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I am having a difficult time trusting H. After DDay on February 5, 2012, H was still in contact with OW until August 2012. Unfortunately, there was 6 months of False R. I was totally devastated. The pain I felt was worse than when I initially found out. I am still having trouble healing from that 2nd DDay on October 2012. H wrote a NC letter. I just have this gut feeling that H has some type of contact with OW. Each time I ask if there is any contact he says “there is no contact”. I have a difficult time believing H as he was such a good liar and hid things so well during and after the affair. I have read in SI about affairs going underground. My question is; what types of underground affairs are there? How do I know H is telling the truth? I want to trust H because he has been remorseful, kind and loving. I just don’t want to get hurt again. H knows the consequences if I do find out he has been in contact with OW. Consequences are leaving him and getting a Divorce. Does anyone else feel like this or provide examples of underground affairs?

[This message edited by CannotTrust at 5:58 PM, May 17th (Friday)]

So sorry you are going through this. I don't know if my husband's affair went underground after DDay, but looking back it might of. Until last Christmas he claimed to want to salvage our marriage, said what was expected of him, went to marriage counseling, but didn't REALLY act like he gave a shit. That was almost more hurtful. Maybe he was mourning the loss of his new "love". I don't know. I can only give you the advice my therapist gave me...look at his actions, they speak louder than his words.

I've learnt it's not what they say its their actions.

My h with ow now but still contacts me and facetimes which is funny as she is believing everything he tells her.