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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts-11
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@nicnac...I don't know exactly what you are asking...Sex addicts in true recovery have a high standard for what they consider sobriety and that includes no sex with anyone, including selves, EXCEPT for their spouse. And sex addicts with long years of recovery still consider themselves sex addicts.
My SAFWH did mostly flirting, EAs and porn before he escalated to the rest. I'm finding out there was a lot of the former. His actual sex with OWs, not counting lapdancer (I do) consisted of 5 encounters with 2 different women. His sex addiction began as a child and continued into his 50's.
I hope this helps you a bit.

The best way for him to find out if he is a sex addict is a proper diagnosis. It's important to note that sex addiction is basically an intimacy disorder. Sex addict is cannot form real relationships with anyone, so the porn, chance encounters and fantasy hookups replace real ones.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
SpaceJane
♀ Member
Member # 40303
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

N&N thank you for The reply, since this has been so recent (1 week) i still have a lot to read and educate myself about this issue. I've mostly read about sex addiction and what it really means, recovery, etc. I am not completely sure what being codependent is, does that mean that we facilitate his actions? His family has said they don't excuse his behavior but have given me reasons of why this must have been (apparently a lot of child abuse has been going on that I never knew). And yes, they tell him that it will be a lot of hard work but we are in this together as a family and will help you get better. Not tough love at all. They also live in another state so they have not seen him since dday. But I am sure that If they saw him they would immediately just hug him, cry, and give him love. So no I don't think it's tough love. I left the house when I found out and I have only seen him once, i couldnt even look at him without crying, he is not the man I married :(.

Aroundtheworld, I identify with you a lot, since I am new here too and I am the same age, have been with my husband for 12 years, only difference is I've been married 3 years. I also worry about my future since we were going to start trying for a baby end of this year, and now with this storm that hit us, all that has been put on hold. I also worry about having to take care of this issue and maybe not being able to have a family because I don't know how long it will take, and I am not getting any younger. I also hear from people telling me that I am young and can start fresh, but its is a scary tought after having shared 12 years of my life with this man who I thought was mine. We also were our "only's". I am so sorry you find yourself here. I have had so much good advice from the posters here, good luck to you I and I hope that we can lean on each other for support. Sending you hugs.


Me BS: 29
SAWH: 29
M: 3yrs ; T: 12yrs
DDay1: 8/11/13 confessed to tip of the iceberg.
DDay2: 8/26/13 Found secret email, 7 yrs of CL casual encounters, dating websites, massage parlors, etc.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Aug 2013
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Jane... I'm so sorry, I posted a long reply to you, it must have gotten lost in cyberspace. All of my post to Around applies to you as well. Both of you should seek out an Sanon or COSA group, they will help you figure out codependency, boundaries and your role in this mess. Please understand from the get go that YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME IN ANY WAY. Even if you, as I did, enabled some of the dysfunction, even though I was unaware of the acting out, we did not cause it, cannot control it and can't cure it, its all on them.
Residential treatment facilities are wonderful options in situations like this. They provide a family support that is a part of the program. But whatever happens, you need to keep the focus on you. Sanon will help you learn to do that.
PM me if you need to. I've been on this path a long time.
Hugs and ***LIGHT*** to us all.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
SpaceJane
♀ Member
Member # 40303
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you ScaredyKat, I did read your reply, I've read everything.. And I appreciate all the time you took to give your advice. I am so thankful that there are people like you who are willing to offer their help and time to those of us who are just started crossing this huge ocean :(
I will start looking for a IC and a support group to be more educated about this. Thank you so much!


Me BS: 29
SAWH: 29
M: 3yrs ; T: 12yrs
DDay1: 8/11/13 confessed to tip of the iceberg.
DDay2: 8/26/13 Found secret email, 7 yrs of CL casual encounters, dating websites, massage parlors, etc.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Aug 2013
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SJ - yes, you are right about codependency. Codependency is many things, e.g., cleaning up the addict's mess, hiding their addiction for them to others, snooping and trying to prevent them from getting their "supply," minimizing the destruction their addiction causes. I was referring to his family possibly being that way with him. "Codependent No More" by Meoldie Beattie is a great book to read and SO eye-opening. The rest of this post you may not be ready for because your dday is so recent, but in regards to spouses of SAs, codependency can be a dirty word of sorts because it implies that we enabled the addiction and many of us didn't even know about it. The more recent thinking for SA spouses is the trauma model, meaning that we are traumatized from the sexual acting out and so we act the way we do not because of codependency, but because we are trying to prevent further trauma.(whew! veterans - chime in if I didn't get that quite right). That is my understanding at this point in my journey. Anyway, the book is a good and pretty fast read.

