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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts-11
Heartbroken2013
♀ Member
Member # 39722
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, im not sure if this is the right place for me but I have a few questions I need help with. First off I know no one can tell me if my H is a sex addict or not, personally, I feel he is NOT, but, I need to ask ...

1) If u read my profile u will understand that my H cannot have penetrative sex with anyone, never has been able to and never will. Just because he cant, can he still be addicted to sex?

2) Does having cybersex with various people constitute as a sex addict. (please excuse me, but I have also done this in the past but had treated it as a laugh, a bit of fun as he is saying this was about)

3) Does watching people having live sex on the computer mean he is an addict.

4) He has never had a physical relationship with anyone but me. Has never got intimate with anyone because of his condition, apart from me.

We were both 31 when we met, that's a LONG time for him to go without sex or any intimacy with another woman.

We have been together for 14 years and this happened 11 years after we met and continued for approx. 18 mths.

It started off as just normal chat in a chatroom, which then led to cybersex. Most people in this chatroom were cybering so he joined in.

He swears he never went in looking for it, and I believe him.

I don't think he is an addict. I think he went into a chatroom for a chat (we have both used chatrooms in the past) and he got dragged in, and it led to cybersex. Once it started, he wasn't dropping everything in order to get online, he was a normal happy guy who worked, did family weekends, did romantic breaks together. B ut when he went online, this is what he ended up doing.
He has never done a dating site, never a stripper or prostitute, and I know this because he is ashamed of his body. he said doing what he did made him feel like a man, because in his head he could do all the things he wanted to do, what he has always wanted to do .... and that's have normal sex! Ironically, I do understand that. In our relationship I never told him what I liked in bed for fear of hurting his feelings, if ever he said o me 'tell me what u want, what u like' I would clam up and say nothing, because I couldn't tell him I wanted SEX, I wanted him to make love to me, to fcuk me ... I couldn't cos he couldn't. On the chatroom, he could type and they would respond ... it made him feel good because it made him feel like he was a man.

I know he needs help for his condition, he has grown up thinking everyone was like him till he hit a certain age and he figured out he was different. That must hurt like hell.

Im not excusing what he has done, but trying to understand his needs.

Any thoughts anyone????


Me 45
WH 45
4 kids aged 3 - 25 (2 x adopted in 2013)
Together 15 years
Married 8 years
WH had online cybersex with various sluts!
DD = Nov 23rd 12
In 'R' and getting to a place we never been before

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: UK
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not a lot of time to post. Just wanted to say newbies, please read the first page of this thread. It has a lot of resources and info on it. Dealing with sex addiction, reading many of the resources written down will help answer a lot of your questions.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
cds22
♀ Member
Member # 39083
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadone--I am sorry my PM function doesn't seem to be working! I had a quick meditation question and I warn you it is silly. I have always been far more of a "mouth breather" and I feel like I am not getting enough air when I breath through my nose. When I am meditating can I breathe through both my mouth and nose at the same time or does it need to be nose only. I am sure it is all in my head but I feel like I am suffocating if I don't breathe through my mouth at the same time.

Thanks!

[This message edited by cds22 at 1:46 PM, October 21st (Monday)]


Posts: 210 | Registered: Apr 2013
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is all my opinion only....

Heartbroken,

1. Yes
2. No. I think its more the compulsion that constitues addiction.
3. Not necessarily.
4. Im sorry to say this, but I dont know if this has much to do with it. My husband was also only with me... until he wasnt.
I understand your husband has an issue. Its very possible that it lead to him fooling around with people online when he felt he could not in real life. It would also mean he has some deep deep issues with that to sort out. I think it also means he is at higher risk for being a sex addict (to escape).

At the same time, he was never with anyone but you... but... he was with you! He overcame his insecurities at some point to be with you. And... hes older and more experienced now, and never underestimate what a man (person) is willing to do in spite of their ----- fill in the blank. My husband had very high morals, had only been sexual(even only kissed) with me, and was shy to even pee in a public bathroom. Yet, 10+ yrs later, he was able to get naked and penetrate a stranger. Its shocking to me, because of his nature. Im sure you feel the same way. But, I learned anything is possible! And, does that imply that if he couldve he wouldve? Thats no better. I sort of think you are putting too much trust in him. Didnt you also believe him fully the first time, a year ago?

