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Newest Member: starlit (45061)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Behavior Expected - please advise
nothing10112
♀ New Member
Member # 37312
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been awhile since i have posted. Me and the unfaithful broke physical ties in November 2012. However, I have been on a whirlwind of drugs, swinging and simply not my normal behavior. I feel like, because the infidelity occurred within a swingers club, I had no choice but to prove that he's not the only one. I am now on disability due to panic attacks. However, I am getting better. I have removed all inappropriate sexual and emotional behaviors aside and am working with clinical doctrine. My only question, is this a normal behavior after trying to survive infidelity.


Nothing_10/1/2012

Me BS - 40

Ex-Significant WS - 45

Together for 4 years but no longer together - I now live by myself (teenage daughter recently moved out)

D-Day 10-1-12


Posts: 9 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Arizona
CallMeRed1
♀ Member
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think everyone reacts differently but do what you have done, put it behind you and move on now.

Look after yourself, mentally, emotionally, physically.

If I were you I'd also get STD checked just so you know you're okay at this stage.

But don't worry about how you reacted then, think of the future and try not to dwell if you can.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 187 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
newnormal
♀ Member
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, yes your response is a common reaction. But not a healthy choice. Please google maladaptive behavior. Its your minds way of trying to make yourself feel desireable in the context of the infidelity.

You are worth far more than your hot bod. Talk to your therapist about this. If you don't have one, spend a few moments to sit down and write a few things that make you feel good about yourself. For example, volunteer at a nursing home - the old guys will validate your hotness AND your compassion towards others. How about being a big sister and spend some time helping little girls feel confident about themselves?

((((Hugs)))))


BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing destroys the soul more than trying to prove yourself to a WS, whether before or after the fact. Your case is a tad extreme, but in so far as acting out to show two can play at that game, it happens.

I'm glad you found your way back to some sanity and have help to maintain your equilibrium. Your WS destroyed your M, not you. It's important to remember that. You still have to live for you.


((((nothing10112)))


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3106 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did a lot of self-destructive things after leaving my XH. I think it's quite common after D.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49480 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
cryingdaily
♀ Member
Member # 7276
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have been betrayed, rejected, made to feel unattractive and unwanted and we have felt powerless over the direction of our own lives and R.

Some of us have felt the need to "prove" our worth and take some power back, unfortunately sometimes it manifests in self-destructive ways.

[This message edited by cryingdaily at 8:23 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]


Me: BS 48
Him: Doesn't matter any more.
The Royal Court, formerly known as the Princess Posse:
DD31 - Belle
DD23 - Xena
GD10 - Jasmine
GD8 - Ariel
GD Born 9/4/12 - Tink
GS Born 6/23/2014 - Little Prince

Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Massachusetts
nothing10112
♀ New Member
Member # 37312
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond. I appreciate all of you. I needed to know if it correlated but assumed it did. I can now move on peacefully and gracefully.


Nothing_10/1/2012

Me BS - 40

Ex-Significant WS - 45

Together for 4 years but no longer together - I now live by myself (teenage daughter recently moved out)

D-Day 10-1-12


Posts: 9 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Arizona
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:02 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((nothing102212)) I did lots of self destructive things in those first 2 months too. For me it wasn't about desirability - it was about control. I wanted to control my pain by administering it myself for once.

I've looked high and low but the truth is there are no shortcuts. Move away from the scene and start the walk towards healing. The first step is always the hardest.

I've forgiven myself - I am building healthy coping mechanisms. Are you in IC?


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely in the realm. After my D, I went on such a downward spiral of alcohol & men it was apalling. Friends actually did a mini intervention.

The fact you recognize the problem before it went to far down the rabbit hole - very very good.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
clralb
♀ Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did the same thing. I was so self-destructive for a good year after separation. I did not care much if I lived or died.

I'm ashamed of the way I behaved but have forgiven myself.

Take care of yourself.


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
Topic Posts: 10

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