Well, I received a bonus in the form of company stock several years ago. It is worth about $12,000. I have not included it in any discussion about separation of assets. I know I shared this with her about 10 years ago when I got it, but I doubt she even remembers.
So, we are about a month from the earliest the divorce can be final, and my attorney has asked me to begin wrapping up the division of assets stuff. I have a bit of a dilemma:
Do I share the information about the stock with her?
It sort of makes me feel dishonest or guilty by not divulging this. I haven’t discussed with my attorney, because I think if I do, he will have no choice but to include it in the settlement.
OTHO, it would go a long ways to help pay for My oldests' first year of college this fall. I can justify it (hiding the marital asset) in my mind because college was supposed to be a joint/marital expense anyway. I know I will pay for pretty much all of my kids secondary educations based on our salary disparity, and her spending habits.
I seriously doubt she would ever know. The consequences of ‘getting caught’ would be what? That she no longer trusts me? She doesn’t anyway. Each turn she accuses me of something ridiculous. She projects her character onto me.
If I ‘got caught’ does it open a can of worms that will drag this out? There is nothing else I have hidden.
Also, I found her engagement ring stuffed in a drawer of the vanity I built for her soon after we got married. I think I paid $2500 for the ring in 1992. I’m not sure if she left it on purpose, or if she thinks she lost it. I haven’t said anything about it, and she hasn’t asked. I’m convinced if she does bring it up, I will tell her I found it. I’m sure she would sell it/hock it without thinking twice. I’m not sure I could sell it at this point, and I definitely wouldn’t give it to the next Mrs. KOM or any of my kids. WWYD?
ETA: for clarity grammar and spelling
[This message edited by KeepOnMovin at 2:25 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]
From a personal standpoint, what's your integrity worth? You know it's a marital asset. Deliberately hiding it, no matter what your "good intentions" might be, speaks to your character. Is this congruent with your character? Only you can decide.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
My integrity IS worth more than half of $12,000.
Disclosing it was my plan anyway, but I had received some well intentioned, albiet probably bad advice from an IRL friend to put in a 529 plan for college.
I knew the 'right' answer before i submitted the post.
Oh, and I would disclose that you have the ring, but I wouldn't just give it to her.. It's another asset that should be included in negotiations for who gets what..
BG, I don't know about the penalties 'cuz my Teflon STBX has managed to escape all trouble & penalties for the extreme evasion & refusal to cooperate he's demonstrated during this divorce. We are at the final phase in which we are dividing up our assets to prepare for the QDRO and he STILL has not fully disclosed all his assets. In fact, during our trial I sat there on the witness stand and had a few remarks to make to his atty wondering why I knew about his assets but STBX had not told his atty about his assets.
Sorry to t/j here, but I called STBX's work and found out he does have a pension plan, so we requested it, and we got back a note from his lawyer saying that "Mr. FuckTard states no such plan exists." I email him that I talked to his work and he DOES have one, and he emails me back, "You hack into all my stuff and steal things so you can find out about that." Well thanks for the admission you were trying to hide it and that it does exist dumbass. But, drumroll please, he is STILL denying that he has it
You could certainly propose depositing the entire amount into a 529. Had you discussed that during your M?
And, i'm not playing games with the ring. I just asked for WWYD advice/opinions. If her motive was to leave it as a statement she's done with the marriage, then what do i do with it? It would be emotionally difficult for me to sell. i agree it's hers to do with as she pleases, even though i wouldn't want to hear she traded it in (along with me and the boys) for a new wedding set for herself and OM.
hell, I'm only human, like everyone else here. But, I'm not out to screw anybody, and in some aspects i feel like i've been more than fair with STBX, and i need to look out for myself. Things are going to be very tight in the forseeable future. I hate for my kids to head into the job world in debt up to their eyeballs because their mom walked out and completely fouled up our financial future.
Talk to both your lawyer and a financial planner before you tell your wife.
I hear you about fears for your children's future.
As for the ring, I am just going to ask her straight up whether she wants it back. Then there will never be a doubt in my mind. An IRL friend gave his wedding bands back to his wife after she cheated and left. Said he was trying to make a statement or something. He regrets it, as the statement fell on deaf ears (cause she was in luuuuurrrve). The rings were worth about $4000, and would have made a nice start on a 529 for his grandson. .
The high road is always a better journey! Fewer bumps.
I have taken the high road so far. Got to say it still has plenty of bumps and it is really lonely. Lots if good people with good intentions trying to pull me off. Afraid I will be taken advantage of. But hopefully at the end, i will be less muddy.