Does he admit to having cybersex relationships 15 yrs ago when he met you? or before that? I do not at all believe he had no intentions when he went chatting. At the very least he wanted some outside "stimulation" even if it wasnt sexual. What if I want to go out and sit with various men in bars (or coffee shops) and just talk.... isnt that a slippery slope? Then what if I bought a phone in secret to talk with them privately? Just friends? No bad intentions? I dont think so.

You wanted penetrative sex too. But did you go online to talk to men about it and webcam with them? So, even though I do understand his problem its not really an excuse.

I know you are looking for hope. And Im not saying that I think your husband is a sex addict. But I do think theres a strong possibility of more that you havent uncovered yet.



BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really glad I found this posting.

3 years ago I had discovered my husband had been calling and texting escorts from Craigslist...some 280 calls, and some 200+ texts (back and forth). It went so far as to him lying to my on our honeymoon to visit a strip club as well as book me a massage so he could make escort calls there too. I also discovered a used condom after I'd been gone for a weekend which he told me he used to masturbate onto. I really feel like I went into complete shock and denial and believed because I wanted to everything he told me and we went to 3 sessions of marriage counseling before I think we both just wanted to forget this all happened.

Skip to now, when last week I found a Vicodin pill in the center console of the car. He claims he has no idea how it got there. Due to his history I don't believe him at all. I told him now either we go to marriage counseling again or I'm divorcing him. We're hoping to have the first session this week.

The point I'm at now is where I think I should have been 3 years ago. I'm stronger now to admit to myself the most likely yes, he physically cheated on me. I don't know how often but the point is it happened and for me to think it didn't is me being naive. I'm also at the point where I can say to myself, while I love him, I think I owe myself the respect to say I deserve someone I don't have to play detective with for the rest of my life. We took a vow and he didn't honor it, hell he had been calling the escorts 6 days after the wedding...now I owe him something? Now I'm not entitled to say I can't move past this and I don't want to be in a relationship where I can;t trust someone?

He told me he's not letting me leave him, and that he wants to be with my forever. I want counseling because I want the truth for once. I do need to hear the details and finally get some closure. I know he is going to counseling with me because he wants to make our bond stronger. This is the most godawful feeling I wish I had just left 3 years ago when this all happened.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cds, if you can't feel anything around the nose, I think you can concentrate on the rising and falling of the abdomen instead.

On a side note, have you ever tried using a neti pot? They have really easy to use ones now in pharmacies. I suffered from sinus infections, but haven't had one in years now!


SAWH: working hard on all addictions
Out of limbo hell. R Feb. 15
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -proverbs 3:5

Posts: 451 | Registered: Mar 2013
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jzkc1502 - Make sure he sees a therapist who is Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT). On the psychology today website, there is a directory of therapists and many of them list their areas of special interest. He really should choose a CSAT as his individual counselor in addition to seeing a marriage counselor. Also, think about what your bottom line is - no more physical affairs is mine. If my H has another affair (he is a "love addict" and also working to overcome porn addiction issues) I will leave.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jun 2013
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes the counselor we've selected this time is CSAT, the first time they were not, honestly I didn;t even know about that 3 years ago.

Gah this has just been so awful. I feel so guilty about bringing these emotions up now and putting him through this, but how guilty did he feel when he was doing these things? He could leave me alone on the beach on our honeymoon in Hawaii and go to a strip club, then come back and look me in the face as if nothing has happened...now I feel guilty now?! Sheesh.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to reiterate what Missy(?) said about educating yourselves about SA if you are new to this wonderful affliction. Look on the first page of the thread, there are amazing resources there.

There are many "flavors" of SA. One defining characteristic is the trauma it causes the spouse. Some SAs NEVER actually have intercourse with others. It is a porn addiction. Some are "love" addicts, engaging in the chase, the seduction, the flirtatious activity. Most SAs escalate in some way. Virtually ALL SAs are talented liars, consummate con men, charming and great at reeling you in, abusing and gaslighting you, blameshifting and then love-bombing you so you will continue to be there for them. Outta's description of how she "did it all" while her SA was uninvolved is apt. They play the eternal victim, "poor me." Things always happen TO them. It's never their fault. This is not uncommon to ALL addicts.

