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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts-11
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CM -
Part of me wants to print the emails out and save them somewhere then give him back the email account. But that would be just as deceptive as he is. And I don't want to be that person.

No, that would not be being like him. That would be protecting yourself. After having been married to SAs, we lose perspective on protecting ourselves. It is not inappropriate to keep any kind of insurance policy, at this point your SAWH isn't even in recovery and is asking you to delete evidence. Please go with the part of yourself that is cluing you in that erasing these, at this point, would not be wise.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Missy. I needed to hear that. I've been thinking about it all day and wondering why exactly I can't give them up. Now I know. I'm not ready to give up my insurance.

And, it would be interesting to see how he behaves once he thinks I no longer have it...


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 911 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CM, I second Missy's post - what she posted was exactly what I was thinking when I read your post. I once had someone say to me "that's not who you are; you don't want to stoop to their level," and it angered me so much bc that person had never been cheated on or M to an SA. No, we would never normally do such things, but when M to a lying, manipulating SA, the rules have to change to protect ourselves. And we don't have to feel guilty about it.

I agree, it will be interesting to see what he does when he thinks you don't have the info. I wonder why he is focusing on these emails when there are so many more healthy things he could be focusing on - seems manipulative to me.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you think maybe that the only reason he is staying is to keep me from exposing him? If I do delete the emails he will be done? Because the thought has occurred to me.

Your thoughts? ?


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 911 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CM, I don't know your H so I don't know if that's the only reason he's staying. But, if he would be done if you no longer had evidence, why would you want to stay M to someone like that? You deserve so much better. If that is the case, good riddance to him! I know it's hard, though. Hugs to you on this difficult journey.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
SpaceJane
♀ Member
Member # 40303
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you n@n for your help. I am really looking into this codependency issue, specially from his family. Can anyone recommend any articles or books for codependent families?
I don't know if I am handling this well, or if what I am feeling is normal.
I feel like my H can't feel remorseful because from DDay they have been very supportive of him (which I don't mind) but its its become like "ohh poor him, he went though so much as a child, he needs all the Iove and compassion, poor poor man, he is a victim in all this" (literally their words). They tell me every time, "we are not making an excuse but x, y, z", so I'm like, umm you are giving me an excuse, and even if you say it's not an excuse, you are definitely acting like it is. They don't show that it isn't an excuse. I don't know if I am making myself clear. I just feel so betrayed and the fact that they keep nurturing him this way I think makes him feel like what he did has a valid explanation. I don't know how to explain tough love to them, because regardless of everything HE CHEATED ON ME, repetitively :( . Anyone have any advice? Thank you so much.


Me BS: 29
SAWH: 29
M: 3yrs ; T: 12yrs
DDay1: 8/11/13 confessed to tip of the iceberg.
DDay2: 8/26/13 Found secret email, 7 yrs of CL casual encounters, dating websites, massage parlors, etc.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Aug 2013
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spacejane, IDK if this particular book rec will help you, but I am going on a hunch. Given what limited info you have shared about his family, I am going to suggest perhaps he has enmeshment with mother issues. IDK if he does, and I have not personally read these books, but I know other spouses whose SAs have had these issues and read the books and highly recommend them. I've also met the author and he knows his stuff. He is Ken Adams and he has two books, Silently Seduced and When He's Married to Mom.

From the titles it sounds like moms who sexually abuse their boys, but it is not the case. It doesn't help that the psychological term is covert incest, which also sounds like that. Basically it is when a parent winds up treating their child like a partner psychologically, either on purpose or inadvertently, and robbing them of a normal childhood. Talking to them about adult problems, having them assume responsibilities beyond their age, screwing up boundaries, etc. so what you wind up with is a kid that grows up without understanding what real intimacy is, etc and as you know, that is what SA is - an intimacy disorder. Dr. Adams is a highly respected CSAT, and he noticed a large number of SAs had this issue as a result of covert incest (as opposed to sexual abuse/incest).

So again, don't know if this is what you are looking for, but I figured it can't hurt to post it for those it might be helpful for anyway.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Jun 2011
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CM, I agree with the others - how can he ask you to delete evidence if he's not even in recovery? FWIW, my SAWH tried to negotiate deleting evidence early on too. I said we could talk about it when he was actually in recovery and met all my requirements. As you know, he took a damn long time to do so. Eventually he forgot about it, I think, because he hasn't asked about it since.

Tough shit. There are consequences for such behavior. And I agree, if he won't consider R without it, then YOU deserve better.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Jun 2011
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still not having sex. Haven't had sex in about 7 years. Affair had been going on 2.5 years as of March, 2013. Porn addiction has been going on 27 years or more.

SAWH is about 60 days into detox.

Obviously, every case is different. Just looking for people's experiences with this kind of stuff. My MC says the idea of sex needs to be ofd the table for me because it is not going to happen and bringing it up is NOT helping.

