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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 32
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Finally had time to read some posts - WOW! So much going on here.

Regarding my own post about the anniversary...

h&c: We really are doing great and would like to be an inspiration to others. I don't suffer depression - quite the opposite.

DH: Love those crumbs - don't we all! However, I've developed fine tastes, so they are no longer satisfying! Yes, I think that he wants to celebrate is probably a good thing.

Nell: Great advice. I can let him get what he wants from it without feeling like I'm going against my principles. Yes - I can do that.

Honest: Renewing marriage vows is not an option...

tryn: I do not have "negative" feelings about an anniversary that does not exist. I have forgiven H completely, but forgiving does not "fix" the marriage. I believe that marriage vows cannot be repaired once broken. Marriage is a union of souls and if a parter in that union is unfaithful, the marriage no longer exists. Mr. Kalamity is my favorite person in the world! I enjoy his company more than anyone. So, I'm perfectly comfortable with having a great relationship. I simply refuse to consider it a marriage and have not wanted to celebrate the anniversary of such. But I can and I will.

Much of what you all are experiencing is so different from my own experience. In my case the LTA was with a person he had never "gotten over." Tryn said "obviously something was missing." In my case NOTHING I did could have satisfied that. H told me that he wanted to make her see that he would have been the better choice (she dumped him when they were young).

I did not make a bad choice. We are so good together! Since the beginning, people who just meet us mistake us for newlyweds (yes, during the LTA). He made a lousy choice in dealing with his own needs (because the best way to show an old flame what a good partner you would have been is to be a great partner to your current flame).

RP: You're right. The BS accepting any fault for the LTA gives the WS a crutch, and for successful R, they have to stand alone.

Jack: Not sure I can appreciate the doors unlocked and open garage door analagy. That implies that the actions (or inactions) of the BS specifically provide opportunity when, indeed, opportunity is inherent, no matter what measures we take to secure the M. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

atsenaotie: Everyone should always "rein in and set boundaries." I did that whenever I thought Mr. K was getting close to the line. And he always complied. He just didn't apply them to the one relationship he kept so completely separate from our life (He truly didn't see the LTA as having anything to do with us - astounding isn't it?!)

miracle: So good to see your posts. There is more peace in them - in you. Good for you!

cat lover: I loved your "ramble!" I too see the transformation in Mr. K. His entire countenance shows that he is OK with his world now. It is truly a blessing!

Walking: I, too, am sorry to see you here, but agree that this is a place of support and healing. Take advantage of it! Set your own timetable. Get some counseling and READ, READ, READ!

I'm off now to get on with living. Probably won't be back for awhile so wishing you all forward motion!

((tribe))

[This message edited by kalamity at 10:29 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all, I have to say it has been a very insightful last page or so as I catch up.

DH, just saw your question...thanks for asking...I am doing ok. I have scaled back my AD meds to half dose and have gotten on a very mild ADD dose of a new med. I have also started a political campaign as I am running for City Council. If you PM me i am happy to share my website info provide you send me a donation...(hah!)

My WW started treating her anxiety, which has been the main issue in our M on her side. The anxiety drives a perfectionism and constant expressions of disapproval. I dealt with it in the past in an unhealthy way by withdrawing and abusing food. I am concerned that my DD has internalized a message of 'not being good enough'...
I am really starting to put the A behind me.

All,

I have been thinking about a couple of things. First, some gender observations:

1. Generally speaking BWs have tended to maintain (for themselves and each other) that they were 'great' wives, etc. BMs tend to say that they were 'good enough'. IMO, even if you were crap as a spouse, you do not deserve the deception and betrayal.
2. BMs tend to be more 'ok' than BWs with the 'attractiveness' issue. I think for men, 'attractiveness' has more of a behavioral implication, and as such, is in the realm of what one can change. For women, no matter the provisos, 'attractiveness' connects on a subconscious level to youth and beauty, things which are ephemeral, and thus just part of life. Hence men are more willing to self-examine in the aftermath of an A.

But of the role of 'attractiveness', the 'brokenness' of the WS and the A? It is easier to talk in dichotomies, black and whites. I do believe that there is a spectrum between the horribly FUBAR WS who would cheat no matter what, and those who screw up in a perfect storm of circumstances, which include the OP, boredom, stress, loneliness, poor FOO health, and behavioral 'attractiveness'. Yes, people are drawn to people and sometimes it's an unfair competition between relative 'attractiveness-es' in an environment of poor boundaries and coping skills. But that is different than the serial FUBAR individual. So trynhard saying that if he had been more attractive then he might have prevented an affair, that is true, and no different than observing IMO that had the WS had better coping skills and boundaries or even a better concept of fidelity and what marriage is truly about then the A could have been prevented. I think SI is often too doctrinaire, but I understand it errors with caution to protect the BS from the blame game often provided by WSs.