Detachment is essential. 12 step programs teach us how to detach with love. We cannot cure or control an addict, nor did we cause their problem. MANY SAs were abused as kids, most are incapable of true intimacy.

Sanon and Cosa are two 12 step programs for spouses of addicts. As is the case here, most are populated with primarily females, that's unfortunate, because I think there are female SAs as well as male, but so be it. Sanon saved my sanity in the early days. To have people who had BTDT was such a relief, so empowering...This wasn't something I could talk about with my friends, it isn't even "regular" infidelity.

My story is in my profile. My SAFWH's primary acting out was flirting, escalation to EAs and dipping into PAs. He also was a heavy porn user. I know of several, now sober, addicts who were only porn addicted.

Holding all of you in the ************LIGHT***********


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2921 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
StuckInHell
♀ New Member
Member # 40741
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SAWH dropped more revelations on me tonight. Unprotected sex a second time with a stripper, hand jobs, blow jobs. I am wondering how I have lived with such a depraved person under my nose for almost 20 years!

For those of you who have gone through this--- how many times or how long did the confession period last?

Went to my Dr. today. They were extremely compassionate. I had STD testing done, and they gave me ambien for sleep.


BS(Me)42
SAWH 41
Married 19 Years
2 Kids 15, 12
Status: D Day 10/20/13

Posts: 26 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Colorado
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stuck - Each little revelation is a new trauma, that is why it is better to save it up for disclosure. This is done formally with a CSAT and preferably you having your own CSAT, also. This is gut wrenching, I am so sorry. It is hard to make it through those days. Do what you can to take care of yourself.

Heartbroken - We can't tell you if your WH is a sex addict. That is something for a CSAT to evaluate. My SAWH had a hard time with sex, many issues around sex and sexuality, there are many SAs that have. Hope you can find some help.

jzkc1502 - Glad he will be seeing a CSAT. Hopefully, you will get some assistance.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
trappe25
♀ New Member
Member # 38513
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stabbed81:

I really appreciate your kind reply. I appreciate that you said you have no judgement and it certainly comes across that way - totally. You speak truthfully yet eloquently. I do feel judgment in some other (not yours) filled posts directed at me - so I thank you.

Thank you for the warning about police, also. I decided to state my truth because I'm all about the truth good bad and ugly. I wanted newbies or anyone else to realize we are all very very different and all have very different lives, ways of handling things, sh*t to overcome and all react differently.

A spouse I speak to once in a while does the same as me. Then, my first Csat warned me about any violence and then when I told her I was leaving her because I felt judged and intimidated - like I had to lie to her - she changed her tune immediately and said it is very common for spouses to react the same way I do and they (Csats) are now discovering that they have to acknowledge it and deal with it and their treatment centers have to speak about this monthly. So for me - and many others - it is normal. But it was too late, I felt I couldn't trust her anymore, so I fired her. She was very sad about it and so was I, but I value trust and respect above all - and here I am with an SA.

I am also in a different position. My husband is huge - tall and muscle and strong and all that f*ng masculine stuff. I'm much smaller with no muscles. It shows on me -not on him. He is a tank. I'm a flower. And he is in a profession that he cannot ever let out what he has done - ever. And the law - they'd look at me and him and leave, really. Plus, I had my SA hand write several pages, signed and dated stating everything he has done and what he will do to rectify it and I have the disclosure. So, the last thing he wants is to tick me off - and law would really tick me off. He does not know where his hand written confessions are hidden.

As far as child custody. Again, thanks. I have that covered to. Child is never around = it's called calculation - like my Sex Addict was. I may be slow, as in trusting a bad man - and yes, I believe cheaters to be bad - if you can't grasp that, that is fine, it is my truth and my belief. I have no room in my heart/mind for liars and deceivers. But like I said I may be trusting but I am finally learning, slowly.

