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TheAgonyOfIt (original poster member #39114) posted at 4:37 AM on Monday, May 20th, 2013
Hi. WS encouraged me to try to control my thoughts tonight and I felt very angry at first, because I feel he just thinks I'm unstable, too emotional etc. but then I realized there is wisdom in that advise so I went googling. This one article did help me quiet my painful thoughts, not through suppression but through a sort of detachment. I wish I knew how to actually meditate. (note to self: find a group this week!). Anyway here is link in case anyone might find some relief.
http://www.outofstress.com/stop-obsessive-thoughts/
And I welcome any of your own tactics for quieting the mind so some sense of peace can be restored.
Healing wishes to all.
Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Left home, job, whole life behind and difficult** adjusting. Dog injured and too much to handle. Supremely bummed out.
cantaccept ( member #37451) posted at 11:15 AM on Monday, May 20th, 2013
Good morning TheAgonyOfIt,
My Ic showed me this very simple technique to calm my mind. Cross your arms, right hand on left are, left hand on right arm. Breath calmly, close your eyes and pat your self, kind of like a heart beat.
It sounds silly and seems way too easy but I have found that it does calm me. Helps to take away the edge of the panic when thoughts get out of control.
He says that the left side of the brain and the right side of the brain have been split by the trauma. This is supposed to help with the integration. The rational vs. the irrational.
At first it did nothing for me but I have kept it up and it really does seem to help. I didn't believe him at first but it helps!
"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie
meplusfour ( member #38958) posted at 9:59 PM on Monday, May 20th, 2013
Thank you TheAgonyOfIt and cantaccept. I have been having trouble controlling my thoughts for the past few days (due to finding naked pictures of OW on WH's email account). I am going to use these techniques to try and reclaim my mind.
BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."
HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 4:26 AM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
I have been doing daily meditation for several years and find it very helpful. Here is a youtube link to an instructional video on beginning meditation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqeHYXjWtI0
There also some helpful guided imagery podcasts on the Kaiser permanente website at:
https://members.kaiserpermanente.org/redirects/listen/
[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 10:27 PM, May 20th (Monday)]
Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled
SAR681 ( member #36285) posted at 4:54 AM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
There is a tactic somewhere that if you visualize a giant red stop sign, it helps to stop the bad thoughts. But someone on here (I can't remember who now), said that they needed more. So, they visualized a foot actually kicking the thoughts out of their head. This usually works for me (when I remember to utilize it) - plus I get a little pleasure in kicking OW right in the face. :-)
BW – Me, 32 FWH - Him, 33
Married 9 years, together for 14
3 Kids: 5 yrs, 3 yrs, 18 months
MOW - my "friend"
DD#1 – July 2012, admitted to an EA
DD#2 – 1/14/13, finally admitted to PA
http://endureevolve.blogspot.com/
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