He told me he loves her, she is so poor and sick in hospital all the time, H need to comfort her, I asked to go with him, he refused.
I lives in Canada, not sure what to do next, divorce right away? Or Drag as long as I can, as he wants to marry her and brings her here.
What is the right I have, how about asset we have, house, car, biz?
I am lost and sick in stomach, hurt badly.
[This message edited by Blackhair at 11:53 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]
He is putting the ass on burning marital assets.
If he gets
in that time you'll have time to decide.
but for now?
He isn't thinking clearly, giving him time will only prolong his cloudy thinking. Do not let him decide your future, he has already made a decision for himself, and he didn't concern himself about you. You can't nice him back. Show him how strong you can be, and that you don't need him. It will shock him.
Consult a lawyer ASAP and find out how much of the joint assets you can move to a separate account in your name or freeze.
Where is his compassion and care for his own young children and their well-being? Asshat! So worried about someone that he doesn't know at all, while he's using his family's resources to make an idiot of himself and robbing his children of a father and a two-parent family.
While he is in this state, you have to protect yourself and your children from him. It's hard to think of your H as your enemy suddenly, but that's what he is right now, an enemy capable of doing great harm to you, your children, your family.
Cut him off, especially financially. See how much in luvvvvv she is when he can't spend any money.
Not to alarm you, but I know a woman personally whose father moved to the Phillipines and married his OW only to be murdered by her and her adult son within a year for his money. My friend was in and out of the Phillipines for two years going to court to get them locked up and protect her dad's estate.
Please see an attorney and start protecting your assets for your children's sake and for your own.
Contact an attorney immediately: You must protect your marriage assets, home and money for your benefit and the benefit of your children.
Your husband is in "the affair fantasy" and is not thinking straight.
He's probably being conned by this OW - and there's no way this is "love."
LOVE is not based on internet chat...lies...deceit..and a one-time-meeting for adulterous sex.
You can decide on divorce later; but you need legal help now; and protection of all your legal, marriage assets: Perhaps an attorney can freeze bank and credit card assets.
I'm sorry for the pain you're going through.
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
Your H has abandonded you, and is trying to have the best of both worlds, making you the caregiver for your kids, and his maid and cook for home. This is not OK. You can NEVER love or nice someone back. He needs to be knocked out of his affair fog immediately.
See a lawyer as soon as possible. I don't know what is legal, and not legal in Canada, maybe you can google it, but in the US as a married couple your have right to 50% of money and assests in most situations. So I would say take at least 25% of the money to do the things you need to to get good answers.
I would tell him too that if he chooses to go to her again, do not plan on coming back to your home. He is no longer welcome there while he treats you like a doormat, and "loves" another woman.
This doesn't mean you're giving up on hopes that he'll emerge on the other side of this serious fantasy insanity. It means that you are showing him he isn't the man you married or is the father to your children. You need to protect your children WAY more than be nice to a man who is blatantly choosing something/one other than you guys.
Kick him out. Don't let him back in the house after this trip. Secure the finances. Make him have to face the reality of what he's choosing.
I'm so sorry, Blackhair. We all know how painful this is. Everyone WANTS marriages to be saved here, if at all possible. But you won't help him by facilitating what he's doing by being nice.
I would say move money if you can. He is spending your money to fly to the Philippines! This can't be cheap!
Does this Philippine girl know he is married with kids? Can you get into his Skype account and contact her?
This sounds like a crazy scam. She wants to get to Canada and is using your husband as a sugar daddy. Is he not concerned about the children at all?
180 his ass now. I know it is hard but you can't fix him. You can't make this okay. He has to wake up and get some help.
Protect you and your family. Look out for you because he certainly isn't.
I am so sorry. Hug your babies and move forward.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 4:18 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]
It is just not easy to take the step. As it means my kids won't have a "daddy". I guess they already lost their daddy now.
[This message edited by Blackhair at 7:59 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]
You can't nice him back, it will only drive him further away because the guilt forces him to be stone cold to you so he can continue to do what he is doing.
You need to 180 him, don't do his laundry, make his meals, pick up after him or cater to his wants and needs. Ignore him, don't initiate conversation, answer any question from him. Don't engage. He is firing you from that job, show him what that feels like.
Until HE begs you to let him come home, shut him out. If he changes his mind about her, he is the one who needs to do the work to repair your M. Don't make it a soft landing for him, don't let him rug-sweep this mess away. If you do you will suffer the rest of your life, while he merrily goes on his way happy as a lark.
Be strong. Offer to pack his bags for him, while asking where he will be staying. Also you will be finding out how much CS and possible alimony he will be paying you. (He needs to realize all his income isn't going to be available to provide for his new sweetie and her family), he has responsibilities that come first, namely you and your children.
[This message edited by momentintime at 2:07 AM, June 21st (Friday)]
He wants to give me a bit more assets and share custody no CS to pay, he even suggested we call still live on the upper level while he and that girl lives in lower level, I said no way.
We have more properties, biz, 3 kids, what is the best for me and kids, I do not ever want to see H, but it is not fair for the kids, going to meet D lawyer tomorrow!
Gosh! Very scared, never strong enough for this, please help!
he wants to settle with me without using a lawyer fighting crazy.
He wants to give me a bit more assets and share custody no CS to pay, he even suggested we call still live on the upper level while he and that girl lives in lower level, I said no way. ]
Wow, just plain wow. Well I am Canadian and I can tell you, you are entitled to half of everything, including child support and as a stay at home mom, spousal support. Get to a lawyer ASAP.
He is trying to con you into doing what he wants, of course he doesn't want laywers or to pay child support. He wants to live in his fantasy world with his old family upstairs and his new family down.
Time to get mad, time to march over to the lawyers and put an end to the fantasy world. Do not let him bully you into anything less than what you deserve. I get angry just reading your story. You can't nice him back, he isn't going to change his mind, your children do deserve a father, but they don't deserve the crap he is trying to hand them.
Let us know how the lawyer visit goes, and don't wait a minute longer.
Sent you a PM..