Ok, enough gender stereotyping, kinda lame now that I read it, but yes M and W are different.

Now to ATS-

you are like the Yoda of the LTA forum.

or the most part, FWW's As were for her emotional. She was in them for the affirmation, the phone chatting to and from work, and for the attention... but I believe that FWW's A relationships had sex primarily as a way to [keep OM interested and to 'win' him] and to maintain the emotional aspect.

Yep. Sad really that for so many people, sex is about conquest or winning approval or getting someone to like you, etc. Meaning the chase, the game, and engaging in a truly non-intimate relationship. I think my WW struggles with the idea of sex not including an agenda, even one like stress-relief...

Tryn- I was surprised to see your post...what is going on in terms of actions that have you on guard and needing to add pressure?

Kalamity - per

not sure I can appreciate the ...analagy. ...when, indeed, opportunity is inherent, no matter what measures we take to secure the M.

Yes, opportunity is always present and inherent. The car can always be stolen...no matter what is done to it. If it is unlocked, however, it doesn't change the existence of the opportunity (nor did it create the opportunity) but it changes its nature.

gotta go for now, haven't read everything above yet, so sorry for the ready, fire, aim post.

just realized how incoherent I just was...

Jack

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 7:25 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC,

If we are going to talk gender differences, one that I have read about is that WH are more likely than WW to go astray outside of a happy marriage, whereas WW have tended to convince themselves that their needs are not being met when they stray. I have read fewer WW here claim that they were happily married and cheated anyway. So perhaps many of the BWs (myself included) really were being good wives at the time of the A. Not that the BHs weren't, but perhaps they had heard enough about their "flaws" from the WW already that it wasn't a complete shock to hear that the M was less than perfect.

It would actually be somewhat easier for me if there were major things that I could change. But my H has stated very convincingly that I was a wonderful wife and he was a shitty husband. In fact I was always a better wife than he was a husband, not just during the LTA. And I bet that is not uncommon.

I have looked deep, gone to IC. Sure, I can give even more, and am happy to do so now that I am being reciprocated and not being held at arm's length. But just because we say and think we were great wives does not mean that we are deluding ourselves, IMHO.

And I'm not offended, just clarifying!

ETA; good luck with your campaign; I truly admire your effort! I have done a lot of volunteer work on campaigns and it is a big deal. Good for you!

[This message edited by catlover50 at 7:41 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1653 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is really trying so much harder than I have ever seen him.

catlover50, no matter how hard you try, if your doing the wrong work you will not get the outcome desired. Cards and sweetness are nice, but will do nothing to address his fear of intimacy and lack of positive self-image. Giving you cards is another action, looking for value in what he does as opposed to who he is.

Is he in IC to work on his history?

MC_Jack,

Yoda hmmmm, ran off to spend to last part of his life alone in a swamp. Think that handle that could I.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats; yes he is in IC, but not doing the heavy work right now. He is overwhelmed with work (only surgeon, constantly on call etc) and he will need his full strength for that work. He says he is committed to getting back to the heavy work when his work calms down.

But yes, I agree. And have no control over it!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1653 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MCjack- Yes there are differences and of course many similarities.

Like Ats said in his post- many of the WW seem to get involved in the affairs in order to get attention etc. first and foremost and they agree to the sex in order to keep the OM interested.

While the WH often get involved with the OW first and foremost for the sex and then the attention etc. are secondary.

and...like catlover posted- many of the stories on SI have WW's justifying the affair because they were unhappy with some thing that their BH was doing or wasn't doing.

Many of the WH's say they were happily married but 'fell into' an affair due to the availability of the OW.

So...right or wrong- what you see happening is that the BHs tend to blame themselves and the BWs tend to blame the OW more.

As everyone points out ...the person that should get the brunt of the blame is the WS.

but, there is a pattern.

There are many similarities in our stories here on LTA but like Kalamity points out every situation is unique.

So, we should not get upset if the advice or opinion differs from our own but rather take what we need and what applies to our situation and leave the rest behind.

I have actually been hesitant to post on LTA at times because I get the feeling that my 'pollyanish' view of reconciliation after LTAs is not always well received since so many on the thread are struggling.



Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And have no control over it!

There you go catlover50, it is all on him.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
DecimatedHeart
♀ Member
Member # 37657
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NJGal - your 'polyanish' approach is one of the reasons I feel safe posting on LTA board, so please don't hesitate to post! I rarely post anywhere else, where I feel sometimes people are so bitter and pro-D as a result of their own experience that they are not as objective or supportive as they could be. It is understandable but not what I need. Here, I trust I will get support when I need it, and a smack upside the head when I need it, but ultimately know you guys are here for me no matter what I decide to do.

