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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: just a vent about one more issue my A has caused...
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BH and I live in a small town....it is the one we both grew up in. Our home is within a mile of both my parents and his parents and both our families (along with each of us) know many people in the town.
Last night I went to dinner with my parents at one of the two resteraunts in town. When we got there I immediately saw my MIL's car and guessed that my BH and daughter were also in the resteraunt. My BH and I currently have joint custody of our daughter; Friday's are one of the days she is with him.

So my parent's and I went in and sat down and I was approached by a waitress who I know, and was told my daughter was indeed in the other room with my in-laws.

I cannot even begin to put into words how awful it felt to have my little girl in the same building as me, and to not be sitting with her like I should be. I felt so awkward when I went to say hi to her (and not only cuz my in-laws now hate me) because it was just such a messed up situation. I shouldn't be stopping by to say hi to my own daughter when I see her in a resteraunt, I should be sitting at the same table with her.

I still feel so sad about the whole thing, and am so angry at myself for it...if I hadn't have been selfish and had an A than my BH and I would still be together, and our daughter would be able to eat at a resteraunt with her mommy and daddy at the same table, rather than say goodbye to mommy when she leaves.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 814 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. How are things going with BH?


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1971 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
grains
♂ Member
Member # 32590
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It must be truly painful to know that for that moment you cannot sit with your daughter. You did go to her and greeted her and let her know that you are very much connected to her inspite of all the bad feeling from the other people who were there. We cannot change what has happened - the infidelity . You did have the courage to affirm your relationship with your daughter inspite of all the awkwardness. I also think that deep down you know that blaming yourself and being angry at yourself will not help you become a healthier person. I think that your daughter would like you to be healthier person. It might help stop the your negative self-talk if you think of it that way. Be safe and be well and be free.


WH 60
BS 50
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day 03/01/2011

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2011
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry Alyssamd. That had to have been incredibly hard.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6165 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
badchoice
♂ Member
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am really sorry to hear this. . I know exactly what you are talking about. Hugs to you.


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D


Posts: 725 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
HeartInADustpan
♀ Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, Alyssamd, my heart hurts for you. I can't imagine how painful it must be.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for the kind words, I do appreciate them.
Grains: I know you are right and the negative self talk....I am working towards being a healthier person...it's funny because before the A I never realiZed how unhealthy I am.

Mrs Panda: things between BH and I are going well I guess. I just came back from visiting him...we were able to discuss many of the things we haven't talked about yet, and though it was difficult for both of us I think it was a step in the right direction.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 814 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel sorry for your daughter and yes you should feel bad, otherwise you would be one of the ones who think what they did was okay.

The consequences of an A is the destruction of lives of family as they once knew it.

My xh saw what an A did to our sons gf but said she should forgive her dad, he was in his own A at the time and just didn't care what it would do to his kids. His kids are now reaping the reward of coming from a broken home while he left town so he could start new where no one knew him.

I feel sorry for the innocent bystanders. This is not a 2x4, just a simple sigh and not understanding why a WS doesn't think of what happens after the A and how it will destroy the people they are supposed to protect and love.


Posts: 2166 | Registered: Mar 2011
ophelia24
♀ Member
Member # 38438
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That must be incredibly sad for you Alyssa, not to mention the shame you must feel with your inlaws. It's a terrible thing to see the damage we do with the choices we make.

However, when you wrote this...

it's funny because before the A I never realiZed how unhealthy I am.

.... Means you are on the road to looking at yourself hard and why an affair seemed the only way to cope with pain. Good for you. And I wish you all the best.


“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
― James Baldwin

Posts: 255 | Registered: Feb 2013
Trying33
♀ Member
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 4:48 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry about that experience. It was gut-wrenching to read.

Were you able to tell H how you felt following the restaurant episode?


Posts: 361 | Registered: Mar 2013
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you asked about moving back yet? If not, why not?


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1971 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you trying! I did discuss it with my H and he was sympathetic.

I have asked to move back home but my H will not let me yet, he is not ready. Although we are talking and both in IC he doesn't know if he wants to be back with me


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 814 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 12

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