SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I mourn the man I used to know

He left of his own free will

And though I see his face each day

It is not the same

I mourn my loss of innocence

My belief that he would never hurt me so

And though he is still here with me

Things will never be the same

I mourn who we were together

The marriage that I thought we had

And though my finger still wears that ring

It’s meaning is forever changed

I mourn my lost sense of importance to him

I hoped I was special, irreplaceable, necessary

And though he says I am

I now know that is untrue

And I mourn

[This message edited by inshockandhurt at 8:26 PM, May 18th (Saturday)]

Beautiful, in the saddest of ways.

Thank you for posting your poem.

Made my heart ache. Wonderful poem.

Thanks everyone.

Sums it up

Sad, touching

Very good poem. I can feel your pain.

I hoped I was special, irreplaceable, necessary

I hope someday you believe that you are those things. Whether he believes it or not, you are those things. He will never have another you.

Thank you house. I know I am unique and that he will never have another me, but I don't know, I feel like... hmmm... I can't even contemplate separating my life from him, even with him having an affair, he is the love of my life, and I thought I was that to him too. But now knowing that for several months he not only considered separating from me but found someone else that he wanted to be with instead of me, makes me feel less connected(?)less like he is in this forever, less like I am necessary to him, I don't know, I am having trouble describing this feeling. So while I know that I am unique as an individual, I feel like he doesn't really need me, since he was able to seriously contemplate leaving. Maybe that is ridiculous of me, but it's just how I feel sometimes.

Thanks everyone for reading my poem.

I can't even contemplate separating my life from him, even with him having an affair, he is the love of my life, and I thought I was that to him too.

I get that. I see from your profile that this is not your first time at the rodeo. It appears that he never dealt with his issues the first time around. I believe you are still the love of his life, the real one and not the one that is based on fantasy. I also know that statements like this can sound trite and its hard to find comfort in them at a time like this. I still hope you can find comfort in them. You are able to write what you wrote and you probably didn't realize how that speaks volumes at your ability to process through this hell. You served your soul on a plate and offered us a slice. You are strong.

But now knowing that for several months he not only considered separating from me but found someone else that he wanted to be with instead of me, makes me feel less connected

He is operating on guilt, fear, pride, and insecurity. He may be grooming you to become a submissive and forgiving wife upon his full return. Has he filed for D or is he making sure his bases are covered? He should be fighting for you, not the other way around. You're not being ridiculous. This is one of the most confusing brain fucks one will ever experience. Stay strong and keep writing.

[This message edited by housenotahome at 6:46 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]

Thanks for replying again house. My husband is actually trying really hard to R, he is complete NC with the OW (his relationship with her had become toxic and he was trying to find a way to end it when I found out)he is telling me sorry and listening when I need to talk, reading books and articles to try to do everything he can. He is trying to fight for me to the best of his ability I think, and I think things will work out eventually, at least I hope they will. I am just very worried that I will never feel the same in our marriage, that I won't be able to forgive him and that I won't be able to move past this. Anyway, thanks for listening, you are right about this being a brain fuck; I still have the feeling like it is all made up sometimes.