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Newest Member: walker2014 (44332)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What am I to him?
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why does XH think that calling me to keep himself pulled together and not break down at work because he got "bad news" is the right thing? Then after much prying about this bad news....assuming a death or medical diagnosis, I finally asked..."did someone break up with you?" He essentially said yes.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait.

What?

He called you so you could console him because someone hurt his widdle feelings by breaking up with him?

RUFKM????????

When he essentially said yes, please tell me you then did something like blow a whistle in the phone so it would blast his eardrum. Right?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9318 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a dick!!!!!!


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2712 | Registered: Jan 2011
JessicaFL127
♀ Member
Member # 26864
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, what a creeper!


BW,32
divorced for 6 years
mom to two awesome boys,10 and 9

"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC

"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"


Posts: 1244 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Missouri
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him, good. That you hope he suffers just as much suffering as he dished out to you.

Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time to stop taking his calls.

There is an emotional bakery as well as a physical one. Time to close the bakery.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5455 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Reality
♀ Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um. Wow. I second Nature Girl's suggestion to retroactively use a bullhorn.

My ex showed up one day to tell me a mythical story:

- He was dating finally.
- He was in love with her.
- But, he just got a call from her sister that (insert theatrical sob) she had just died.

I was so shocked at not only him showing up at the house, I just nodded and tried to look concerned and get him out of the house safely. The moment I told my husband and kids, their response:

"Oh, my gosh! That poor woman had to fake her death to get him to leave her alone?!"

So pat phrase next time, answer, "There, there. Is she still alive, at least?"


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He did the same thing to me a few weeks after I moved out of the marital home. He called me sobbing that he thought he needed to break it off with MOW because she wouldn't leave her BH.

So often it is obvious he thought I was his mother. He acted like a spoiled teenager pissed to do anything with the family during the last 2/3 of our 15 year marriage.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

T/J to Reality,

Normally I don't laugh at stories that involve death, but I'm sitting here giggling. Your kids think she faked her death to get rid of him - and your idea of what to say to him after future breakups.


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
AussieMum
♀ Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My idiot was dumped by married OW2 (he was still living here at the time) and he muttered to me, with tears in his eyes, 'you got what you wanted'. Then disappeared downstairs CRYING

I told him it was quite telling that the only time he'd shed tears over this whole mess was when she dumped his sorry, lying arse.

Tell your XH to keep his sob stories to himself - you're NOT INTERESTED!


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 1:25 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have it in my profile, but I don't keep quiet about it either....but he was terribly cruel to me.

The first thing I said to him on d-day #1 wasn't "did you have sex"....it was "were you nice to her?" He was so mean to me, I was jealous that he was nice to someone else.

Then, before I realized R had become false R, he was gaslighting me and lying to the MC and allowing her to essentially gaslight me too and let me think I was crazy and the one with the problem. Just so he could hide MOW again.

Why would he think that I would be a good support person for him having his heart broken by other women?

We co-parent well enough now (after a rocky start) and he will honor most of my requests and wishes and he's good about finances.

But, he's oblivious to what pain he caused me. He's cried to me that he's sorry. He told me in Feb that he still loved me. But, I honestly don't feel that he really gets it. It's like he only gets the "sex" part as a betrayal. Not the emotional abuse he put me through for so many years. I was physically ill from the way he treated me. Stomach spasms, hair loss, daily anxiety attacks. I wouldn't be surprised if I had infidelity PTSD. I still suffer from triggers to this day.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
CallMeRed1
♀ Member
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 3:49 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tabitha I can relate to your posts so much I almost didn't reply as they cut me up again.

I have had my ExH talking to me about ALL the women he has been with since we split up (lots) and when he talks about walking along holding hands with his now GF, it makes me so sad as he used to walk along in front of me (short man syndrome - I am taller than him) and never hold my hand or put his arm around me.

I also had stomach spasms (IBS?). During our M. The stress of it gave me several symptoms which funnily enough have ceased or diminished since D. I don't think I ever knew how stressed out I was in that situation.

I relate also to them thinking of us as their mother. My Ex has called me about how to do washing, (do you split whites and colours) and all sorts of things like that.

I'm not going to be his safety net any more... and I think you should think along the same lines honey.

Thinking of you.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 181 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I had more courage, I would ask, "How does it feel?"

What a crazy thing.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I think Red has really good ideas.

The mother angle or madonna figure personality fits sometimes, esp. with the physical side or cleaning up their messes.

For a time I was cleaning up the messes Perv made with DD and I can't keep up with them anymore.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 14

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