Am I being over-analyizing? I would like to get to know someone a little more over emails and stuff before I take the time to get a babysitter and meet them in person! Ya know?? Thoughts on this...
ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
[This message edited by lostmommy at 10:23 AM, May 31st (Friday)]
And, that's me too...if we had been talking for a week or two and I was really sparking an interest...then I would definitely be open to meeting in person....but he just started talking to me yesterday!
[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 10:25 AM, May 31st (Friday)]
We talked about it at some point after we were engaged, and he said the reason he was pushing to meet so soon was because of his experiences with OLD. He had gone out with quite a few women with whom there seemed to be a real connection after chatting for a few weeks or even months on-line, only to find out when meeting the first time in person that there was no real attraction on one side or the other (and sometimes both). He just decided he didn't want to waste a lot of time with the initial on-line talk or phone calls only to have things flop in person yet again.
He was patient with me because I explained that I was very cautious after my experiences with my X (who I also met on-line, well before OLD was available).
Bottom line - there are arguments both ways. With a child, you have even more reasons to be cautious. If, when talking to someone through OLD, you can't talk and work out some sort of compromise or at least understanding of each other's viewpoint on this, then that's probably a good sign you're better off passing anyway.
I had one guy string me along, planning and canceling dates, for two months! What a colossal waste of my time. He lived about an hour away, so the dates we planned (3 of them) were always planned well in advance, and at the last minute, something always came up that he had to cancel. I let it slide because he was so apologetic and took a lot of initiative to reschedule.
So my MO became that I wouldn't talk to someone for more than a week without a date getting scheduled. And yes, I accepted dates from first messages, if their profile was well fleshed out and their message was intelligent, well thought out, etc.
I don't, however, tell people where I live, where I work, etc. General neighborhood, yes, specifics? No! That would be a bigger red flag to me.
Your in a harder situation because of the baby. Your right in not bringing baby into the mix. I went on 1 date and spent 2 hours at a bar talking to the guy. He was great communicating online and via txt. Not so much in person. I decided I was not going to waste that much time, online and in person.
So if after a week or so of talking, txting etc and we don't plan on getting together, I am probably done. I don't need a pen pal and I don't need to just be something to do. I also decided no more sitting at a bar with someone. Not really my lifestyle. Now if someone wants to get together, its for a bike ride, walk on our local trails, kayak etc. I am going to at least get exercise out of it. And I have found that it is much easier just "talking" not like at a bar where it seems no real conversation takes place.
I have a pretty thick skin but it takes nerves of steel. The guys usually say that I look way better than my pics, that usually when they meet up with some girl, her pics are decades old, major weight etc. In my opinion a couple of guys didn't look like their pics either (hair colored, much shorter than advertised). I have had a few poofers too. One after he asked what I thought of him after 1 meetup! Some rush to make plans, then cancel.
After everything you have been through, I say, do it your way! If they can't accept that so early in a possible relationship, NEXT.
The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis. - Dante Alighieri
Didn't even get to my point. Maybe try to combine 2 things, one that you would do anyway at a neutral spot and a meet/greet with a potential OLD person.
But I don't carry around a fear that when I meet someone in person that she'll be a crazy stalker out to kidnap my children. If you have such fear, then I suppose you should be very very cautious.
What truly sucks about OLD is the weird fixation on chemistry from the start. It's an awkward dynamic, that way, and people rule each other out more quickly and for more superficial reasons than if they grew to know each other more gradually (and inversely, if there is the almighty chemistry, relationships jump start quickly in OLD, only to fizzle and die once the sexual mystery has been demystified - but this I say from observation of others, not my own experience as chemistry has not come my way easily).
Several guys have asked me out in the first message or two. I generally say, "I'm all for meeting quickly, but can we exchange a few emails so I can determine you aren't a serial killer (joking)". That took a little pressure off of me, I got their full name so I could Google them, then I decided pretty quickly and set the date.
It felt weird at first accepting a date from a total stranger, but...I always drove separate, met them in a public place, gave their name/number to my BFF and was cautious.
I think since you have to hire a sitter it isn't unreasonable to wait a bit. I personally wouldn't go longer that 2 weeks though. You can build this weird intimacy in messages that have nothing to do with reality.
Go with what you're comfortable with. I'm a single parent as well with and Ex who doesn't see his children so a babysitter is a rare and precious thing!