I am polyanish too. Jewel sings in one of her songs "I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way." I prefer to see the best in people. I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. I believe in the power of forgiveness. I don't want the A to change that about me. I will leave my car unlocked, even if it leaves me vulnerable to having it stolen and being called a fool.

ETA: I don't really buy into the gender differences. They very rarely apply to WH or me. If anything, we fall more under the opposite gender's stereotypes in the context of this discussion.

[This message edited by DecimatedHeart at 9:15 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


Me, BS 41
Him WH 42 - LTA, EA/PA
Together 24 years
DD13 - the love of my life
DDay#1 11/10/2012
DDay#4 4/5/2013 (NC broken AGAIN)
A supposedly over 6/14/2013

All my posts are edited - I hate typos. :)


Posts: 129 | Registered: Nov 2012
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gender Differences....let me counter the ones listed with my own experience.

As a BH I thought and still think I was a great husband. I wasn't just good enough, actually I was awesome.

My WW would actually describe our M as great as well even during the LTA.

What my WW got out the LTA was sex, she was a cake eater basically. Sure there was an emotional attachment as well, but it was an opportunity and she did it.

I don't blame myself for the LTA at all. Not my fault and nothing I could have done to prevent it. If I didn't give complete blind trust I likely would have noticied it sooner but no way could I have stopped it.

I have a great amount of anger for the OM1. I know, I know, focus on my own family and that is what I have been doing. I still wish many bad things to happen to OM1 though. I have never met him, I don't even know what he looks like. If I did ever met him I don't think it would be pretty - I am a very calm rational type person but I don't think I would be very calm ever around him.

OM1 was and still is a complete loser. I think my WW played the KISA role to some degree.

Got anymore gender observations when it comes to A's? I bet I can counter them.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 405 | Registered: Nov 2012
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have actually been hesitant to post on LTA at times because I get the feeling that my 'pollyanish' view of reconciliation after LTAs is not always well received since so many on the thread are struggling.

Don't be, every time I see you post I remember "Love Must be Tough"! A combination of advice from many on this board helped me get through but that particular poke helped me reach critical mass and start moving forward. I ended up in the D column but the advice and viewpoint was still valid and correct for me and I am happy with the decision I made.

As for the gender thing, the generalities aren't as important as how each individual is making it in their own unique situation. There is wisdom and guidance that can be learned from the collective knowledge on this site. I for one should have listened when I got here 2 years ago to taht collective guidance but that's another story. While many situations are extremely similar, each situation is also unique. So take what applies and leave the rest does work.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:14 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1570 | Registered: May 2011
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Much of what you all are experiencing is so different from my own experience. In my case the LTA was with a person he had never "gotten over." Tryn said "obviously something was missing." In my case NOTHING I did could have satisfied that. H told me that he wanted to make her see that he would have been the better choice (she dumped him when they were young).

kalamity - I can actually 100% relate to what you said above. My WW's OM1 was a previous boyfriend she dated before me. I was intially told their relationship lacked "closure".


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 405 | Registered: Nov 2012
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have actually been hesitant to post on LTA at times because I get the feeling that my 'pollyanish' view of reconciliation after LTAs is not always well received since so many on the thread are struggling
.
I have to laugh because I sometimes hesitate to post because my situation ended in a divorce!

(I am in one of those rare down-times at work... lots of time to post. Lucky ya'll.)


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell-
I guess that means that we should both keep posting!
The LTA forum needs all different perspectives.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NJGal,

polyanna? What are you talking about? You are my female Yoda !!!

Jack

eta - hot female Yoda, didn't mean to imply you are green short and shriveled

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 1:09 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7years.. personally, I benefit from the posts here in the LTA from those Reconciled, those trying to Reconcile, those Not Divorcing, those Divorcing and those that are Divorced. All share in the having the issues of an LTA thrust upon them and the many ways to dela with the challenges.

So, please keep posting here!

Be safe! Be happy! Be healthy! Live with ease!

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Folks.. lately, I have been dwelling on all that I have lost and am losing.

My marriage and my identity as a husband. I threw myself into my M from day 1 fully committed signing over assets into joint tenancy, paying off aquired debts. I made my W and later our growing family my focus. It was my source of life and enjoyment.

My best friend. My W and I became friends before dating and became best friends before M.

My comanion. My W and I share our issues, our family issues, important community issues and not so important issues every day, moring and night.

My past. The time during her LTA is tainted. Both the rough times and not so rough times as I now see these times as fraudualent.

