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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just found out H is cheating for 3 months.
ConfusedAbudhabi
♀ New Member
Member # 29763
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS. There is NO DIVORCE in the PHILIPPINES.. If she is married, no way your husband can marry her and bring her to CANADA.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Oct 2010
2yrs+recovering
♀ Member
Member # 31582
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One more question, should I take out all the money in our shared accounts?

YES!!!!!

and have you seen a lawyer yet?????

No time to mess around here and get to the Dr. check for stds....

There is no reason to wait for him to give you permission.

He is an idiot!

[This message edited by 2yrs+recovering at 10:40 AM, June 21st (Friday)]


BS (me)59 FWH 71
Married 35 years
4 children and 3 grandchildren
5 yrs into R.
Now that he has changed and become the man he should have been all along, why should I start over?

Posts: 560 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: New Jersey
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW. Empty your bank account NOW. File for divorce and put his stuff in hefty bags on the curb!

You can do this!


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 261 | Registered: Mar 2013
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did talked to the lawyer, knowing what I should do next. An awesome lawyer worked for 40 years he stronly suggested us to settle in civil instead of paying $$$$.

I am really not the type of person to fight nasty in the court, anyways I had a good talk with H, he is determined to marry that Philipine girl, so we are ready to settle everything, H agreed and shows some care at this point, D is our decision unfortunately. I will keep u all posted. Thanks for reading.

[This message edited by Blackhair at 1:21 AM, June 24th (Monday)]


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good riddance Blackhair. I'm so sorry for your pain but, anyone who is so selfish as to put their own stupid desires above that of the precious , innocent family they created doesn't deserve to be treated as anything but the huge, steamy, rotten pile of shit that they are! What is there about this man that you can love?

I hate it mostly for your kids because you can move on & hopefully find a man who will appreciate what you have to offer in a genuine relationship. I truly believe that what goes around comes around. He will wake up one day all alone & financially ruined & maybe then will realize how incredibly stupid he was.


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 629 | Registered: Apr 2013
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever you settle on... YOU MAKE SURE an atty looks it over before you sign or submit it to the courts.

Lots of stuff can slip by: Health insurance for you and the kids? A portion of his retirement for the length of the M, CS, college in the future? Visitation issues, custody? What happens if one of you dies? And with properties - loads of complications as your names are co-mingled and so is your credit! If he is in a rush - take advantage of that!! Get yourself untangled from him financially! But make sure to cross those T's and dot your I's.

Most atty's say you can take 1/2 of what is in the bank. And that is typcial. I was a SAHM, I took it all. When he left he took over a month worth of paychecks with him... and there wasn't going to anywhere enough income to pay our mutual bills for a while if I didn't.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Started D procedure today, felt sad but relived as no chance for us to R or dragging. Amazed to realize how strong I can be, or when you realize he is an AxxHxx, it is a lot easier to move on, as i deserve way better, thanks again for everyone's support.


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amazed to realize how strong I can be, or when you realize he is an AxxHxx,

You are such a nice person you didn't even write out that he was an asshole. So I will say it for you.

He is an asshole. Even bolded it for you

Hugs to you and your babies. Take care of yourself. You have been given some solid advice.

PS: Your H would need to win YOU back. Not the other way around.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2107 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
ConfusedAbudhabi
♀ New Member
Member # 29763
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((BH))
So sorry that your marriage has to end this way..
Like Take2 said, take care of your finances and make sure your kids future is well taken cared off during the settlement proceedings..

Your husband doesn't know what he is getting himself into. He'll end up poor, or worse jailed, if the husband of his paramour is still alive. If he pursue marrying her, he is a partner to a bigamous marriage, punishable by law; if he will live with her, it's going to be an adulterous relationship, also punishable under Philippine law..

So... Any Avenue he pursue is going to be very very expensive for him... So... Protect what is due you and your children..

God bless you, Blackhair

[This message edited by ConfusedAbudhabi at 1:02 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 44 | Registered: Oct 2010
ConfusedAbudhabi
♀ New Member
Member # 29763
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry double post..

[This message edited by ConfusedAbudhabi at 1:03 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 44 | Registered: Oct 2010
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He wants to give me a bit more assets and share custody no CS to pay, he even suggested we call still live on the upper level while he and that girl lives in lower level, I said no way.