My 2nd csat said he did not have a problem with my rages and said he could understand why they happened. He said it is fairly common in his practice also. He totally agreed my SA deserved it - but just like you said, didn't like what he thought it was doing to me. I've never had rages before, so he didn't want my H destroying me more.

But, again, it is my truth and how things are. If I could get revenge my way, my only revenge would be that my husband feel every single thing I have felt every single second. Believe me, the pain would be so immense, so unbearable, he'd beg for me to rage instead.

Again, thanks for your support. I don't feel it here. I guess that is why I reach out to others when I can.

[This message edited by trappe25 at 12:53 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 27 | Registered: Feb 2013
trappe25
♀ New Member
Member # 38513
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stuckinhell: (aren't we all)

I'm so glad your md's were so nice and helpful and warm.

I had the opposite. My Obgyn - who took care of me for my whole pregnancy, looked at me and almost yelled at me: "What do you want! You look incredible (like that means anything, but it is what he said), you deserve better! What are you doing! What do you want with your life!"

Then his nurse kept giving me strange, weird, sad, bug eyed looks - really really uncomfortable. Thanks.

I felt like such a loser. I felt horrible. I felt ugly (no matter how many compliments I get I feel unworthy of them, plus, I don't like compliments about my physical self, as it is so temporary and I hate ageism, etc. so it's all mind games to me, but anyway, I hated that looks should have anything to do with it, like if I was fat (which I have been in the past - 25 lbs over weight and come from obese parents) I would deserve to be cheated on?????

And then to hear - what do I want? Like I know what I want??? God, my life has fallen off a cliff, I have been deceived my whole life with my H, I'm being tested for STD's, I'm embarrassed that my MD took care of me for 9 months while my H was f*cking whores - yes, while his dear child who he loves so much was inside of me, he was fucking whores. At least the whores made him wear condoms... (Geez no wonder I rage, girls...he could have killed me and my baby....but the whores were the ones who were looking out for me - thanks whores - really, I mean it - for my H admitted that if they didn't put a condom on him he would have done it more happily and left a bigger tip...I hate the word tip now..)

Anyway, and then when my evil husband, yes, evil (read above again), went to do his STD's, his doctor started whispering and looking over his shoulder to make sure there were no nurses/anyone else, around in the hall when my H asked a few questions outside the room as the doctor was leaving and said to him - you don't want anyone to hear you. Like it is so shameful to get STD testing? My H never told him why he was getting testing done.

So in a way, we were both shamed by our docs. Glad to hear other mds handling things more professionally, esp. since I used to work in the medical profession.


Posts: 27 | Registered: Feb 2013
TooManyYears
♀ Member
Member # 26108
Default  Posted: 5:04 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trappe,

This will be my one reply to you on this subject of violence and abuse. You stated quite clearly that you are hitting your SA and do not seem to feel any remorse or regret about abusing another human being. In fact, in your latest post, you are offering up justifications for it.

He puts up with my monthly rages and violence at him - yes, I still hit him and he puts up with it and if he doesn't I threaten him with D.

It is NEVER ok for us to become abusive to others! Hitting someone in a reactionary way once could be construed as a terrible mistake, but a pattern of "monthly rages" is not acceptable. And just because your child/children are not witnessing these outbursts does not mean that there are not TOXIC dynamics in your household.

I wanted newbies or anyone else to realize we are all very very different and all have very different lives, ways of handling things, sh*t to overcome and all react differently.

"Newbies" (and you, yourself are still very new to this whole ordeal and process) do not need to hear violence advocated, either. Yes, we ALL have a lot to overcome. Most of us started with dysfunctional FOO and baggage brought into a relationship where we were gaslighted and lied to for years. Newer members of this terrible club need to realize that there is hope, help, and healing for US as spouses, whether or not our SA's choose recovery. That is the message that bears repeating.

I am not absolving your SA of any blame. Most of us have been abused in one or more ways by our SA's and our FOO. Most SA's have been abused in their FOO and then become abusers, too. Somewhere this cycle has to stop! We have the responsibility to ourselves and our children to gain awareness and change behavioral patterns.

