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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help if the OW is stalking me
Strydr
♂ New Member
Member # 38967
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BS just told me that the OW is potentially on her way to my home state in an attempt to get me back. I have sent email after email to cease and desist and admitting my fault and commitment to my BS and family.
I did this CC'ing my BS so it was known there was no open doors left. I have blocked her on all email accounts, changed my cell number, removed any possible way of contact other than thru my BS.
I do not want to see this person, have contact, or anything. I am trying to get help for my sex addiction, help with my marriage and focus on my BS and family.

What do I do if she shows up or what can I do??
I am on medical leave for Cataplexy which for me is very like Parkinson's disease. My daughter will be with me but I just can't continue taking it and I know my BS can't

Thanks


"Look up, Get up, and never Give up.."
--Rev. T.D. Jakes (Potter's House) said to Michael Irvin ( Dallas Cowboys) when he was a WS.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this for sure the ow is on her way to stalk and harass you or just a worry of your BS's that could potentially go nowhere? Not trying to down play anything, its just that youd have more luck with the police with a definate threat than with a potential one.

You can get a restraining order but I'm not sure how the laws in your state work. As in, not sure if she has to act first in a physically threatening way first or if the suspicion of the possibility is enough, kwim? Might be a good idea to just go ahead and file a report or maybe call a lawyer or even head down to your local PD and talk to someone.

Lastly, do you feel this woman is a threat to you or your family outside of her just showing up? Are you just worried bc you just don't want to see her at all? If its that then just don't answer the door. If she attempts to come in call 911 and report her attempting to break in- only if she is actually trying to though.

Good luck.

[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 11:44 AM, May 19th (Sunday)]


“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
Strydr
♂ New Member
Member # 38967
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stilllovinghim,

Thank you for your suggestions. Is it a strong potential...yes. She is not in a good frame of mind and my BS looks at her FB page to keep tabs on her. The OW knows this and put a post up about sleeping in another state tonight...and then promptly removed the post.
Now, could this have just been a game she's playing...yes. Do I feel she's a potential risk...yes. To harm not only herself but maybe others in her frame of mind. Luckily if she's flying the chance of a firearm are nil.
Not answering the door is for sure an option as I have troubles walking and if she were to show up the stress, anger and anxiety would have my cataplexy on full and I passout.
My 25 year old daughter will be with me and I will not be home most of the day tomorrow as I have medical appts. The following days of the week my oldest daughter will be with me if not me going to work with my BS.
Either way, no I don't want to have any contact with her... Not because it is or would be a trigger.. I'm upset that it is upsetting my BS and myself and interrupting my trying to reconcile and get help myself. I know her power is only that which I give her...but the effect she has on my family makes me angry.
If she were to show up I would for sure call 911 in hopes that this trek to see me would end in only talking to a policeman and the embarrassment be enough to shock her system into the reality that it is over and it wasn't real for me.

Thanks again and please keep any suggestions or experiences coming


"Look up, Get up, and never Give up.."
--Rev. T.D. Jakes (Potter's House) said to Michael Irvin ( Dallas Cowboys) when he was a WS.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would strongly recommend that your BS relinquish the role of "caretaker" here. It's not her responsibility to monitor your (kind of psycho) OW's facebook and, in fact, doing so may egg the OW on.

Block her. Block her so that there is NO temptation to look.

Then live your life. Focus on what REQUIRES your focus. OW does not.

Certainly, be mindful. Call the police if there is a threat.

But the high school FB games? Well, they're working. They are tearing your BS apart. They are taking your focus from her and redirecting it to OW.

And that is exactly what OW wants.

You've given her enough of your time and attention.

Pull yourself out of this tizzy. Log on to facebook with your wife and block OW from ALL of the family's accounts. She won't be able to see you, and vice versa. It will be as if she fell off the planet.

No one needs to keep tabs on what she's posting on the Most Artificial Place on the Planet.

I think once the monitoring ends, a great deal of your angst will end, freeing you to devote yourself to the real work of R.

Right now, it's just distractions.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8300 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would strongly recommend that your BS relinquish the role of "caretaker" here. It's not her responsibility to monitor your (psycho) OW's facebook and, in fact, doing so may egg the OW on.

Block her. Block her so that there is NO temptation to look.

Then live your life. Focus on what REQUIRES your focus. OW does not.

Certainly, be mindful. Call the police if there is a threat.

But the high school FB games? Well, they're working. They are tearing your BS apart. They are taking your focus from her and redirecting it to OW.

And that is exactly what OW wants.

You've given her enough of your time and attention.

Pull yourself out of this tizzy. Log on to facebook with your wife and block OW from ALL of the family's accounts. She won't be able to see you, and vice versa. It will be as if she fell off the planet.

No one needs to keep tabs on what she's posting on the Most Artificial Place on the Planet.

I think once the monitoring ends, a great deal of your angst will end, freeing you to devote yourself to the real work of R.

Right now, it's just distractions.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8300 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree, do not even look at her FB, do not look at any of her online activities.

You have let her know contact is over so the only thing she can do now is show up uninvited at your home, which is highly unlikely. She probably enjoys making you worry about it. If she does show up, don't answer the door, dial 911, and fill out a police report. Otherwise, just move on. I think the odds are in your favor the only thing she'll do to try to contact you is immature baiting on facebook.

Whatever you do, do not send any more emails explaining to her why she needs to stop or that it's over. This will only encourage her.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
TXwifemom
♀ Member
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS here. I just want to point out that if my WH told me to stop looking at the OWs FB page, it would raise some huge red flags to me!!!!! As in, he is seeing her again.

Perhaps address this with the MC?


Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
Jack317
♂ New Member
Member # 39010
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My AP continued to text and FB me and my BS. In our state, as long as you've told her to cease all contact, and you can prove it, you have 365 days to file harrassment charges against her. It's a misdemeanor, but, she'll still be arrested. Just just something to think about!

Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Jack317
Strydr
♂ New Member
Member # 38967
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all for your support and suggestions.

I'm going with the no answer door and call 911.

My BS has stopped watching FB after this and trust me...I want no contact and actually weeded down my 700 FB friends down to 126 family.


"Look up, Get up, and never Give up.."
--Rev. T.D. Jakes (Potter's House) said to Michael Irvin ( Dallas Cowboys) when he was a WS.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

weeded down my 700 FB friends down to 126 family

smart move that.
Best wishes to you both.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 10

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