Anyone?


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jun 2013
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hath, as always you rock my world. Reading your book recommendation for Jane lit a lightbulb for me! SAWH is very close to his mother. And when he was an early teen was buying groceries for the family with money he earned washing dishes at the Seminary. He told me he used to have to figure out how to feed the family of 5 on what he made. I'm definitely going to get those books.

As to deleting the evidence, I agree. I see no reason I should delete my insurance when he isn't in recovery. I told him I would think about it, but I made no promises other than I wouldn't expose him unless he gave me reason to. I have no interest in hurting him for the sake of hurting him. I just refuse to take the blame for any of this.

He is avidly reading Out of the Shadows and it is resonating with him. He is frequently texting me things that strike him. It's definitely a revelation to him. He's also apologizing for keeping me at a distance our whole marriage.

DDay antiversary is coming up. The A with ExWhore started on my birthday which is tomorrow. DDay was October 10. Two days after our wedding anniversary.

We are still separated. I am enjoying having the space to recover, but I still have the fear of him acting out. Giving up control is so SO hard for me. I'm a Virgo and we LOVE to control things.

I'm going to look into some counseling for myself. I have a lot of trauma that I'm not excited about having to revisit. I was diagnosed with PTSD 10 years ago and it hasn't gotten any better. I have to admit, I am afraid of therapy. I am afraid of the dark places they are going to want me to go. I disassociate in times of trauma. I have VAST gaps in my memories of childhood because I have disassociated so far. A therapist once told me that she feared that if my repressed memories were to come back without the help of a trained therapist that I might actually snap. I've never forgotten her words.

Anyway, thank you all again for being here. I'm sorry for the reason we are all here, but I am so grateful to have you all.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 911 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WomanInFlux, my experience may not be typical. We had what I consider a regular sex life before DD - usually 1-3x a week, with dry spells when I was postpartum with each kid or when everybody was sick when we were in the same city. He had his acting out on top of that. There was no sexual anorexia, and he did not insult me or anything to shame me out of sex. He did try to escalate to super kinky stuff with me, and I would try some but not all and he took it in stride - until DD. Then he tried to blame me simultaneously for being more experience and yet NOT doing kinky shit with him for acting out. Whatever.

Anyway, I couldn't stand to look at him for a long time. I think I let him get me off once or twice before I started recovery, I guess that was my mild version of HB. Basically I initially took sex off the table until two clean STD reports six months apart. Then it was expended another month because of abstinence period in initial therapy. Then at the end of that, I said I wouldn't even consider it until he met all my requirements.

Then when he appeared to be meeting my requirements (a year later) I relented a little and he freaked out and had an epitome. Decided to confess his "true" full history, which was ten times worse, and then failed the polygraph because it was not a complete disclosure. It was only then he really started doing recovery in earnest.

So now, sex is still off the table because he has to pass a poly first before I will consider it. Which he is taking tomorrow, coincidentally. Since he has been meeting all other requirements for some time, I had relented and we do fool around but still don't have sex. To be honest IDK when we will resume, I need to think about STD testing again first because I am more than six months overdue for my yearly appointment already.

By having sex off the table, we have been able to focus on ourselves first, then address our relationship. I didn't really do it because of that, but it worked out beautifully. The rest of the women in my former therapy group had spouses more committed to therapy and thus further along the process than me, so at their year one to year two were already trying to reconnect sexually and most had lots of problems. Either he won't initiate, can't perform, performs badly or not intimately, etc. and they had issues discussing it together.

I haven't had any of that. And he was a ED pill popper, so I was sure we would have issues. Granted, I am sure because actually intercourse is not involved, that makes it easier, but he can still initiate/perform, with intimacy. We discuss our sex life frequently, and he is committed to going slow and doing it right, with intimacy. We talk about it often, in detail. He's still learning what intimacy is.

And I'm not a prude. I LOVE sex. I missed it terribly in the beginning. But honestly sex is not worth risking my life for, and for the first year that was pretty much the assumption I had to make. He has had encounters in the triple digits with high risk people. He was not worth dying for if he wasn't even going to fully commit to recovery.

The question you need to ask yourself after DD is WHY you want to have sex with someone who is not committed to recovery and further in the process. Especially if there are potential STD risks involved. You are absolutely justified in being resentful for not getting any. But after all you know now, why do you still want it with HIM? You totally need to discuss this with your CSAT/IC. You want to make sure you are not further traumatizing yourself. You want to make decisions that are best for your healing.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Jun 2011
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woman, quick post. My SAWH had sexual anorexia for a long time. Most of his adult life, and for him that was the prevailing symptom before he started acting out. One of the best things for us in recovery is that we have better sex now than ever before. He has been working a lot on his fear of intimacy, of course we just suffered a huge boomerang effect from all the intimacy. That said, I took about 6 months off from any sex. I think the rule is at least 90 days and then when YOU feel ready. There is a great book, Couples Guide to Intimacy, that is a workbook our MC CSAT has us use. I highly suggest you read up on Intimacy Anorexia by Doug Weiss and Sexual Anorexia by Patrick Carnes. My SAWH definitely had an emotionally incestuous relationship with his mother, an abusive father and really struggles with intimacy.

