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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Things that Felt "Off"
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perv was very, very, very emotional in the days and hours prior to DDay, when immediatley before, was a stonewall. I pieced together that he was texting OW at a maddening pace, probably in one of the many break-ups?

Yes, the anger grew and grew as DDay neared, though it was not him that told me...and he did tell me that he thinks he never would have (Waaa?) and then he made reasons not to be in a room with me or sit near me...the distance was very physical-feeling, like static electricity.

He became rather clingy to DD and doted on her, kind of like putting all of his effort into her, to the point of alienating me.

Yes, as NIK says, these things sneak into my head and the anger comes, but it's not there for as long as it used to be. And there are "aha" moments as well, even now something may pop up or a person will tell me something (I didn't want to know!).

These particular memories are not such emotional triggers as they used to be and I hope will ebb for all of the rest of you. It took forever for this relief for me.

Do any of you find when an answer comes, that you are able to put that part out of your mind and away? Or does it keep resurfacing? I find if I have a puzzle piece, thankfully, that "issue" eventually fades away.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sad in Az
It takes time--simple time. Process in any way you can.

It's amazing to think I've been living this way for almost a year!


wondered but felt so foolish and insecure for my thoughts!

I always questioned my feelings. Mostly because he would "tell me how I felt about things". He was rarely right but left me questioning if I had really "felt" or "thought" what he'd said.


And then I realized that my entire marriage was a lie.

This^^^. After i told girls we were D one dd began telling me the awful mean things he told her about me is when I realized that. It started when she was a little girl and then he would tell her don't tell mom or she will get mad.


Left earlier for work, came home later
yup that.

Did your WS get angrier before Dday or after or both?

I think I missed the during my trip. My girls experienced it though. The end came so fast for me I think I really only saw what I describe further down. I found SI on dday (thank God) I did 180 almost from the start. Now as we are working on a settlement his anger is really coming to the surface.

As I've been going through paperwork for D I came across a business card for a house cleaner I found in a wallet he hadn't used for several years. Funny I was the only house cleaner (he never did any housework ever) and he never ever offered getting one to help me.

I also found a dollar in the wallet and wondered why it was there. That's when I realized there was a women's name and phone number on it!

I was out of town on my "surprise" bday trip for 3 weeks. The first weekend I was gone he mentioned that he was going to ride out of state with a former coworker and his wife. "Quick ping" I wondered why he didn't mention it to me before I left. Then I thought it would be nice for him to get chance to ride for the weekend.

Just before my flight home I recieved a text from him letting me know his mother had passed away. We spent time together that evening and then some of the next day. It's kind of a blur. Anyway we were out for dinner and had one DD with us. On the way home we got into an arguement of all things not going to see fireworks for several years because he didn't want to. He was so angry. Didn't make sense I attributed it to his mother just dying.

The next morning at 4 am he was leaving to meet his brother and ride back for their mother's funeral.
For years he snoozed the alarm for at least 45 minutes. That morning he hit the button and was out of bed so fast it took me by surprise I said something to the effect I thought you were leaving at 4. His really angry reply was "I have to get ready don't I".

He got in the shower and I had the thought to check his phone. Blindsided finding texts from OW. (realized later my consolation was confronting him when he was stark naked!)

Months later my DD told me that she and her sisters couldn't wait for me to get home because he was so mad all the time.

Then there was all the time spent washing his motorcycle. He's be gone for hours cleaning it. Figured out later he was spending lots of time on the phone with OW.

I'm sure more will pop up but that's enough for now.

[This message edited by Elaine2012 at 9:41 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)]

Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ New Member
Member # 38688
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And more lies.

I now realize that just about everything for the last 2 years was a lie...not just the A. "The weatherman said it's going to rain," (no he didn't), "that cost $7" (it cost $2), "that Tylenol you bought doesn't work as well as [the exact same brand/strength/formula] I buy" (huh?), on to the more obvious things like "I'm going over to see my sick mom," and "no, everything's fine...just busy at work."

Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 23
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