What am I doing?
TCD - I think you might be getting sick of my hugs, but every time you post, I feel like wrapping you in a huge hug. I see a lot of strength in your recent posts. Hang on to that - it will serve you very well over the coming months.
There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox
Peace and hugs to you! You will get past this and you will be better off!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!! exactly
I think where things have really changed for me is not feeling like I'm the worthless one. Or that there is something wrong with me that I can't be loved. I really see him for what he is.
that I'm asking for too much.
You did this to me, jackass.
[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 9:36 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]
I wish I could tell you why or how to make him change this behavior. You will probably spend lots of time trying to sort out all this crap, figuring out what the lies are, realizing why he is lying, remembering lies, remembering gaslights and blameshifts.. I did this for a while to try to get my head on straight. It's tough when they are constantly throwing crap in your ear, and you are constantly having to step back and "see" it for what it really is..
But in my experience, with time, you won't even care to figure out the why anymore. You can't change anything even if you do figure something out. Try to stay no contact on this kind of stuff, no engaging, no arguing, no trying to correct him..
I think he will try even HARDER to bring you down when he sees you detaching, so crickets and eye rolls is my best advice for dealing with an emotionally abusive spouse..
You know the truth. I bet he knows the truth, too, but he's playing a game, so time to take your ball and go home.. Let him play with himself as you aren't interested in the mind fucks anymore..
He actually told me I was punishing him with my pain. I was just.... stunned. It was almost as if I saw the machinations in his head. Just a little sneaky mouse running on a wonky treadmill.
Too broken. Just too damn broken.
Here you are! Take a deep breath. Fill your lungs. Scream if you have to. That echo is the rest of us screaming with you! Know you are well on your way to getting "There" where you are free of that narcissistic jerk.
Oh, and (((hugs))) too. It is hard. But you are gonna be fine, one step at a time.
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.