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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: X emailed me, and my intial response...
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, I finally have a real response that is as emotionless as I can get. I did include that she will not be visiting him in the UK because of OW. He knows that she hates the whore because she refused to even speak to him for over a year when he first M the bitch. He needs to know how ridiculous his request is so that he does not put DD on the spot by asking her.


I am sorry for your health. Please take care of yourself.

I will ask DD if she really wants to visit Huntsville, but she is rather busy this summer with track, softball, and preparing for AP classes and the SAT/ACT. If she does want to visit then I will make it happen.

We knew you moved to the UK a very long time ago. She will not be visiting you while you live with that woman. You should really know better than to ask that of her.

[This message edited by Dreamboat at 11:11 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17683 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would take out "If she does want to visit then I will make it happen"...to..."If she does want to visit, I will let you know."

Saying "you'll make it happen" implies it's on your dime.

Hell to the no on that.

AJ's MOM

ETA: FYI - You have your DD's actual name on your post.

[This message edited by ajsmom at 10:49 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21068 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about this:

That's too bad (or it is unfortunate) that you're in poor health. I'm sure you'll recover in time.

I will ask DAUGHTER if she really wants to visit Huntsville, but she is rather busy this summer with track, softball, and preparing for AP classes and the SAT/ACT. If she does want to visit then we can discuss how to go about making it happen.

We knew you moved to the UK a very long time ago. She will not be visiting you while you live with that woman. Since you know how DAUGHTER feels about your wife, you should really know better than to ask that of her.


I wouldnt give him any kibbles on being "sorry" for his health. Acknowlegdge without giving any "feelings" about the matter.
I agree with AJsMom that by saying "I will make it happen" that you open the door to having to pay for stuff that HE should be responsible for.

ETA: It sounds like your daughter is an intelligent and very capable young woman (like her mother) despite having a dipshit for a sperm donor. Kudos to you and DD.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 10:57 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6525 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't acknowledge his health. Who gives a flying fuck, really?

I'm with AJM on "I will make it happen".

I would also take out the last line from "We knew you moved..." including the "to ask that of her". No jabs because he's not important.

We're starving them of ego kibbles, remember?

F....T.....G.....

I also meant to say a big congrats to your DD for her marks - you must be positively thrilled!!


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do you want to acknowledge his health? I'd skip that line personally. Fuck him whether he is in poor or good health.

Please, please tell me there is some way you can go after him for CS!...just pisses me off...


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
stronggirl72
♀ Member
Member # 37293
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love, love your letters!!

Honestly, I have always been most successful talking about kids and finances only. It's difficult a lot of the time, but my former (daily) stress headaches and general peace of mind is waay better than wasting even one minute of my time with worrying about that guy.

You can do it!

[This message edited by stronggirl72 at 7:32 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


"Taking the high road, and doing it with class."

DIVORCED!!


Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2012
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am just so fucking bitter.
No, you really aren't bitter. You're an honest realist dealing with a selfish assclown. Big difference.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25716 | Registered: Aug 2011
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stupid POS broken person,

I will ask daughter if she would like to visit Huntsville, but she is rather busy this summer with track, softball, and AP classwork and the SAT/ACT prep. If she does want to visit, we can discuss how to go about making it happen.

We knew you moved to the UK a very long time ago. Daughter feels very uneasy about your wife and current living situation. Please realize that asking this of her puts her in a very awkward situation and may not in her best interest.

~Dreamboat


Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Daughter feels very uneasy about your wife and current living situation. Please realize that asking this of her puts her in a very awkward situation and may not in her best interest.

If you have to mention London, which I wish you wouldn't, I would prefer this suggested way of saying it.

The way you wrote the original versions makes it sound as if YOU are the one blocking her way (the THAT WOMAN comment), and it really isn't daughter's decision or feelings but you who aren't allowing her to go. He will take the "that woman" comment as you saying "not over my dead body" and that your daughter is being prevented by it, rather than you leaving it her choice to make.

This allows him to feel self-righteous that it's your fault he never sees the daughter he never trieds to see, and ignore the fact he's a deadbeat. He will possibly memorize the "that woman" line to repeat to all family to make it seem you're a horrible shrew who bullies the daughter and impedes him from seeing her and it's not as if he isn't trying sooooo hard to see her, it's all your fault. You know he wants to do this anyhow - blame you.

Why give him that ammunition to throw HIS bad choices over onto you?

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 8:06 PM, June 1st (Saturday)]


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you're getting close to what you need to say in your response, and I don't have anything wise to add. However, make sure you wait a while (a few days, a week?) before you respond. He doesn't deserve your immediate response, and he may get kibbles from a speedy reply. Take your time.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deadbeat,

DD and I are aware that you are living in London.

I will let you know what DD decides about the visit to your family this summer.

Dreamboat

Seriously, that is all you need to address. He doesn't deserve to know how she's doing in school. You definitely don't need to acknowledge his health. And as for a visit to the UK, you know she won't be going, so there's no need to say anything.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I missed this.
Love the first two drafts but Griefstricken's scaled down to the basics is enough.

Last Dec (last time I ever have to see FT) FT and I were doing business for about 2 hrs. All he did was whine about a family legal problem and his heart attack (he blames on me because I was pushing him legally.) I just kept repeating, I understand and Ummmm. He got NOTHING from me.

Your X deserves the same, NOTHING !
gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
getting_stronger
♀ Member
Member # 32858
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Too funny!

Posts: 62 | Registered: Jul 2011
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally would reply with crickets unless there was a (legitimate) question regarding kids or finances involved. No question=no response necessary. All the little statements in his email are worms on hooks! Be a smart fishy and don't take the bait!!

That said, loved your vent in the first response!!


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reminds me of that movie A Few Good Men. In the courtroom scene at the trial of the two marines, the defense attorney is setting the stage with a long narrative and the prosecutor asks "Is there a question anywhere in our future?". Always makes me chuckle...


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Is there a question anywhere in our future?"

Hee hee. That scene makes me chuckle too.

I'm noticing a pattern with STBX's emails and texts. It's pretty much, "<curse words>, <complaint about money>, <lie about money>, <false accusation about divorce proceedings>, <false accusation about kids>, <bitch and moan>, <more curse words>."

Me: Hmm, still not seeing a question there. Moving along now.. Nothing to see here..


I hope you were able to figure out a good response Dreamboat! I know you are trying to protect your daughter, but I still think it might be best if she tells him how she feels herself. He can continue to think that you are brainwashing and speaking for her until he hears it from her mouth.. My ex tries to tell me all the time that the kids hate me and want nothing to do with me and I intimidate them and that they will leave me later in life. It's all complete bullshit, and my son even told me that he has to say things like that to daddy so daddy won't be mad at him..

Just saying that I don't believe anything me ex tells me about how my kids feel about me, so he might not believe you either.. And she sounds like high school age, so maybe she's old enough to fight for herself here and tell him how she feels. I know you want to protect her, but sounds like he DID abandon her, and she's going to have to deal with that..

Big hugs to you and your daughter..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2304 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 36
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