Should I even respond at all?
None of my kids are in IC right now. I tried that as soon as we told the kids and the FC blamed me for the deterioration of their relationship. See below:
I fired that one.
Now I did start working with a new counselor three weeks ago and have a session scheduled next week. I didn't want to jump right back in until I knew this was the right person. As of now, I still am not sure.
1) Respond with crickets
2) write back that I am already doing this and detail my plans?
3) write back that these are the consequences of her choices, and even though I'm already on it (IC for kids) all the counseling in the world isn't going to repair their damaged relationship because she still doesn't own what she did and he told me she's a liar and just cannot trust her again?
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
"Noted. <Fuck you. I didn't need to know that. Per SBB's NC code thread. > As you know, I have already started working on getting the boys to counseling. Remember, we discussed this when I got the EAP information to you so you could set something up for yourself.
I wanted to do at least two sessions with this guy before I brought the boys in. My next session is this week upcoming. If you wish to file something with your atty. please go ahead and do so."
Your DS16 is old enough to decide to answer or not answer phone calls or/and text messages. You can't force a teen to communicate.
I'm pretty sure this isn't about your son at all. It's about the fact that you've made such huge progress lately in your own personal life. She's probably feeling your self-confidence and happiness return, and, being the emotional vampire she is, she's trying to suck the happiness out of you by making you worry about stuff like this.
Remember how good you feel when you don't engage?
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
I would normally be all about crickets, but I'm wondering if this is kind of like a medical issue? It seems like one of those topics like extracuriculars or school or religion or something where both parents need to agree to it..
My children are still young, so I would be inclined to respond with something about this type of issue.. But I can see how at 16 perhaps no..
I guess since I'm still in the middle of divorce, I'm doing everything I can to seem like the reasonable parent, so if he brought something up like this with me, I would want to show that I responded. Especially given how smart you are going about the situation with meeting the counselor first, I don't see any reason not to let her know..
I put my kids in weekly counseling MONTHS ago. I told him that I was doing it and never got a response from him, and we haven't spoken of it since. I think it's the type of thing we would need to agree on, so I'm not even asking him for half the co-pays for fear that he will try to stop allowing me to take them.. It would only be about $50 bucks a month for his half, but it's just the type of thing he would cause a stink about and try to "hurt" me over.. It's his world, so I'm sure he would deny the children this just to spite me and not pay me the extra bit of money..
Anyhoo, good luck with your new counselor! The wrong ones can be very damaging, but the right ones can be so helpful.. That was definitely a horrible experience you had, and that counselor was WRONG..
I was then summarily attacked for leaving her out of choosing a counselor and firing the first counselor because i "didn't like how she portrayed me"??!?!?...
It was a double bind. i can't win for losing. She even went on to say, "don't act so innocent! Your friends are setting you up with <somebody, i've never head of and can't remember her name>" This was a surprise to me. i've never even heard of this girl. I must have some really good friends...
She sucked me right in, and i fell for it. We 'discussed' everything but counseling. She's pissed that i hired a sitter for DS11 while i'm at work. She says i'm doing a poor parenting job with DS16 because i'm not making him watch his little brother this summer. She blames me for EVERYTHING.
I'm doing the best i can with what i have to work with. She fucked coworker, rebuffed my attempts to reconcile, started a new relationship with 'Dallas' and moved out. Said i was emotionally unavailable and all kinds of ugly things about me that were basic rewrites of the marriage history. I have never been violent in my life, but suddenly she was afraid i might hurt her or the kids.
i don't understand why!!! What can she possibly gain from all of this? Why can't she just leave me the fuck alone? I was having such a good day, too. I planted my garden, and sprayed my lawn. Just planted a new palm for my pool. got my laundry done and got my first run in since my marathon in early May.
You all were right! phmh and Phoenix hit the nail on the head. This wasn't about the kids at all. This was about her trying to get to me. Her losing control. Her not being so happy with how her glib plans are working out. FTG(irl)!!! My life is going to be so much better without her.
I seemed to be the only one who thought you should have responded to the counseling thing, and I think I stand by that purely from a "trying to look good to a judge" standpoint, but engaging in the rest was a big no-no.. I would have recommended crickets for anything else it led to..
Blaming you for getting set up with a girl OMG. These stupid waywards are SUCH hypocrites!!!
I don't understand why!!! What can she possibly gain from all of this? Why can't she just leave me the fuck alone?
Ego kibbles, I imagine. And NPD tendencies as you better not dare be happy without her..
Sorry you fell of the wagon. The good thing is that you can always get back on. I'm guessing it's time to go dark and wait to see if she puts up or shuts up on contacting her lawyer about this. I don't see you doing anything wrong, completely focusing on what's best for your son, so don't let her words get to you. FTB!!