.

[This message edited by nofool4u at 3:45 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)]


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Fleury
♀ Member
Member # 24185
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did something similar. A male co-worker gave me the creeps. Nothing overt. I was not comfortable with him. I told management that I was not going to travel with him.

Turns out my gut was right. Without going into detail he was fired because of some things in his desk. His wife divorced him over it. Not being alone with him in another city was smart. I also found out I wasn't the first or last that refused to travel with him.

You have to keep yourself safe and management needs to understand that. She could have accused you of things that could have ruined your career. You made the right call.


What have I done to deserve this life?

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2009
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fleury, exactly right!!

What gets me is management knows all about her, but again, because of legal issues, they won't fire her. They are afraid, from what I've heard, that she will sue if they try.

So if they can't fire a whore, why would they fire someone that doesn't want to travel with a whore?


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you did the right thing, and I would think the company would be concerned to have someone like that on staff, who could create so much trouble for them.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Jan 2011
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think they are concerned. But my boss also confirmed, he is concerned about me, or anyone under his supervision, being comfortable going on a business trip.

I think he realized that, not that I would do it, that if anyone was forced to go on a trip with her, and something happened, that it could fall back on the company. If I voiced my concern, and they made me go anyway, and say she made a pass at me, then not only could I file suit against her, but I could against the company because I requested not to go with her. (Might not be able to file against her because it is away from the office, but still could against company because its a trip they mandated)
Again, not that I would do that to the company, but in this litigious society, I'm sure it happens.

[This message edited by nofool4u at 11:24 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Hope24
♀ Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And what about the male office sluts who are willingly messing around with this woman?

Sounds like your company has a culture of infidelity problem that can't be pinned on one individual.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^ great point.

You said you told your boss you were uncomfortable going on this trip because of the office slut..but you are ok with the married men who fucked around with her?

You said your boss is aware that this woman is a problem..but what about all those male coworkers..married men..who have slutted around with her? Why is this woman considered a problem,but these married men are not?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7756 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't associate with the men that bed her down either and think their wives deserve better.

But I'm not going on a trip with them. I was scheduled to go on one with her. Stick to the issue please. This is not a man vs woman thing.

The men are a problem as well, but they aren't pertinent to this particular situation of mine. They also are on the sh** list. My boss would be concerned about them as well, but they, along with this woman, are in a different department. They don't fall under him. He can only deal with a situation as it arises with one of his own employees.

Said person in this situation is a woman, and I am a man. Clear? If women in the office didn't want to go on a trip with one of these other skank men, I wouldn't blame them a bit.

Why do I get the feeling that if the sex roles were reversed, I'd get much different responses?

[This message edited by nofool4u at 8:58 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think they know this woman is a problem for alot of other employees, but they have to dance around the issue carefully for legal purposes. You'd think they could fire her for it.

Bullshit. I find your entire story odd. If any one in my company was getting around like that generating that type of drama they'd be gone.

You've stated 16 ways how you are not a WS and never cheated. Dude. Calm down. The disclaimers aren't necessary with every sentence.

You are positively frothing about this "slut" whom EVERY one hates. Um, what about the married men? They caught in her web. She chloroforms them?

I've had to take business trips with men whose behavior is less than stellar. Haven't had one issue. Never. I go. I work. I go back to my hotel. I don't put myself in questionable positions. No talk, no gossip, no issues.

To me, you've drawn more attention to yourself with your actions than just going, doing your job and minding your own business.

[This message edited by uncertainone at 2:03 AM, June 15th (Saturday)]


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


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