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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Daddy doesn't say "I love you."
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked school aged dd who is playful with her father if he says "I love you" to her. I expected, "Yes." She replied, "No." I was putting her to bed and it was dark when I asked her so she could not see my tears after her response.

Her father has told OW "I love you". How can he not tell his only child this?


Posts: 186 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not saying it to your DD is a shame. My ex never did either.Once our kids became teenagers, there was no affection either. I had to coach him to hug them when they were moving far away. Emotionally stunted.

The reason he tells OW he loves her is simply his version of I want to have sex with you. Cheaters are thinking with their "little head".


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Loyalty2Liberty
♀ Member
Member # 36714
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How awful for her to grow up with such a father.

Grownups talk a big game about freedom and choices and fairness and consequences. Yet, at the end of the day, kids are the ones stuck bearing the burden of mistakes and sins made by those who already know better.


me:BW
him:stbxWh


Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not saying it to your DD is a shame... Emotionally stunted.

I think my husband IS emotionally stunted. His mother died when he was a toddler and he told the OW that he grew up in a home with no affection. He's like the character in one of the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" series in which this albino looking giant feels no physical pain due to a chromosomal deficiency. I think my husband is like that character, emotionally and physically.


Posts: 186 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ugh. No excuse to not tell a child "I love you". I know that you are showering her with hugs, kisses and I love yous.

My stbx, on the other hand, said it often but my kids are older and they feel the words don't match his actions/behavior.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2116 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a word of warning - sometimes when a parent fishes a child will tell them what they think a parent wants to hear.

DD5 often tell me what a miserable time she has at her dads. I don't grill her - I merely ask her how her weekend was and what did she get up to. If she brings him up directly I tend to steer the conversation back to her "Oh but I want to hear about YOU and YOUR weekend".

When she does it I give her my full attention and ask her clearly and directly if she is telling stories. She'll then recount an incident or three where she was in trouble for something and that was what she was talking about.

Having said that - I'm not saying what your DD said is not true. If it is then I am very sad. I simply cannot imagine not revelling in the deliciousness that is my little girls.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5419 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Lola2kids
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Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slight t/j:
What does it mean when DD's don't say I love you?

Daddy says it all the time, they just don't respond in same.

I thought at first it was because I was there when he said it. I have heard them on the phone with the speaker on when they didn't know I could hear and they don't say it back to him.

Do you think that they think he is fishing? He wants the ego kibbles for sure.

My family is not much for verbal I love you's or for physical showing of affection. It was hard for me to say I love you to the kids but it became easier and easier because they are so damn lovable. They say it to me as well spontaneously, not a response to my saying it first.

It's interesting. Do you think your STBX is repressed that way? Was he that way with you FOL?


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1311 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's interesting. Do you think your STBX is repressed that way? Was he that way with you FOL?

Yes, STBX (first time I'm typing this reference to him) was like that to me.


Posts: 186 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I pointed out to STBX that he needs to say "I love you" to his daughter. He replies, "She knows already." I emphasized that he needed to say it now while she is a child because it will more difficult when she is a tween/teen. All I want from him now is what is best for our only child.

Posts: 186 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
tlartclark
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Member # 24443
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may sound harsh, but, his relationship with her is up to him. Like another poster said, asking how was your day/weekend is good, but try to refrain from asking for details. If she said to you " daddy does not say he loves me" then by all means tell her "well I know he does, maybe you can ask him to say it" if she does not want to, sure mention it to him in a business like way, but ultimately it's up to him. As long as you are not bad mouthing him and not preventing him from time with her, the rest is on him


Me - BW - divorced, recovered and happy
Him - who cares
2 amazing sons
D-day 6/2008
Divorced 1/5/11
Sometimes the path of least resistance just makes the road longer.
Sometimes you have to head straight on into the pain to come out the other side

Posts: 2695 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Connecticut
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may sound harsh, but, his relationship with her is up to him.

I told him that I didn't want our dd to have father issues like his whore. She was 20 when she married her 40 yo husband. Her father died when she was 5 yo.


Posts: 186 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may sound harsh, but, his relationship with her is up to him. Like another poster said, asking how was your day/weekend is good, but try to refrain from asking for details. If she said to you " daddy does not say he loves me" then by all means tell her "well I know he does, maybe you can ask him to say it" if she does not want to, sure mention it to him in a business like way, but ultimately it's up to him. As long as you are not bad mouthing him and not preventing him from time with her, the rest is on him

This
(and yes he is an a-hole, but try not to ask for details)

Posts: 474 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 12

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