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User Topic: Almost Three Years ...
mama2five
♀ Member
Member # 31347
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All ~

I rarely post on here, but I do read the posts especially when I am having a bad day.

My D-Day happened almost three years ago and I wish I could say that things are so much better. I can still remember the horrible, raw pain of finding out, and trying to piece his story together since he lied, covered up, and blame-shifted upon being caught. Here are just a few key things to think about for those that have been stuck on the fence wonder what the next step is.

1. Aside from the affair is your WS someone that is a good person? Are they a good mother/father, someone with a strong work ethic? Are they kind, charitable, a good friend, or do they have other qualities that you admire and value?

2. Have they made changes in their behavior? Do they call you? Do they make an effort to make you happy and are they committed to the marriage? Do they make an effort to spend time with you? Do they plan for the future?

I think the most important question you need to ask yourself if you are stuck in neutral is, if you could somehow magically erase the affair, would you still want to be with this person?



me : 40
him : 38
DDay ~ Aug. 23, 2010
Children~ 11,10,9,4, & 2
OW #1 - 24 PA (1 month affair)
OW#2- 43 PA/EA (3 1/2 month affair) Worthless Skank
He met them both on Ashley Madison while I was pregnant. Suspect there might have been others th

Posts: 214 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: North Carolina
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think those are very valid questions, especially to those that are hurt over and over again with multiple d-days.

My heart breaks for anyone that isn't living their life to its fullest potential with happiness and overall satisfaction.

I think we're all responsible for making our own lives better and finding inner peace and it seems to go in line with the questions you asked above.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196322 | Registered: May 2002
Neithan
♂ Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1). She is a good person

2) she frequently goes out of her way to do things to please and help me, and to show I am the most important person in her life.

Which is why we are together, over three years later.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 315 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, the answers to all those questions were a yes for me. That's what kept me in limbo.

Was he willing to face his issues?

Did he want the M enough to deal with the A my way? Or at least following the advice of an infidelity savvy MC?

Could he not only spend time with me, but make seeking out my heart a priority?


Those answers were NO until recently and why I have kept D on the table.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣


Posts: 10982 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
Topic Posts: 4

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