Hath - Those books sound fabulous! I hadn't heard of them but know this is one of the big areas my SAWH is working on.

CM - Good idea to start therapy! I love it, and it has been a life saver.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
datura222
♀ New Member
Member # 39766
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My spouse says he is not a sex addict....I believe he is....what do you guys think based on the following information:

-has severe enmeshment/covert-emotional incest issues with his mom (he basically chose that her feelings and wants took priority over mine for our entire 20 year marriage).

-despite my tearful pleas that he stop looking at porn and me catching him masturbating in the shower numerous times, he still continued to used porn unti Dday which was 2 months ago....he says that there were times he didn't use porn for a month or so here and there, but would always go back

-he had a ONS with a prostitute 6 years ago
I found this out because last may I discovered 2 pictures of a prostitute on our iPad. He denied doing anything, but in my gut I knew something was up. He denied it all even up to the point that the results of his first polygraph was read, which he failed miserably.

I polygraphed him. 2 more times, with a different technician, both of which he passed...if the polygraph is true, then he only did it once and has not looked for any encounters since

BUT, that contradicts the prostitute pictures I found in may 2012. He says he was feeling guilty for wanting to use porn after I specifically asked him not to while he was away on business in a hotel room all by himself, he says he just looked at images of girls and didnt know that they were prostitutes...then eventually just resorted to using porn.

Would you guys believe him? And, do you think he is a SA?


In R
Dday: Father's Day 2013
We are madhatters.
Husband took a polygraph due to the risky nature of his infidelity.
Polygraphs: 1 fail, disclosure, passed 2

Posts: 44 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Bay Area CA
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry Datura, but there isn't enough information in your post to make any kind of answer.

There are several "tests" out there on the web that can help determine if you WH is SA. You can try taking the quiz for him, to get an indication, but he really needs to take it and answer honestly to have a clue.

Meanwhile, post here. Ask questions. We'll support you no matter what.

((HUGS))


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 911 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CM - so glad you are getting IC - it has been so empowering for me. Please don't let something a therapist said a long time ago keep you stuck. Yes, bringing up the childhood trauma will be very difficult, but it's the only way to heal and not make the same mistakes. And, it may not be as bad as you fear (not trying to minimize it, as I feel from your post that it is severe trauma). And, if you "snap," as long as you aren't killing someone or yourself, go ahead! Have a nervous breakdown or whatever needs to happen - get it all out and be done with it once and for all. Then you can make connections from past to present and start to heal. Hugs to you on this journey - you are a woman of courage and you can do it!

datura - I would say that there are several red flags in your post. Go to sexhelp.com and have your WH take the test (or if he won't, you take it for him) as a start. Seek out a CSAT (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist) in your area on the same website. Go see the CSAT by yourself if your WH won't go. Read the books on the first page of this thread. Keep posting. Hugs to you.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Datura, I concur many red flags worth following up with a professional.

Also, just wanted to again state I haven't read either of the books I talked about, just know others that have. I did read an excerpt from a book he wrote for other psych docs on SA, not intended for general consumption like a week or so after DD because it was one of the few things I could find available online to read (and it was just one of those Amazon free peek things). In that except he basically said that most SAs did not attach to one or both parents, often the mom, and that played a huge role in developing the intimacy disorder.

And again, disclaimer, just because a man has mommy issues does not in and of itself make him a sex addict. But it seems to be a that a sizable percentage of sex addicts have covert incest/parental attachment problems in their history.

The way I see it, it makes a lot of sense. You see so many young females with daddy issues go astray, start having sex too young, get pregnant as teens, or otherwise become promiscuous or go the stripper/prostitute route. Can you imagine what they would be like if they were in a culture that celebrates that like men do? This is why the female SAs are not as many in number, and have a different profile/methods than most male SAs. For now. It's only a matter of time the numbers will be more equal.

<shudder>


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Jun 2011
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@womaninflux You asked for the experiences of others. Here goes. I have no answers or advice, per se.

Our sex life became non-existent. It was preceded by periods of his not being able to finish, followed by ED. When I asked, I was put off with excuses and finally told "your body DISGUSTS me!" (just as an aside, I had never looked better except when I was 16) The only times we had sex was on "occasions" when it would be odd for him to avoid me, but often he'd initiate a conflict so it would be off the table even then, or if I would seduce him VERY obviously or trick him in the middle of the night. Sadly, on days after we had sex, he would be absolutely miserable to me. I guess the fact of intimacy with someone that you are close to, even love in a warped manner, is so threatening, they have to take it out on that person out of confusion and spite.

