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I received a text yesterday from Sultan. I broke NC to respond. But it led me to a new level of *seeing* the complete disconnect that he has as to who he is and what he has done.

Here's what the text said:

"Gonna, I am not looking to reconcile. We have proven that is not possible. I would like to start over. There are a million reasons why, but mainly because we do love each other. At least I think we do. I would like to date and go from there. I have no problems with you monitoring my phone as we date and build trust. Maybe I am just dreaming."

He wants a *do-over*. What.The.Fuck??? And not only what.the.fuck, but who in the hell does this guy think he is????

Yes, Gonna....so fucking what if I've treated you like hired help for 23 years and worked really hard to crush your soul. But let's just *forget* about all of that. It's in *the past* and I'm not *that guy* anymore. I haven't completely annihilated you yet, so my work here on earth isn't finished.....

But it led to a bit of a "what-if" mind-fiction in which I consciously remembered all of what he was wanting me to *forget*.

And just....Wow. I realized that there are so many *things* that were kinda pushed aside as I dealt with something else. This guy has really done some hard-core, incredibly emotionally abusive, bad shit to me and to his kids.

And he's just like....yea, sorry. But you know what Gonna, I'm miserable and unhappy and yep I'm broken. But you just need to understand that I'm broken and *deal* with it and let me come back into your life.....just because.

God, I just can't believe that people like this exist outside of TV movies.....

Oh gonna, come on...

He'll let you monitor his phone....

You are too strong for him. (((hugs)))

Um. Wow.

I do believe I've been rendered speechless. And that is saying something.

Since you've been here a while, I'm assuming you've read on sociopaths? So many light bulbs went off when I did. The lack of empathy truly is something that an empathetic person really can't get our heads around!

Hey gonna,

He's got some kinda big brass balls that one.

If you twitch your nose, and twirl your finger you can turn back time and give "him" a do over. (Like if you could it would be for him) Isn't that special. He'll allow you to monitor his phone to build trust.

Well, bless his big ole' heart.,

[This message edited by openedupmyeyes at 8:21 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

Wow, that's about all I have to say! You are worth so much more than he is giving you and don't you dare forget that! He screwed up, not you. If he wants to be transparent then it takes more then just looking at his phone because he can delete the messages. He's manipulating you just like my WH is. So, honestly, I have no right giving you any advice. You have to do what is right for you.

Sending you peace and hugs!!!

I haven't completely annihilated you yet, so my work here on earth isn't finished.....

Not to minimise your pain but this made me smile. Good to see that despite everything you have retained a sense of humour. Albeit dark thanks to Sultan. Love your feistiness.

This guy has really done some hard-core, incredibly emotionally abusive, bad shit to me and to his kids.

I'm sorry & you know I know exactly what you mean by this. And it's like they think the cheating is the only thing. No, the cheating is the big flag they flew proudly to hide all the horror going on underneath and perpetrated on you & the kids. The cheating, once you look at all the other horror, actually comes off as being *not* the worst thing about it all. Which of course is why just fidelity doesn't even come close to being a fix for what he did.

So OW umpteen found another lurve interest did she? (written tongue in cheek )

Aw poor widdle sultan... his harem has aww gone away...

Crickets...

Although if you went NC.. we wouldn't have these lovely little nuggets of him to shake our heads at.

Gonna, you are so much more than he even has a clue about. And all of your growth has been because HE isn't in your picture.

Delusional was the first word that came to my mind. I think it fits his frame of mind.

Keep on YOUR path.... You've already left the swamp... why go back. If he wants to catch up... he can do the work on his own.

Hugs,

K

on my newsfeed today...

I know. All of you guys have been watching my drama unfold for all of this time.

Sociopathy. I resist that because it just seems so cold and so *evil*. I have children with this guy. This guy is their role model. Fuck me.

But as I was systematically going through event after event and conversation after conversation in my mind.....*shiver*. Who says what he has said and does what he has done....and then just come back with a "eh, no harm, no foul...it's all in the past" attitude???

@O24.....your welcome for the smile. The bad thing is that I really do feel that way right now. At some point in time, he sold his soul to the devil. He is not one of the *angels* that walk the earth....

Geez.oh.man, what an asshat! I can't wait till I read of much better times for you, after your toxic Sultan is banished from your life... May a million camel fleas infest his crotch.

Take care Gonna, and I know the whole SI team is rooting for you!

@Kajem

Delusional

I said that I broke NC over that text. That is what I told him.....that what he said didn't even make sense and that he was delusional.

So, if I hypothetically wanted to re-post that saying that you posted on my FB.....how would I do it?

I pointed out to my xh once that he could punch me in the mouth and then be angry that I was still bleeding from something that happened two seconds ago, because it "was in the past" and I should just get over it already. It just sailed over his head.

Geez. Sultan hasn't learned anything yet. Did he really just beg you for a rugsweep of his actions??

What a complete moron.

But something must be in the water. My "wish he wasn't really a sociopath" ex has been sending me smiley face texts.

Forget these clowns.. No thank you.. We can only pray their fathering skills are better than their relationship skills.. For obvious reasons..

Another one that just posted to my feed.. literally after I posted to you.

[This message edited by Kajem at 8:50 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

So, if I hypothetically wanted to re-post that saying that you posted on my FB.....how would I do it?

Right click on the image

"Save Image As" and put it somewhere you can find it again on your computer

Upload the image to FB and post

t/j to Gonna

click on the image.. click on image location. Highlight and copy the image address.

Then put on your facebook page.

Moo has instructions around here somewhere... if that helps.

are you still on FB? I can post them there for you if you need me to.

Hugs,

What a moron.

"I'm not looking to face what I did, I just want to run away from it with my fingers in my ears screaming 'la la laaaaaaa!!' and I'd like you to do the same."

EEEdjit.

t/j

How do I upload it onto facebook? Click in the status bar or what?

end t/j

So anyway.

I remember that in the conversation yesterday, he used the term *judgmental anger*. <--yea. I know that is just all kinds of wrong all by itself.....

The thing is.....I'm NOT angry. I told him that he chose the bachelor/big-shot path instead of the husband/father path and that it was too bad that the destination doesn't really *work* for him. His choice. I'm not angry because....why bother being mad about shit that I can't change? HE chose his path, so just f'n carry on already and STOP trying to live in both worlds and acting as if it's MY problem/deficiency because that is impossible.

@Jess--yea. I used that same analogy a while back and it went right over his head. My analogy had to do with me punching him in the face, apologizing (and saying it was *in the past*), and continuing to do it day after day.....

Rugsweeping. Yea. I've done that. In spades. The fall before I joined, I signed up for a rugsweeping deal. I agreed to completely NOT acknowledge anything that was *past*. None of HIS bad behavior, nor ANYTHING else that was unpalatable. Couldn't bring up the fact that he totally sold my car out from under me without my permission. Couldn't talk about any shitty thing that any member of his family had done to me. I gave him a totally clean slate. Why? Because I let myself believe that, just maybe, the *anger* that he claimed that I had really was clouding my judgment and not allowing me to see that he had *changed*.

Yea. That worked. When I made that deal, he was cheating with someone that I didn't even know about. He supposedly *broke up* with her.....for 4 whole days.

I know that a lot of you have dealt with this same type of stuff and can *get it*.