Good for you, Spelljean!
It's an awful place to be in, but it sounds like false R to me. Cake eating, yes. Perv did that very briefly and discovered that he couldn't handle it emotionally and made more problems, if you can imagine.
I'm so glad you see the proverbial forest through the trees and it shows self-respect, as well, which I'm trying to get back.
Perv did that at times he was split from OW and when he solidified things, decided he was done here.
One thing that was excruciating was living under the same roof when he was pretending to R and fighting with OW because he was a wreck and took it out on me...we became just a situation for him til he went back-FWIW, I would warn to be very, very careful having him move back, even though can it's so nerve wracking and impatient feeling to wait.Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.