The most important thing in the early days is to try to eat, drink, get some exercise or get out in nature, try to get some sleep, start to try to find an IC (it would be good if you could see a CSAT if you have one in your area for support and resources). You can find the nearest one to you at sexhelp.com.

The veterans will tell you the most important thing to do is focus on yourself, so that you will be ok no matter what your addict does. Focusing on yourself means IC with a good therapist, exercise, massage, mani/pedi, vacation, hot cup of tea,, meditation, prayer - whatever works for you. Yoga has worked wonders for me. In the early days, you are just trying to wrap your head around what your H has done, the lies and deception, the pain. Then you start taking little steps to do things for yourself, get stronger, set some boundaries (boundaries are HUGE in this!), build up your self-esteem, etc. If you focus on yourself, you will get stronger, learn a lot about yourself and be able to withstand staying with or leaving the addict.

Hugs to all SA spouses!


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Posting in OT tonight, help sisters, thanks Missy...DS#1 relapsed after more than 18 months sober, DWI, he's okay physically, court tomorrow, he won't let us come.
He's getting support from his sponsor in his recovery group, not AA, IDK if he called his AA sponsor or not, he's shutting me out. She is working to get him back in a residential program. She's the expert...I'm a mess, and back to work tomorrow.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SK - The reading in The Language of Letting Go for today might be helpful. We read it at our meeting tonight. (((hugs)))

AFM, thing have been off here. I'll chat tomorrow after we go to MC.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SK - I wish I were there in person to give you a huge hug. I know how proud you were of your DS being in recovery. Glad to hear he is ok physically. As far as him shutting you out, I'm sure he's ashamed and probably needs time to process it himself before he is able to process it with you. Give him time. Glad he's getting support from his sponsor in his recovery group. I hope work isn't too difficult for you tomorrow and maybe it will help you take your mind off things...

((((((((SK))))))))


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((SK))))

I'm so sorry to hear this about your son! It's one thing to deal with our man children but, when something like this happens to our real children it breaks a mother's heart.

I think N&N is right. He knew how prod you were of his getting his pin recently and now bears the embarrassment of a court proceeding as well as knowing he let you down. Give him a little time to get his feet back under him. He's been in recovery for a while now and sounds like he has a good support group so he will work it out and move on. He has your blood in him so I know he won't be defeated in the long run!

Please keep us posted!


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 492 | Registered: Apr 2013
Notmetoo2011
♀ Member
Member # 32912
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sK)))

So sorry to hear about your son. Glad he is getting help from his sponsor. With regard to shutting you out, as others have said, I'm sure he feels embarrassed to have let you down and will come around.


Me-BW 47
SAWH 48
Married 25 years.
4 children
D-Day 26/07/11
Multiple PAs, ONS,

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2011
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sK)))

So sorry to hear about your DS. Since my WH never even got to the point of admitting a problem I can't imagine the anquish of having the sobriety broken after doing so well. I hope things go well for him in court and I'm happy that he took steps to get himself back on track.


For everyone else here - especially the long timers who may have separated/divorced I have a question. When your SAWH left the home did his SA just get worse and more out of control? I can still see my WH texts and in the last 4 days he has contact call girls twice and texted 3 different women about dates. I can't believe how much he seems like he is running crazy and chasing anything he thinks he can get. I'm committed to the path of divorce because at this point I truely need to protect myself and my boys but it hurts to see the person I loved act this way. Can anyone else relate?


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For everyone else here - especially the long timers who may have separated/divorced I have a question. When your SAWH left the home did his SA just get worse and more out of control? I can still see my WH texts and in the last 4 days he has contact call girls twice and texted 3 different women about dates. I can't believe how much he seems like he is running crazy and chasing anything he thinks he can get. I'm committed to the path of divorce because at this point I truely need to protect myself and my boys but it hurts to see the person I loved act this way. Can anyone else relate?

Phoenix,

I don't know first hand what my X is doing currently, but his use of prostitution continued during the divorce proceedings. I saw online that he tried a dating site (a week after I filed for divorce), but I guess that didn't work out too well so he went back to the sex for pay site.

My CSAT says it's a progressive disease, so I assume he is getting into more illicit things to get the high to try and stop the pain he's in. From the dealings I have with him, he does seem more delusional, and the abuse he hands out hasn't cleared up either. I've got no contact established on my end, but he sometimes still emails me, and he still messes up as a father, IMO.

I think that the failure of the marriage and the fallout of that with his children causes him pain, and he drinks and acts out sexually to numb it. Things don't get better if you're actively using, so the spiral continues.

It is sad. Part of me thought that once separated or divorced, he'd behave more normally and just get a girlfriend. That doesn't seem to be his current path. I pray for him everyday. I take things one day at a time, and take care of me.