If it is too painful for you to continue to live with your SA, and you cannot control your reactions, perhaps separation would be the best thing for all of you. Abuse aside, you are not healing and you are harming yourself more than anyone else when you rage.


Me- 40
H, rSA- 46
2 young adult children
Married 21 years
Last D-day 9/19/09 (Many before this)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Nov 2009
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those of you who have gone through this--- how many times or how long did the confession period last?

My X confessed very little. I found out about his activities via my own research into his records (phone bills, computer search history, etc.).

It went on until he cheated again, and again. I had to get significant help for myself to get up the courage to leave. I was in some real denial, and fear.

Mine never entered real recovery with a CSAT. He never went to an SA meeting or admitted there was anything wrong with buying sex. So if your partner is remorseful, you'll likely have a different experience.


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2010
trappe25
♀ New Member
Member # 38513
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Missy and Too many years:

Thank you so much for your input.

I really appreciate the chance to exchange my experience here in safety.

Please do not reply to me any further.

If I want to feel like crap, all I have to do is look at my SEX ADDICT husband.

And I know I can leave - I don't need advice on that. Or anything any longer.

Thanks again so much.

[This message edited by trappe25 at 10:34 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 27 | Registered: Feb 2013
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trappe - Hopefully once you work through some of the anger, which is a phase in recovery, you will be able to come back and contribute. Please, please get help somewhere. It is very obvious from your posts that you are hurting and very angry. The healing in recovery is several years and you can work through this. Saying a little prayer for you that you can be open to help and healing in your life. No one on here has malice towards you, we are concerned for you and others that post on here. Yes, violence in reaction to the trauma is a very common reaction. IN THE BEGINNING, however, if there is continued violence and rages, something has to be done to work through this. EMDR or Trauma therapy would be something good to look at. It sounds like you have PTSD and could use someone helping you with that. Best of luck.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those of you who have gone through this--- how many times or how long did the confession period last?

My SAFWH's addictive life began. (I think) in the 1990's. His first EA/PA was in 2002. TT began when I found bits of paper with phone#s in 2008. I found out the real truth in 2009. The 1990's date was what I have figured out based on his behaviors and in retrospect...


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2921 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
stabbed81
♀ New Member
Member # 37686
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My timeline-
After Dday my WH took good 3 to 4 month to spill everything he has done.

Actually, he has not told me ANYTHING voluntarily. Each time I found out something by calling around or going through bills/phone statements.
It was forced confession using different tactics each time. I think that has caused significant amount of trauma. We were in MC who was NOT a CSAT at that time. Bad idea but we did not know any better. I still donít know if I know everything but may be most of it.

We started seeing CSATs 5 months into this ordeal and then we had a formal disclosure 3 months after that.
In my opinion it is better to save it for one time and do it with support of your therapist than receive bits and pieces.


Me-BW 32
Him-33 Sex addict x 5 years
Married 7 years together 13 years
3 year old DD

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Bay area
Issaquah
♀ Member
Member # 34484
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SAWH has been in a recovery program for about 6 months. We finally had a first MC session with a CSAT, the one that runs his men's group. I could tell something was off with him after that appt. She pushed him quite a bit about his recovery, etc whereas the previous MC didn't get the SA stuff and the focus of the sessions was one my pain and my low self esteem - when the focus should have been on the marriage and recovery issues.

Since that MC appt 3 weeks ago he has not gone back to his men's group or any SAA mtgs. I have no idea if he's acting out or not - he's a little distant and did look at an article on his phone called "the 18 hottest female athletes". The pics in the article weren't that revealing, but the idea to look at it in the first place seems like a slippery slope to me.

I have tried to stay out of trying tocontrol his recovery, so I haven't pushed him about going to meetings or pushed him on his excuses as to why he doesn't have a sponsor yet. When is it time for me to start pushing? We meet with his CSAT for another MC session next week.

Thanks


BS - Me, 41 SAHM back in grad school
WS - Husband, 43 SA dx in March 2013
T-20, M-18 college sweethearts
Multiple DDays since 1999 - OW's all the way back to engagement
Most recent DDay 8-12,false R 1/13
DD-11, DS 13 with ASD

Posts: 776 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Virginia
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