How totally delusional, FTG, go after everything you can get. You can be sure Ms. Phillipine will for her and her son.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 573 | Registered: Mar 2003
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is never easy to live under the same roof while D, seeing H texting her constantly. H was texting using his lo top in bed while putting my daughter to sleep. I told him to get himself an apartment or I will call the cop if he continuing dong this, as it is mental abuse.

I can not wait to get over with it, but it takes time to get our finance number calculated out, custody, etc.

He is so dump not realizing what a mess he is going getting himself into. So he is super nice lately, but who cares, D is my decision regardless.


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why isn't he moving out? Why should you have to see him communicating with OW in your own home? He really is very callous. He wants out, let him GET OUT.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2899 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Sad  Posted: 6:59 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some updates!

After few months in hell, even a false R, I did tried so hard to give WS a chance to R, but WS never truly be remorseful, finally I had enough. So I filed. He was so scared and did I not fight back. Today we finally signed the separation agreement. Overall it is still kind of " civil"! I am proud of myself, kept my dignity.

I was so relieved but Extremely SAD, the 10 years marriage is officially over that quick!

Also my twin boys, the older one started to walk the first time today, it is saddest thing to think their life is going to change a bit time because of this.

I felt SAD, will never understand why someone can be capable hurt another person he has loved! I do not know how I am going to trust anyone again.

I know it will get better, but right now I am at the rock bottom, it is HARD/SAD!


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
TrulySad
♀ Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Blackhair, you are so strong!!! What an amazing woman you are, and your children are so fortunate to have you as their mom. I know this is beyond painful, but things will get better.

I read your story months ago, and am so glad you gave us an update. Have you been doing the 180? I think some people believe it's done to scare the WH into seeing what they are losing. The reality is it's for the BS. You start to see what an incredible woman you really are, and begin to understand how you deserve to be happy... alone, or with a man worthy of your attention and love.

Please continue to let us know how you are doing. Stay strong, and know you aren't alone in all of this.


Me: Done with his bullshit and getting stronger day by day

Posts: 423 | Registered: Jun 2013
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read your story now and I am so, so sorry. You have been so strong and I'm sorry your husband has been taken by this woman. He is/was incredibly cruel to conduct his affair so openly while you were going through this process.

Please accept the biggest cyber ((hugs)) I can offer


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Losttransport
♀ Member
Member # 39409
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck to you and your children. While I know you said your sad their lives are changing, the one thing that will remain constant is their mom!


Me: BS-42
Hubby: FWS-42
OW: former friend of mine
EA from ? to 3-15-12
3 DD, 1 DS
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.

Posts: 91 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Sad  Posted: 8:32 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We just signed SA yesterday, today he told me he is going to Philippine to see OW again for Christmas, he asked me if he can bring our daughter with her.

My day was ok this morning till I heard this I felt apart again, the shit is hard, when I am going to be strong enough not let him "torture" me any more.

I don't know how I am going to have my first Christmas by myself with the kids.....

Oh Gosh.... The pain never ends.....


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In your shoes, I would NEVER let him leave the country with my children. It's incredibly risky.

If your daughter has a passport, I would get a safe deposit box and lock it away from him. If she does NOT have a passport, I would get one--then lock it up.

It may seem counter-intuitive to get a passport if you don't condone the travel. But if YOU get the passport, then HE won't be able to get one and take her out of the country against your wishes.

Either way, the passport needs to be locked up somewhere he cannot access it.

The man has lost his mind. He's fallen for a scam---I mean, this one is as obvious as the emails from Nigerian princes (and as dangerous; men have gone to the Philippines for "true love," only to be murdered)---and really, if he now spends Christmas without his children, then that's what we call natural consequences.

If he wants to be an idiot, fine. Don't let him involve your children in any way.

You might never see them again.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8315 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto solus - he is enmeshed in a scam. As soon as this woman has any financial control over his bank accounts he is likely to get robbed, assaulted, or murdered. DO NOT let your children be involved.
DO NOT let him take them to any foreign country.
Any chance you can get full custody based on this biazarre relationship?

[This message edited by PhoenixRisen at 9:22 PM, October 18th (Friday)]


Posts: 472 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 46
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