{{{ Phoenix }}}


Posts: 1052 | Registered: Aug 2010
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix and Compartmented - great posts - thanks for sharing. Your insights are very helpful to me (and I'm sure many others).

So I told my SAWH that he needs to move out. He has been crying and said he needs more time to tell the kids. He then said that the contract was negotiable. I don't know what to do. I feel like I will need to teach him how to be in a relationship (i.e., that it isn't a "I give you this, so you have to give me that" equal exchange program) and let him know that he will not be able to hang out with his friends (the ones in the first trip are into porn and then ones in the second, Vegas trip went along with his cheating, so neither are good influences for him at this point in his recovery). I was thinking that I should tell him to go over the contract with his CSAT so it would be his CSAT telling him that these things are not ok instead of me being the bad guy.

At the same time, I am not sure I want to go yet another round with him - he is clearly not into recovery and I don't know if this is yet another stall tactic and a waste of my time. I don't know if he will ever truly enter into recovery.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
cds22
♀ Member
Member # 39083
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh SK I am heartbroken for you. I am praying for strength for your son to regain his sobriety and also for you to find some peace, while surrounded by so much addiction.

N&N, it is very hard to make a decision while your spouse is bawling in front of you. Can you separate -- out of house separate, very strict parameters around contact -- and give yourself a little time and headspace for decisionmaking? I am a little pessimistic over here in internetland -- someone that would come up with that contract after betraying his family just needs so, so much work and help. And how can he get that and benefit from it if he is denying he is an addict?


Posts: 209 | Registered: Apr 2013
stabbed81
♀ New Member
Member # 37686
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,
I have not been posting here so much but really value all the postings on this thread.
I really need your advise on something. Can't rely on my real life support other than therapist at this point of time.
Brief background-
We are little over a year from DDAY. Started seeing CSATs 8 months ago. Went through disclosure and poly. He passed the poly. We are in the process of R. Per his IC, part of the reason he started acting out because he has hard time dealing with difficult situations. He avoids any confrontation and he keeps resentments buried in him.
One of his traits is lying just to avoid stuff. Around three months ago he lied to his therapist about being intimate with me because it was in his inner circle. His therapist and my therapist have consent to talk to each other and his therapist found out. He only admitted after being confronted.
That time I flipped out and I told him any more lies after this and I am out of here.
Last week, He lied to me about a trivial thing. He lied about not eating his lunch but he was eating it as he was talking to me on the phone. I know , something silly but this triggered me badly and I told him that I want to separate and things were pretty bad. He did have remorse about it but did not reach out to his support system. I called our MC for an immediate crisis resolution.
Now I know that recovery is not linear process but my question is do I have to be triggered every time he lies? Do i have to spend my life in fear that any moment he can start deceiving? Sometimes I feel like is this the price I pay for being married to an addict?
I also take a jibe on my self esteem because I say I will divorce then end up staying and not following through on my words.
I don't know if I make any sense here but things are really tangled in my mind right now.
I would appreciate any piece of advise.
Thanks


Me-BW 32
Him-33 Sex addict x 5 years
Married 7 years together 13 years
3 year old DD

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Bay area
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so much going on....

(((SK))) It must be so hard watching your son go through this. I hope you are taking comfort in him appearing to go on the right track.

Phoenix, I have not pursued the D route, but my SAWH told me once about a year ago after I mentioned an alternate past-tense reality where I kicked him out right away and D'd him, that he was grateful I didn't. That he could see now that at that time, he was in such a bad place/denial/head up ass that he would have likely spiraled out of control and potentially got arrested or fired as a result of increased acting out. And I know it is very common for SAs to do that, because they haven't admitted there is a problem and haven't reached rock bottom.

What I would do is discuss it with your L. His illicit activities may or may not impact your D, your SS/CS, and custody/visitation. In my state it really didn't impact much - maybe he could be told to pick up my L fees, that's about it. If I could prove the $ spent, maybe I could be entitled to some of it, but that would have been difficult at best. Custody-wise my state demands no less than 40/60 split, and prefers 50/50, and without arrests or proof of neglect it would be difficult to demand otherwise.

So what I did was basically secure a favorable post nup while he was still reeling from the guilt. I can't actually get sole custody in it here, but I put a document in it that he basically agrees to it and led him to believe I can. I told him if he didn't do it, the courts would force the kids on him 40% of the time on a schedule they determine, whereas if he deferred custody to me we could work out our own arrangement with much more flexibility for his schedule.

Do talk to your L though so you know if there is evidence you should be collecting and are collecting it in a legal manner. In my state I can't put spyware on his computer or cell phone, even if the computer was bought with MY credit card and the cell account was in MY NAME. But I could file a report and have the police do foresics, KWIM? I can hire a PI to take pictures/video of him, etc.

