WH would like for us to remain separated indefinately so that he can continue to receive these benefits. He said he would most likely be denied private coverage (and it's expensive) due to pre existing conditions and he smokes.
I don't want him to be uninsured. I know he engages in very risky sex, works in a dangerous environment and would not be able to seek counseling should he ever decide to. He said he would pay the difference. I am going to ask that he sign and notarize a statement that he is solely responsible for all medical bills he incurs.
My question is, are there any hidden negatives to this type of arrangement for me? is there anything I should watch out for. I don't want to be paranoid, but I just don't trust him.
If you have the choice, no way. Actions, meet consequences. He engaged in behavior that he was fully aware might lead to S or D. One of the consequences is that he loses his health insurance. Now he can get his own. Pre-existing conditions won't be grounds for denial when the ACA provisions take effect. It will probably just cost him more. Poor baby.
When I spoke to the insurance rep about dropping him because we were separated, the rep said "wow, that's cold." I responded with, "cold is a two way street." He said, "I get it." End of discussion and insurance...
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
There is no upside for you staying M to this man. In fact, it means that you are still tied to him financially. His bad financial decisions could become your problem. Also, if he does get sick and racks up a bunch of medical bills, YOU will be responsible for paying them.
Starting in 2014, he can no longer be denied medical insurance because of a pre existing condition. That is the law. The fact that his insurance may be expensive is not your problem.
And as you said, you don;t trust him so why on earth would you risk your financial future to help the person who single handedly brought you to your knees??
He engages in risky sex. He smokes. He works in a dangerous environment. He has already screwed you emotionally... what is stopping him from screwing you financially? And even if you go and get everything notarized and in writing, it is still going to cost you attorney fees and such when you have to drag his ass into court over it. And the most important thing: YOU DON'T TRUST HIM. That is a game stopper right there. Sometimes we have to put our compassion aside. He needs to do like the rest of us and get his own insurance.
Don't do it!!!!
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
All things for HIM to consider. None of it has anything to do with you any longer.
I think the biggest negative would be that you are taking over a responsibility that is now all his own. He made the choice and this is a consequence he should have considered. If he didn't...not your problem.
Don't do it. He can get his own insurance beginning in 2014, or find another patsy. Don't agree to this!
I think what we forget is that they are looking out for their interests, not ours. Things would look a lot differently in our lives if they cared about what was best for us. I know it's tough because you still want to make sure he's ok, but if he can run a business, he can figure out how to get himself insurance coverage.
We are in an unusual situation as EX is gay and cannot marry in our state, so no point in rushing for D. We live completely separated lives, in separate areas. We are filing this year simply because I'm tired of saying I"m S. We worked it out that he has to pay for my COBRA for 3 more years...
For US, there was nothing but positives, although I am looking forward to being D. Financially, it just made sense for us.
But, I am the BS, I hadn't and wont be working for another year or more, I do not engage in anything risky, and it was free to cover me. By the time the D is complete, I will have been S for 3 years.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
Funny, . . . NOT!
A divorce is a "qualifying event" so as soon as you are divorced, if you are not responsible for having him on your healthcare plan, you can kick him off.
[This message edited by Catwoman at 12:03 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]