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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What would you call this?
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kids came home from visitation all upset tonight. Apparently, lots of fighting and tattling going on over there tonight between them and the slunt's kids.

My DS9 got upset and was acting angry, which he often does when he has a hard time expressing himself or feels frustrated. He has told exWH in the past that he's upset we got divorced but says he didn't mention it tonight during the course of the fighting.

In response to the angry behavior, exWH says to him something like "go ahead and be mad that I left the house and got divorced. Go ahead. I'm still your father and will be until the day you die."

What the fuck? The kid is adamant that he didn't mention the D tonight. And why say something like that to him even if he did mention it. The kid has a right to feel how he wants to feel so the fact that he didn't drink the "I will adjust" kool aid isn't his fault. He's had a hard time adjusting and is pissed off that his secure little world got pummeled.

Project much, ex?


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2495 | Registered: Jan 2011
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This pisses me off more now than it did last night. ExWH is a narcissistic, passive aggressive fucknut who can't take responsibility for anything and blew up at his little kid for not wanting to accept his fathers shitty selfish choices.

If I could do it without getting caught, I would rip his face off and slam his head into a brick wall.

Shit head.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2495 | Registered: Jan 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Divorce cures the shit husband problem but unfortunately not the shit father problem.

Damn. That is ice cold. Absolutely projection and you should tell your son as much. This about his dad and his feelings - nothing to do with your son.

I've had to use this line on my 5 year old. I too wanted to rip his face off (the fucker insisted on correcting her and saying we were still married.... whilst imposing OWUmpteen on them - I had to explain "technically" to a 5 year old. Idiot - why confuse her like that??).

Fuck.All.Of.These.Guys.

Lower muppets the lot of them.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4509 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the fuck? The kid is adamant that he didn't mention the D tonight. And why say something like that to him even if he did mention it. The kid has a right to feel how he wants to feel so the fact that he didn't drink the "I will adjust" kool aid isn't his fault. He's had a hard time adjusting and is pissed off that his secure little world got pummeled.

This is exactly the conversation you need to have with your son.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8737 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so upsetting. Poor kid.

"ExWH is a narcissistic, passive aggressive fucknut who can't take responsibility for anything" Sounds like my ex's twin.

What an overgrown baby. It's like he is a child playing house with no ability to handle conflict in a mature or reasonable way. I'm sure it won't be long before your son is the mature one in their relationship and learns how to handle his brat father.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know the ages of your kids but we had to take DSS to IC at about the age of 8-10. Mainly to know how to deal with and understand his mentally ill mother.
She was laying some huge mental burdens on him. The IC helped him get tools to understand and deal with her.
We did work closely with IC.It was never perfect but did get better.

It not fair to the kids and can become major FOO issues for them in the future.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your son may have said something like wishing he didn't have to be with those other kids all the time, or be bugged by them.

Your husband correctly inferred that, if he had not left his family for the OW, that your son wouldn't be stuck having to deal with these other kids and be bugged by them and put in this unwelcome situation. At least he acknowledged this out loud to your son - that his choices as a father had done this to him and put him in this situation with Other Family - because it is the truth.

The "I'm still your father no matter what" stuff can be said in military style as an order along the line of who cares what you think, you're my son and just have to take it. Or it's possible this can be said, meaning as comfort that his feelings for your son haven't changed even though he has a new family to raise and other kids in the house, that no matter what son does or how much son might dislike him or situation, 'I'll still be your father" and that he loves him and will be there for him no matter what, and the life with OW and her kids is what it is, because that decision's done.

Tone is everything.

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 5:11 PM, June 8th (Saturday)]


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 7

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