It's sad but usually if the SA wants unsupervised visitation with the kids they can almost always get it. Many either get vindictive with the D and use the kids to their advantage, or they have a shark lawyer that does. So if there is any way you can get him to agree to a visitation arrangement you are comfortable with before the D process starts, the better.

Numb:

I was thinking that I should tell him to go over the contract with his CSAT so it would be his CSAT telling him that these things are not ok instead of me being the bad guy.

At the same time, I am not sure I want to go yet another round with him - he is clearly not into recovery and I don't know if this is yet another stall tactic and a waste of my time. I don't know if he will ever truly enter into recovery.

I think this is a great idea, and you should tell him word for word what you wrote above. And mail/send the CSAT the contract regardless.

[This message edited by hathnofury at 1:31 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Jun 2011
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NaN: There is a study done at U of AZ about how "tough love" is more effective in dealing with a Sex Addict vs. nurturing them.

Obviously, you can't control what they do. He goes on the trip, he doesn't move back in. I'd probably change the locks in his absence.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jun 2013
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm back for more support from you wonderful ladies. Welcome to the newbies. You will find so much here. There are so many wise women in this group. I've learned so much.

So, an update on my situation. I've been out of the house for about a month now. We still talk or text often and we do spend some time together. Mostly with DD22.

This past weekend I FINALLY got him to start reading Out of the Shadows. I started reading it and it blew me away. I text him a few passages and they resonated with him as well (it helps that he has 22 years sober and 15 active years in AA). So, he started reading. He says its like a lightbulb going off. So much now makes sense. He's figured out that repressed anger is his issue and mostly his trigger to masturbate.

We've had some good conversations and some not so good. Today he asked me to give him the password back to his "secret" email account and to delete the emails proving his SA behavior (the ones soliciting sex on CL). He says the "threat" of me exposing him makes it impossible for us to R. I pointed out that I've had that proof for 2 years and haven't exposed him and that I probably never would. The only thing that would make me tempted would be if he were to start bashing me unfairly to his family and our friends. Then I would have to have the proof or no one would believe that sweet, gentle, funny, everybody's best friend WH would EVER do that. His Mother still refuses to acknowledge that he is an alcoholic! But I digress.

We ended the conversation with my agreeing to think about giving him back the password and deleting the emails and him agreeing to work harder to make me feel safe, especially since we are separated.

Neither of us is sure if we can work through this. We both have days where we think it's possible and then something happens and we think, HELL NO!

I'm tired. I still need to see some action from him as in attendance in AA. It's a plus that he is reading and not rejecting the SA. But he can't work recovery alone.

Thank you all for being here. I know I don't offer much, but I gain strength and knowledge from each of your posts here and I hold each of you up into the light every single day.

I raises my glass to us all.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 911 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, everyone. Things have been busy here! So I'll just dive in. We had MC today and it was very good, as usual. Things have been terrible with my SAWH over the last month. He has been difficult and moody, then Sunday night I realized he had been lying about something (not SA related). I blew up, which I am not proud of. It was the lie on top of all the other BS from him, as well as really crappy sex for the last month. Well, the MC said that she had kind of expected this to happen. My SAWH (as many addicts) is Avoidant. We had gotten really close and things had been going well, so he was freaking out and pushing me away. It was hurtful and triggering for me.

CM - Do not give him back the password and delete those emails! If you end up D, then you will need those. It is good that he recognizes his SA but he has to see a CSAT and go to SA, SAA or SLAA.

NandN - I was figuring this would happen. Your SAWH isn't very far into recovery and still have very distorted thinking. Tit for tat makes sense in his twisted mind. That is a way to not really take full responsibility. Definitely send the info to his CSAT, no matter what you decide to do about the relationship.

Phoenix - It is a progressive disease. I know when SAWH and I separated before I knew what was really going on, he had accelerated his behavior.

Stabbed - As you can see from above, lying has been a problem for my SAWH. He has to realize that there is NO lying. Our MC CSAT really reminded him of this today and that he can't keep pushing me away with his behavior and attitude.

Well, I have some hungry and cranky kids. Have to run!


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Missy, and thanks for the response. The emails won't matter if we D. We are no fault and we have no real assets anymore anyway.

I have been thinking all day why I don't want to delete them and I think its because they are my insurance against being blamed for our problems. I just HATE the blameshifting and rewriting. He tries to tell me that he tells people "I have my part in this too." Fucking throw away phrase! That could mean anything. Like he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. That is nowhere NEAR having sex with strangers. That in no way describes the trauma he has put me through.

I don't know why I care what his family think. Except that I used to love them and I was so happy to be a part of that family. I'm tired of being blamed.

Part of me wants to print the emails out and save them somewhere then give him back the email account. But that would be just as deceptive as he is. And I don't want to be that person.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 911 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
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