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Newest Member: madattheworld (45057)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Yesterday was 3 years since dday
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, it has been a long journey, but yesterday was basically just a day


Things with my husband and I are overall good. We have had to deal with no infidelity related stress in well over 6 months. By that I mean no triggers, no feelings of inadequacy, no depression from the A.. None of it. Healing has got to be at 98% most days.


Yesterday, I did a ton of reflection about OW/xBFF. For the first few years, hatred consumed me. Today, it is almost complete indifference. I do not get bursts of rage or even focus on her. If she does cross my mind, I am able to easily dismiss her.

One major help in this was that I realized harboring hatred in my heart for her does nothing to her, it only hurts me. I don't know if I am at forgiveness or not, but I realize I am the only one who loses by holding onto the anger, hatred, disdain for her, so I don't do it. She is whoever she is now and it doesn't really matter to me. My husband completely let her go on dday 3 years ago, so she is a non issue in my life today.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2011 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
Beemer
♀ Member
Member # 38499
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you :)

We have had to deal with no infidelity related stress in well over 6 months. By that I mean no triggers, no feelings of inadequacy, no depression from the A.. None of it. Healing has got to be at 98% most days.

I really hope to be there someday...


BW - Me (33)
FWH - Him (34)
Married - 8years
D-Day - 06/06/12
Status - Trying...things are good :)

Posts: 77 | Registered: Feb 2013
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Beemer, I see that today is yr 1 antiversary.. I know how hard this day is at 1 year. The hopeful news is that it truly gets better.

Choosing not to stay stuck in those awful feelings and emotions was hard work and took slightly over two years. So be good to yourself.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2011 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not easy and it's all on a case by case basis, but I'm hoping by the 3yr mark to not even come to this site?


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1347 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your inspiration. I needed to hear this. I truly did.

You are so right. My hatred for the OW only prolonged my healing. No amount of anger or directed anger was ever going to undo what was done.

I can't control who she is, what she does or why she chose to be the OW.

I can focus on the here and now and say...I am moving forward for ME !!! For ME !!!

Thanks again. Words I needed to hear.

Keep moving. Sounds as if you are doing great.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1163 | Registered: Apr 2013
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not easy and it's all on a case by case basis, but I'm hoping by the 3yr mark to not even come to this site?

This site does not cross my mind many days, others it does. I guess when you spend a lot of time for any period of time, it sort of becomes a habit. Plus, I made a friend that has helped restore my idea of friendship (since OW/xBFF took part of that from me). So, had I not come to SI at all, I wouldn't have that.

And I guess if no one ever came after a certain point, then there would be no stories of real hope. So I have been very appreciative in my time here that people stuck around. I may not be nearly as active as I once was, but I am glad to offer the hope I have when I can.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2011 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
Buckeye Wife
♀ Member
Member # 28702
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I let go of negativity toward OW long ago because I never knew her. My H....not so much...
Three years out and I still think of it most days. Lots of resentment still even though he's done everything right.
How did you let go of that anger toward him?


BS (Me): Forties
FWS(Him): Forties
Married over twenty years
DDay: 1/20/10
R'ing

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Jun 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


So nice to see your at peace with things.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 8

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