Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Riley1010 (44732)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: SO feels "pressured" to accept my friend request
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has taken me to neighborhood parties in the past. I've never been to any work functions but he hates his job and he has never mentioned any functions. I have met his mom and stepdad and his family that is local. He said his last girlfriend pressured him to accept her as a friend and list himself as in a relationship. He feels like he's being pressured again. I told him I'm not asking him to change his status and if most people he cares about already know about us then who cares if they see me as his friend? If he hadnt sworn on his kids lives I would be wondering more than I am. Is he just avoiding conflicts?


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he hadnt sworn on his kids lives

Given the number of WS's who've done this when lying about their affairs, I don't really put any faith into it.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13724 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@lieshurt
I know. My x swore on his kids lives too. Disgusting.


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actions over words. That's a motto around SI.

All he has to do is ask you not to post relationship status posts, etc... if he is indeed private in nature. But he doesn't trust you to even do that.

Also......swearing on his kids. My XH swore on a lot of things too.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3249 | Registered: Dec 2008
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't put any faith into that statement either. I think you know you are deep down questioning it since you've been lied to before with the same over the top "swear."

If this was me, I would be walking away. If you can't fully accept me in public, you sure as hell don't deserve all of me in private.

You are worth it, tiredof it. Don't settle for someone who feels pressure to be friends with you on an online social media site. That should have been a no brainer on his part. Something doesn't feel right because it isn't.

((hugs))


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone who is truly that private doesn't have a facebook account.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3318 | Registered: Dec 2011
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm...that tells me that either he hasn't been completely honest with you or he hasn't been completely honest with somebody else about you

Winner, winner chicken dinner!!

Someone who is truly that private doesn't have a facebook account

I am not friends with FWSO but that is because I have to turn his computer on Heck he just got a smartphone like 5 months ago.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said his last girlfriend pressured him to accept her as a friend and list himself as in a relationship

I would be more upset that he seems to be copmparing me to other women and projecting their behavior onto me. You are not her & this is not their relationship. He needs to do some work to get past this distrust of women.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He then said he's very private and doesn't want anyone to know his business and is afraid of what ill post.

Even if this is the truth (which I really don't believe) and he is afraid what you will post will invade his privacy, this means he doesn't trust you. Why is he with you if he doesn't trust you.

I would be wondering why all of his friend on FB qualified to be on his friends list but I, his SO, wasn't. This would be a deal breaker for me.

As others have said, I really believe there is something shady going on.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't even concentrate at work today. This is all too depressing.


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Given the number of WS's who've done this when lying about their affairs, I don't really put any faith into it.

Yep, my STBX swore on our children's lives as well as the grave of his dead mother that he wasn't cheating, blah blah blah... He even called upon God to blast him with a bolt of lightning if he was lying.

People who are that dramatic are BS artists.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9536 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tired)))


Posts: 34748 | Registered: Mar 2011
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How does it feel, in your gut? That's the thing... if it feels wrong, then it is wrong. It would feel very wrong to me.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
cryingdaily
♀ Member
Member # 7276
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a long-winded post all ready and then deleted it in favor of
How does it feel, in your gut? That's the thing... if it feels wrong, then it is wrong.


Me: BS 48
Him: Doesn't matter any more.
The Royal Court, formerly known as the Princess Posse:
DD31 - Belle
DD23 - Xena
GD10 - Jasmine
GD8 - Ariel
GD Born 9/4/12 - Tink
GS Born 6/23/2014 - Little Prince

Posts: 14398 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Massachusetts
Confused1829
♀ Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am really surprised to see so many people scream 'red flag!'

To me, this is SOOOO not a big deal - and I am on Facbook nearly everyday (I do social media for work). This is a grown man, who doesn't think of facebook as an extension of himself. I dont think he's hiding anything, I really just believe he doesn't think too seriously about it and its weird to have someone think that if you dont update your facebook that it's like the relationship isn't valid. I took my relationship status off specifically for this purpose. I just don't care to have it on there. No one needs to know my business.

If your friend said that his message made it look like he was active a day ago, that may not really be the case. Sometimes my page makes it look like I'm active when I'm not (especially if it connects to your mobile).

Seriously, I wouldn't jump to conclusions here. If we were in high school and/or he was constantly on facebook,then that'd be one thing. But I honestly don't see this as a big deal.

My SO is rarely on facebook. I think his profile pic is from like 4 years ago. he posts stuff occasionally from his phone but it's rare. We're still not Facebook friends.

From what I've read about him having kids soccer stuff on there, etc. it really doesn't look like he's using it to troll for other women! I would not turn this into something bigger than it is.


Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Tired))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25059 | Registered: Aug 2011
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Confused, her SO is active on Facebook. He has plenty of friends and family on there that he doesn't have any problems with posting to his wall. The only person he doesn't want posting is Tiredofit. That is the issue. It doesn't matter if it's Facebook or any other social media, the issue is that he told her he could be embarassed by something she might say.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13724 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Confused1829
♀ Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, Lieshurt, I didn't read all the comments. That is understandable.


Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Confused I think how he explained it in relationship to a former GF was also a HUGE red flag.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to climb under a rock. Just noticed on the full fb site that there are other mesg categories other than inbox. Clicked on spam and it was empty. Clicked on other mesgs and there were a few benign ones but one fr some woman who friend requested me last month and I ignored because I didn't know her. She sent me 2 mesgs one in feb and one in early may saying she thinks we have someone in common and she has info on my x and his bimbo and that he's been hiding money fr me for years!!!
I really just want to throw up I'm so stressed. Is this another jilted bimbo that I didn't know about??!!


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
Topic Posts: 69
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.