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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why does it still hurt?
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been doing so well.
He has a new family that he is replacing the old one with.
MOW has filed for divorce and her BH has moved out.
She still lives in Switzerland and has no contact with my kids.

I found out from Ex's ex wife that he will be gone this weekend somewhere in the States with the skank. She is coming here but they are not staying and that's a relief that he won't try to intoduce her to the kids.

Today I get an email from him. It's his gmail account that he created about the time the affair started.
Let's just say that he has never sent me an email from that account to me that I can recall.

It was the name of the hotel in NJ that they are going to and a short sentence (in their language) that I can recognize as endearments.

He made the mistake because her first name is the same as mine (not Lola).

It threw me.
I am triggering I guess.
I hit reply and sent back to just her. "Is this for me or for you?"

It is the second time I have sent her an email. The first I sent from his email address just 3 days after Dday. All it said was WHORE in the subject line.

I know they will be together. I hope he will move to be with her and that she does not come here.
I don't care that he has moved on except that she may be exposed to my kids.

Why does it still hurt?

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 1:50 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1422 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lola, it hurts because you are a good person who had nothing but good intentions for your marriage. He had time to get over you while he was cheating, but it's much newer and fresher for you.

I'm sorry you're going through this.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2110 | Registered: Jan 2013
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, pass.

I guess I feel like I should handle this better considering DDay was 2 years ago and he moved out over 18 months ago.

It's just another careless dumb ass move from the king of all dumb asses.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1422 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's just another careless dumb ass move from the king of all dumb asses.

Right! That sums up all problems that he has inflicted on you over the years. He has chosen to make dumbass moves.

However, this is a hard thing to remember. I believe I was asking on here just yesterday why my STBXW would want to do such horrible things to me. We all need reminders.

And no, you should not be handling this better. You still have strong emotions, and they will still betray you once in a while. If you didn't get hurt, you wouldn't be the fabulous you. All we can do is try to bounce back quickly from each hurt, and hope it doesn't hurt as much next time.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2110 | Registered: Jan 2013
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My spidey senses tell me this was no mistake.

I got a "Soooo, what are you wearing" SMS a few weeks after DD. In the same bubble as an sms intended for me.

Accident my arse. Did it hurt? It did. It all helped me gather the will and strength to detach.

Fuck.That.Guy.

((Lola2kids)) Last week out of the blue my 5 year old announces Daddy calls OWUmpteen Babe "but Babe is what he calls you" said like a question.

It took me right back to a very cute moment when she was very little and he called me honey - she corrected him "No - you honey, she babe".

I smiled all over.

And then I was sad.

I had to pretend I needed an urgent shower to hide my tears and grief. I was shocked that it impacted me so hard and so fast.

I'm not sad that he calls her babe. I'm sad for the memories I once shared with my (in my mind) dead husband. It just hurts.

The thing is - it should hurt. Its a very painful thing we're going through and of course we're going to be triggered from time to time.

Grieving and healing aren't straight lines. They are full of twists and turns but all generally in the same direction - towards healing.

((Lola2kids)) Sending you healing friend.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Strong, that was just beautifully said.
It hurts because we cared a lot more that they did.
I have gotten to the point where I know it was going to happen sometime. He was going to cheat. I just hope he reverts to his old ways and treats her like shit too.
I am well rid of this particular lower muppet.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1422 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Strongmama
♀ Member
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking that was not a "mistake".
It was his selfish; immature, and pathetic way to get to you, and see what kind of response he'd get.
You're doing good. Don't be hard on yourself. Our timelines are about the same. Most of the time I'm fine. He's a ftard all the time so I trump! So do you!
Sorry he sent that:(

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
Loyalty2Liberty
♀ Member
Member # 36714
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*sniff sniff* do I detect the aroma of deluded booty call?

Looking for someone to cheat on wifestress with and remembering you will be conveniently nearby perhaps?

Yeah, it hurts because it's painful. That's why NC and detaching exist, because the painfulness knows no expiration date and, like most other toxins, lack of exposure is the best medicine.

[This message edited by Loyalty2Liberty at 9:39 PM, June 7th (Friday)]


me:BW
him:stbxWh


Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 8

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