There really are blessings in disguise. Having no children, means you won't be tied to spouse for child issues. A huge plus.
So a big whoo hoo to you.
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
And as most of those who posted, I found those fears not to be realistic and my life is now turning out better than it ever was.
I am doing better financially than I ever did, being able to save more while allowing myself a decent lifestyle. Instead of money being spent on husband's toys and pricey dinners and 100$ bottle wines, I get my regular massages, have a cleaning lady, a gardener and still have more money left over than before.
I am closer to ALL of family and most friends than ever before. My ex-in laws and my parents are my rocks. So are my close girlfriends and a few guy friends. I have found kindness and love in places I never expected.
I have dated and had a relationship after my separation and divorce. Even though the relationship did not end well I learned that I could love again and truly fall for somebody again head over heels. It also showed me how great sex can truly be and it has given me hope for the future that at my tender age of 44 it is not too late to find love.
This is a great thread for anybody just starting this journey. It is so hard to imagine that you can come out better, stronger, happier on the other side, but many of us here are living proof of that.
Frankly, if I was asked today to trade my life and my experiences since my separation and divorce and go back to my old life - ex-husband and marriage at that point, money issues etc. - I would say 'No' without hesitation.
[This message edited by fraeuken at 7:24 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]
Most time it is based in fear - fear of not ever being loved again, not being good enough, not being strong enough. And then I kick myself remembering all the posts of the strong people on this site - if you can do it, I can do it.
Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
I think my biggest fear is the possibility of sharing important milestones in my children's lives with OW (like Homecoming Dances, Prom, Graduations, Wedding). My daughter has already told me that there is no way OW will ever replace me as "Mom" -- but I don't want to share my kids with her.
(actually, what my daughter has said is that she only has 2 moms -- her birthmom and me and there isn't room for another one!)
We'll see what reality ends up being.
Because my situation is still so new...my fears are about what I don't know about STBX and what he may do next...
Fear: Why did this man I thought loved me, who was a good person, turn into someone else?
Reality: I am thankful I found out his true colors now and not in 10 more years.I am thankful I am not with him because he is in a dark dark hole I don't want to be dragged into. He tried to be a good man, but he isn't one, he is pathetic.
Fear: What is he plotting, scheming, planning legally?? Can he beat me? will he get 50% custody?
Reality: I am smarter. I am more resourceful and willful and stronger. I will not back down and while he had a 15 month head start on me...I am only getting stronger while he gets weaker and I can play this game too. Don't F**K with me.
Fear: it will be hard for me to give my 16 month old son up for a whole day or 2 at a time and it will be hard for him to go back and forth. Also STBX is unreliable so he may not keep to our agreements. Conversely, maybe I won't have much help with child rearing and the nanny will have to cover my hours (right now STBX is traveling most of the week). My parents said they will visit once a month to help.
Fear: My STBX will see the light and stop being a verbally abusive cheater and I'll miss out on the improved version (yeah right he's still blaming everyone else for this)
Fear: I'll be lonely because I moved up here for STBX's career and now I'm stuck hundreds of miles away from my family and friends without him. Already started making some good friends up here so hopefully that's not true.
Fear: I'll never find a good man.
Fear: I will struggle financially. Even though I was the breadwinner I worry about paying for the house on my own, paying for childcare on my own, and him winning alimony.
I think that's it. Seems like a lot of fears for someone who can't wait to be free!
[This message edited by careerlady at 5:54 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)]
Believe us -- things will get better! Don't let fear stop you from making the best decision for you for the rest of your life!