My future and expectations for our continued shared life together. Sharing in our children's lives, embarking on new adventures.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi H&C,

Rightfully you should be dwelling. Totally understandable. You have A LOT to grieve and you are a good man. You have kept your vows and dignity to the end. You have shown yourself to be a good husband. At some point in the future you will find yourself having moved on. Your STBXWW just does not want to be a wife. She probably still has no idea and may not ever really know what she does want. It is a tragedy. Not just for the pain caused to everyone else, including pain from the selfish act of keeping you in limbo for so long, but the self-inflicted damage she will carry forward. You will be healed and healthy way before her.

Again, it is so tragic and sad. You have lost a lot....but nothing that you can not build again...we are all pulling for you...

Take care,

Jack

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 5:32 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC Jack- Female Yoda, huh?
LOL..........

h&c-
My heart goes out to you.
You are absolutely right! It is a huge loss.
The betrayal of a LTA is a huge loss and trauma that we all have to deal with whether we reconcile or divorce.

And then for those that do divorce like you, especially when it is the WS driving the decision...it is a huge sense of loss.

Grieving what might have been is perfectly understandable.

Living Through Personal Crisis by Anne Kaiser Stearns is a good book.
She talks about triumphant survivors- those that do not let the loss define them or define the rest of their lives.
There's a youtube video of her speaking and giving an overview of her theories.
Don't know if you can get the link but you can google it as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qq-Ao9_nV5Y


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HandC, I get it and MCJack and NJgal are right. This is unfortunately normal. I went through the same thing. For me it was like there are multiple "reality finally hit me" moments that I went through. For me each was like a mini-jolt or shock. I would heal a bit or feel better then BAM another one. The first was Dday, then when I actually processed what happened on Dday, broken NC, false R, realizing I needed to file, actually filing, in-house S, in-house S being over, processing that IN-house S was really over, realizing that my life wasn't going to turn out how I expected, at some point accepting that my life wasn't going to turn out as expected, first week without the kids, first week without the kids that I actually go out and do some fun things, dating again, enjoying time with the kids and by myself when it's not my week, etc.

For me each successive jolt was harder and more painful but didn't last anywhere as long as they did in the beginning. If you notice eventually they aren't even negative anymore. For me it literally was like waking up again from a 10 year bad dream and discovering myself again. I see lots of post of people in R talking about how their new M is different but better. I am heading towards D but my new life is different but better as well.

These days I wake up full of optimism and most days I wake up smiling looking forward to my future now because it is completely up to me on the direction it takes. I am embracing that part completely.

So mourn what was as it's normal and take the time you need to do it. For me I realized that the real things from my M and life weren't really going anywhere. I still had my kids, my ability to choose my own destiny in life, my career, my family, my friends, etc. The important things weren't going anywhere. Yep life would be different but those things that I cherished and felt proud about weren't going anywhere. What was leaving were the things I never really had or was never going to get anyway. I didn't realize it back then but I never had a true M of equals. I was never going to get the 30 or 40 or 50 year anniversary. That was future that wasn't even here yet and I was living my life based on a future that was based on a fairy tale in my head. I had missed out on the present and decided to focus on the present from now on. The things I do today determine my future not the other way around if that makes sense. I had been building for this future with no idea that my STBX was pulling in a different direction so I switched my logic around. I make decisions in the present that actively lead to the future I want.

All of that started with the decision to D. After that started I began to see the different direction my STBX was going in and had been going for a long time. I expect that you will begin to see this as well. My STBX still believed that we could go in those different directions and she could still drag me or parts of me with her. This manifested in the form of we can still be friends, we can still do stuff together with the kids, etc. It was like she wanted to be out but didn't want to let go. It was still a form of cake eating. She wanted parts of me around and available to her while she moved on with her life. It doesn't work that way or at least ofr me it wouldn't. So I started doing me.

Don't be surpised if you start to get more and more frustrated with your STBXW in the near future. She seems to be headed down the same road my STBXW travelled. As you continue to accept reality and move forward with your life she will likely do the same for herself. The kicker is will she want you around to pick up the slack on the things she can't handle or doesn't want to deal with.

It't always your decision on what you do and how you interact with your X but for me when my STBX wanted out that meant I had to get myself out completely as well. I don't regret it one bit.

As always this is just my perspective on things and I wish you the best. What you are feeling now will pass as well and as Tryn and others have stated, "Your Good is coming".

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 12:23 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1570 | Registered: May 2011
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nj.. thanks for the video link.
Jack.. for the support and kind words.
7years.. your posts her and in the other forums (recently read your comments on being a man on D/S) and...

The frustration factor seems to be more with my WW than I these days. I notice the irritability Maybe it is just mutual. Who knows.

I know that my situation could be much worse. But as you said, it is not what I had expected and emotionally and financially everything has and will change dramatically for the worse from where it was before and now. Getting back to even and beyond will take time.

Be safe! Be happy! Be healthy! Live with ease!

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
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