After the dust settled on final d-day, I was VERY hopeful that we'd once again be "normal." We didn't have official abstinence period, no guidance there. But there wasn't any sex either. I tried to push the subject, got nowhere, nothing but resistance and non answers and no CSAT to guide us through this. Finally, working with a CSAT, she recommended a book, Sexual Integration Therapy. Disaster. I guess it addressed issues about emotional intimacy, that he just couldn't deal with. I don't think we got past the third chapter.
About a year ago we attempted. I had planned a lovely romantic weekend away, dinner and a room in a great location. Apparently I was responding in a way that he thought wasn't "enough" and he pulled away angrily comparing my performance to that of a dead person, "I'm not into necrophilia!" I haven't been willing to try since.

I believe now that right after d-day and even a year ago, he simply wasn't ready for the real intimacy that is required in a sober relationship. God only knows what was happening last year and I don't much care. He was an asshole that's all I know about that.

I think that he still wasn't capable of that level of connection. Unfortunately, the trauma he inflicted on me is deep.

I think he MAY be truly in recovery now, 4 years after sobriety.

This addiction IS an intimacy disorder. These people are INCAPABLE of true intimacy. We, who HAD normal sexual urges, got cheated out a real life...Repairing it with the help of a careful therapist may be possible. But I think the longer the addiction has gone on, the longer it will take to undo the warped thinking. And if damage was done to the spouse, well, the puzzle is further complicated.

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 9:56 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)]


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2905 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I just want to add, as I deal with the reality of my DS#1's relapse...addiction sucks. It sucks the pleasure out of life, sucks the soul out of a beautiful day, sucks the faith out of a spirit, sucks the joy out of a smile.

I hate it. I hate that I married it. I hate that I probably passed it down to my kid through my sick, abusive mother, through my choice of fathers, hate that I exposed him to the dysfunctional family where he watched me get put down by and put up with his father's abuse and neglect. I hate that I was a single parent and I wasn't good enough to give him the strength to overcome this. I hate that he's not 6 years old and I can't hold him and comfort him and make it all better. I hate that I go to sleep every night worrying that he'll kill himself because he is so sad that he thinks he's failed, failed us, failed his support groups, failed himself.

I am powerless. And I hate it.

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 10:05 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)]


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2905 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to admit, I am afraid of therapy. I am afraid of the dark places they are going to want me to go. I disassociate in times of trauma. I have VAST gaps in my memories of childhood because I have disassociated so far. A therapist once told me that she feared that if my repressed memories were to come back without the help of a trained therapist that I might actually snap. I've never forgotten her words.

I question the wisdom of a therapist suggesting someone might snap. what's to be gained by saying that?

I'm sorry you are fearful of therapy. I had not done any prior to DDay #1. I feel as though I've been lucky with the therapists I've encountered. They're all quite different but I think I have gained something from each. When my first therapist recognized my trauma and PTSD, and suggested EMDR, I was quite anxious about it. I read a book about it before I would try it. The therapist and I had been working together for a few months, so trust had been built up first. At a later time, I was going to do more EMDR therapy with him, and at the beginning of the session, I couldn't do it. I felt I was going to pass out! My therapist recognized that we would not be trying the EMDR at that time, and we did some mild visualization instead. A few sessions later, we were able to do the EMDR. I've also since done "breathwork" which I hear (and believe) is like EMDR on steroids. I know these things are going to be intense for me, and I have to gear up to do them, but I do because I know they will help me. The help is so much faster than regular talk-therapy. At all times, I've been told I can stop during the EMDR/breathwork, whenever I want.

I guess the things I would like to share with you are that you can and should develop trust with a therapist before getting too deep. Trust yourself to know if it's not a good relationship between the two of you. Trust yourself to take things slowly, and that you'll speak up whenever you are uncomfortable. I think that you should discuss this with a therapist-candidate up front, so that you will hear what the therapist thinks and will do as you delve into difficult areas. I hope that you'll find someone who is respectful of you.


Posts: 1050 | Registered: Aug 2010
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Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hate that I exposed him to the dysfunctional family where he watched me get put down by and put up with his father's abuse and neglect. I hate that I was a single parent and I wasn't good enough to give him the strength to overcome this. I hate that he's not 6 years old and I can't hold him and comfort him and make it all better. I hate that I go to sleep every night worrying that he'll kill himself because he is so sad that he thinks he's failed, failed us, failed his support groups, failed himself.

I am powerless. And I hate it.

Oh, Scaredy!! {{{{{ Mama SK }}}}}

I hate it, too, for your son and my children and all the children in SA families!!!! It's horrible, and I hate we can't do anything!!

Hang in there!! I'm sending up prayers!


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