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User Topic: Today momma's got her boots on
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I need to be strong.

We had a break in the nc. She texted him about coming to see a movie and he texted back ok then deleted it. He didn't tell me. Then he went back on the FB.

I told him I know he's interested in working on us when he deletes her skank ass from his friends.
Until he does I'm all in for me.
Thanks guys for providing the strength and knowledge I needed to hear and learn.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 360 | Registered: May 2013
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did he just agree to go to a movie with her, or did I read that wrong?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7944 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cup - Honey you need to strap those suckers on throw on the matching skirt, and jacket.

He AGREED to go to a movie with OW?!?!

You need to send him out the door. Be tough, and stick to demands of NC, if that cannot be done, no real R is occuring.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8229 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let him go to the movie. Let him come home afterward to find his crap Hefty-bagged and awaiting him on the lawn.

Those boots look fantastic on you. Now work 'em.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Put on them bitch boots honey! It's ON!

Posts: 2483 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep agree time to lace them damn boots up tighter and make sure they're the boots with the spikes

and then...

do this...

Let him go to the movie. Let him come home afterward to find his crap Hefty-bagged and awaiting him on the lawn.

Good luck sweetie! We've got your back!

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 12:37 PM, June 7th (Friday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let him go to the movie. Let him come home afterward to find his crap Hefty-bagged and awaiting him on the lawn.

Agreed. And trust me on this, it feels good to Hefty bag their shit & toss it out the door.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9536 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any chance you can get the locks changed while he's at that movie? After his crap is hefty bagged outside of course.....

This is so hard. In a sense you are 'lucky' that he is telling you loud and clear that he's not all in. He's showing you who he is. BELIEVE HIM.

((((cuppacoffee))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2548 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I"m sorry I was away with the kids. I wasn't clear about the movie.

They used to work together at a movie theater. She transfered to a new theater after they slept together. That part ended in December. (It happened late November and they did it twice then decided it was not a good idea).
He works at a theater that is closer to where she now lives. She texted him to see if she could come up there with her boyfriend and her sister and the sister's boyfriend to see a movie.

She could have gone to another theater. She could have called someone else. But she called him.

Does that clear it up?

He did delete her from fb this morning.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 360 | Registered: May 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to tell you about the broken NC.

I would let him know your consequences for that. Have you made it clear what consequence would happen if there was broken NC and he didn't tell you?


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He told me about her coming right away. The text I found out about yesterday and we fought all day. He thought it was no big deal. I told him it wa a very big deal. He said he didn't want to start a fight about one text from her and a reply from him.
I think he learned that is a big deal.
I am just so pissed.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 360 | Registered: May 2013
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cuppa,

Do not stop the 180. He lied and hid the deleted text from you. He has not stopped his wayward behaviors yet. He needs to show you with strong actions what he is going to do to change.

You need to start working on you and your healing. Get together a list of what you require from him in order for you to stay in the M at this point.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4760 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks tg! I am having a hard time accepting that. I want to move us forward but it's not happening. It's just crushing me.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 360 | Registered: May 2013
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks tg! I am having a hard time accepting that. I want to move us forward but it's not happening. It's just crushing me.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 360 | Registered: May 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he learned that is a big deal.
I am just so pissed.

Yes it is a big deal and you should be pissed. My WH tried to stick his hand in the oven many times before he got his 3rd degree burn

I agree with TG, 180. The 180 was the best thing I ever did for myself.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for clearing that up cuppa, but.....

The text I found out about yesterday and we fought all day. He thought it was no big deal. I told him it wa a very big deal.

HE doesn't get to decide what's a big deal and what's not.

Keep those boots handy, I have a feeling you're gonna need them.

((((cuppa))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2548 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea, cuppa...thx for clearing up the context. Man, context is so important!

Anyway. So he thinks that responding to her text....and then DELETING it is NOT a big deal???

I second (or third or whatever) TG's list. Make it VERY detailed.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7944 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can he block her phone number? Can he get a new phone number?

Have you discussed what to do when ow texts? Something like 1) let cuppa know immediately; 2) ignore, but don't delete, the text.

If ow continues to text, I would be OK with him texting back one time; 'Please do not text me again. If you do, I will not respond.'

Note, though, that I haven't had to deal with this, and maybe just crickets is the best response. Still, blocking her or changing his number to one that she can't discover would be better.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9991 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 18

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