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Newest Member: doihavechoice (44727)

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User Topic: age of the AP
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not writing this to bash any of you who are in their twenties. This is a question and observation. Just kinda curious about the general AP ages. My H was 37 and had an A with a 27 yr old. I at the time was turning 38.

I think there is a whole generation of twenty some-things that think having affairs and being the "other" women is cool and attractive. It sucks that our husbands fall for it or are attracted to it. An observation made by seeing other posts. Or perhaps it is every generation and it is an age thing. I know there are exceptions. I have seen them here, but it seems that the normal female AP is in their twenties.

We can be that way too (thirty or forty year olds), if we let go of our integrity and moral values.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 933 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband was 37 when he had his A. The OW was in her early thirties.

I don't agree with the idea that most OW are in their 20s. That's not true from my experience. Broken people (and it takes a broken person to be either a WS or an OP) can be any age.

My sister is 40 and she's been an OW several times. It has nothing to do with her age. She's BPD- just diagnosed this year- and her constant search for validation from unavailable men is an issue that goes far beyond her age.


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
LonelyBH
♂ New Member
Member # 38634
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is an issue I have except its opposite, all the om in my case are much older, 1 of them twice my age. It is disturbing to me, but in my opinion its simply that men are typically attracted to younger women and typically women are attracted to older men. My ws didn't have an affair because she thought it was cool, she did it because she had problems and unhappiness and she thought that multiple partners would get her the attention and happiness she was looking for. The age difference didn't bother her at the time but she says it does now, and it defintely bothers me.


BH:22
WW:22
S:4
Dday:2-27-13
Almost Reconciling

Posts: 21 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: LonelyBH
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wxh was 41, mow was 29. She was very immature. She was also a stupid bitch.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7564 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
bloodstream
♀ Member
Member # 32999
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H was 41, OW was 24.

I was 37.... and for the first time felt really old.


me: heartbroken
him: the one who did it
in R

Posts: 90 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Just South Of There....
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH was 54 at dday. MOW claimed 45, more likely pushing 50. I was 47.

I do agree that most 20-somethings seem to have a much more laid back attitude to "hooking up". It is probably part of why they think nothing about hooking up with a married man.

MOW in our case was a serial cheater in at least her second marriage. She admitted that she stalked my WH and waited for the prime opportunity (he was stumbling drunk and away from home) to proposition him. This is apparently her M.O. at all the work conferences she attends. I think she gets self-worth out of getting married men to sleep with her.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 836 | Registered: Jun 2012
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was 42 when the affair began. I was 37. MOW was 36.

Age wasn't as important as opportunity.

She worked for him and made it very clear that she was very willing and available.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 753 | Registered: Feb 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Age has nothing to do with it.

In my case the X & I were 52 on d-day; the OW was 47.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20031 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
BW2639
♂ Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During my fWW's Affair, I was late 40's...she and the OM were early 40's.


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW/now-wifetress is 7 or 8 years older than me, I believe. I know that as we get older, age is so much less relevant, but still, imagine other people's reactions when I tell them my husband left me for an older woman.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12144 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of my H's OW were within a year or two of his age. He was 31 and I was 30. None were younger.

Posts: 1057 | Registered: Jan 2013
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my experience it has nothing to do with the chronological age of the AP.

There were so many OW in my case - DD OW was around my age, lots of others in their late 20s, current OWUmpteen is in her early 20s and had been fucking my husband for years before I realised. I trusted her taste more than I trusted his fidelity.

Fucked up has no age limit.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
HeartInADustpan
♀ Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who knows about most of my WH's AP's. They were simply behind a computer screen. Hell, sometimes I hope he was chatting up some 80 year old perv guy. Sorry, I'm a little bitter.

The ones he *actually met* or Skyped with were all younger. Mostly in their 20's. I think one was maybe 30. Still younger than me. Ugh. He was such an a-hole.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think broken people of any age can and do apply to be AP.

FWIW my xwh had affairs with people older then me.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1321 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Fossy
♀ New Member
Member # 39486
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH's AP is 24, he's 58 and they have been living together since July 2012.


Me 54
WH 58
M 25 years
Multiple D days and affairs.
WH currently living with 24 year old, but wants out. I'm still stupidly hopeful.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: fossy
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After taking some time to calculate the number of OW, and reduce them into nice tidy fractions.... A denominator of 3 looks less daunting to me.

I have determined that 2/3 of them were over 35. The other 1/3 were twenty-somethings.

The only one to make the choice to enter into a full PA was the MOW cruising 40.

So based on my experience...age isn't relevant. Well actually if I was only going from my experience alone...more than half the time these women were well OUT of their 20's.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was 40 (and pregnant).

Wh 38.

Skank 37 or 38. Twice divorced by age 36. Both he and she big drinkers/alcoholics.

The first yr of the affair, early in 2008, I was cleaning the closet or looking for something and came across a letter addressed to his friends dd in his home country of costa rica. Girl was somewhere in her mid-teens (14 to 16) at thr time. The way he wrote the letter...very inappropriate. He told her not to tell anyone of the letter and for her to respond to his friends p.o. box. I wonder if ow knew about this budding relationship. I should have kept it and shown her, lol.

Tho I hear males from his country and where I live wanting younger women and I know young girls from his country wanting older males, when it comes to affairs, it runs the gammet. The only constant is the immorality and selfishness of those people


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8215 | Registered: Sep 2007
bestrongforyou
♀ Member
Member # 25818
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was 35 back then, he was 31 - OW was 26 :-(


Me(39)BS Him(35)

Posts: 659 | Registered: Oct 2009
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My STBX (we're separated) had multiple OW.

A few were in their 30's & 40's, a few were in their 20's. The ones in their 20's were more blatant.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was 26 at the time of the affair. My now-ex husband was 27. OW was 35.

Age has nothing to do with it.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
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