SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have recently learned my wife who I loved and cherished for 30 years has had 3 PA and a number of EA. I do not drink or smoke or hurt her, I care for my family. I am just destroyed. She lied and cheated through our entire marriage. The first emotional EA was in the first year with an X. It was not until I backed her into a corner that she admitted to any thing then she was trapped it came out. Unprotected sex with these grubs. In my bed...my bed for god sake. I am trying to forgive but...can't do it. I think ..no I know there is still more to come out. She is holding back I can tell. I started to study lie detection by statement analysis, that's what caught her out, I was able to detect the BS from any story. She thought I was psychic. Wish I was I would have seen the pain I was about to be in. I am just so sad now, I will never be the same I know that.I have also told her I will never love her like I did, with that I took my wedding ring off forever.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. You don't deserve it.

It totally s*cks that you had reason to be here, but if the hell that is infidelity had to strike I'm glad for your sake that you've found us. You are NOT alone.

Been in the "just found out my entire married life was a lie" boat; it's surreal and a horror too big to wrap your mind around.

I, too, took off my wedding ring, and have never worn it again. Over a long course of time, we've reconciled, and we created a new ring with the stone from my original engagement ring.

In my bed...my bed for god sake.

I know. It horrifying. The desecration of your home and belongings is a whole 'nother level of violation. I burned my couch (outdoors) once I learned how it had been defiled.

Read like fury here on SI, both in the JFO and General Forums AND in the Healing Library (link is in the portrait-oriented yellow rectangle on the upper LH side of the screen). There's loads of information here and even more support.

This too shall pass; the Churchill quote about going through Hell really applies when you've just had your reality destroyed.

pass is totally right; you don't deserve it!

Know that you aren't alone. My entire M has been a fraud thanks to all his A's, lies, and secrecy. It tears you apart and the roller coaster ride of emotions will really put you thru hell. Vent and rage here all you need to to get thru it, but take some comfort in knowing that many of us are in the same position and know exactly how you are feeling.

I'm really sorry. There are quite a few of us here who were surprised to find out that we had marries serial cheaters. Please know that it isn't your fault.

Thank you everyone for the support. It is great to have some mates for a change. It has been interesting to see our friends rally around to support her in her hour of need and to tell me to get over it. I feel I was betrayed by the one person on the planet I totally trusted. I am proud to say I did not get angry, I did not yell, I said I will be here for her in support to assist her in her struggle. She is now facing uncertainty and is struggling with that. I do feel for her as I am not a cruel person. But F me if I am going to sit around and be treated like a doormat. My wedding ring I crushed with a hammer so there is no mistake about the fact I will never wear it again. Where I go now I don't know. My business and property are now for sale. I am setting myself up for the next barrage of lies to come out. I know it will still hurt but I have to know the truth the whole truth and nothing but.

I'm so sorry Sharpeshooter. I know how much this stuff devastates. Thoughts with you.

[This message edited by sparklingwater at 3:13 AM, May 17th (Friday)]

Sorry for the pain.

So sorry Sharpeshooter that you had to find SI but know your not alone. I too took off my rings and don't know if I will ever be able to wear them again. The pain is intense I am only 3 weeks out from D-Day and I have to force myself to function and to not break down hourly. But know you can always come here and not feel alone it has been a tremendous help to me. Like the others have said concentrate on doing things for YOU!!

(((Hugs)))

[This message edited by savvy at 8:55 AM, May 17th (Friday)]

I'm sorry you have to be here.

My life has been a sham too. I am eight months out from WH giving me what he called the truth and a couple of months out from the revised real truth.

I am continually in the process of sifting through all my memories and deciding a baseline for reality.

It sucks that we were not allowed the truth of our marriages.

So painful, so sad.

I wish you strength and healing, my friend.

I found a strange strength today, I had the urge to confront about a few details in her far fetched story that don't ad up to me. I stayed strong and didn't do it. After all I know she will lie. Am I to remain the fool that asks a question and gets fed a load? Do I really believe this and continue to listen to stories that just don't even go close to truth? I think not. I have now said she has I week to come clean, If I find out anything new after that, 180. I have drawn a line in the sand, my line. I have learned a lot in my short time here in this site. Most importantly I learned I am not alone in this struggle. I have also learned they all keep drip feeding the crap to us until we suffer traumatic stress. No more, I am done with that, I am worthy of better than that. I demand better than that, I will accept nothing less than her best, if I do not get the best I will be better off with 180.

{{{{{sharpshooter}}}}

I'm sorry. No-one deserves this.

Welcome.

k9

Try asking her to write it all out and hand you a copy after a few days. Maybe it will be easier to tell the truth when she's not in your presence. Also you will have it all down in writing if she tries to revise her story.

Tell her this written account must be the final, totally truthful version if the marriage is to continue.

Sharp. So sorry bro. It sucks. Agree about the written timeline. I'd start there. Then at least you can sit down and see what your being asked to forgive. Glad you found this place, wish I would have sooner.

Shooter, I have a feeling you are going to be just fine. stay strong.

(((sharpeshooter))) I'm sorry you have found yourself here. Stay strong.

Sharpeshooter, welcome to SI. So sorry you had to find yourself here, with the rest of us BSs. You will find a lot of comfort here.

Agree about having her write a written timeline.

Sending you hugs & strength.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 7:38 PM, May 18th (Saturday)]

I'm sorry you've found yourself here :(

So sorry this has happened to you, but it sounds like you've got exactly the right attitude if you want to save yourself more pain. Smashing your wedding ring and standing up for your right not to be fed a load of S is fine behaviour. It will serve you well in whatever is to come. This WILL pass... and BS's have a lot of control over how long the pain lasts.

Hi Sharpeshooter

Aussie lady here. My FWH and I have also been married for 30 years. So I know just how you feel. My FWH was at it for God knows how long.

I caught him in an EA 25 or so years ago (can't remember now). He gaslighted and I was stupid. I had a young daughter and believed him. After that I never suspected anything (obviously he got better at covering his tracks). You can read my story here: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/profiles.asp?UserID=28997

I found out in 2010 that he had been screwing other women for at least the previous 16 years. He didn't "confess" to anything. I found out about OW3 first and he swore for weeks that she was the only one. I then found out about OW2 and OW1. He denied the whole time. So I strongly suspect that there may have been OW24, maybe OW80? Who knows?

We are still together after 3 years. The anni of my dday is May 28.

It's been hard. Really horrible for the first few months but the people here have kept me sane.

Stay with us. Head down to "I Can Relate" Long Term Affairs. The tribe there are amazing. They will help you. I promise.

BIG HUGS

Laura

ETA:

I am trying to forgive but...can't do it.

After 3 years I haven't. I doubt I ever will. There is no rule that says you have to. FWH knows how I feel.

He tells me he loves me most days and that he is sorry two or three times a week. I never tell him I love him and have not worn my rings since dday. I have also told him that if I wake up one day and feel like I want to leave I will. I have also told him that if he cheats again we are done. There will be no second chances. (Some would say that my attitude is not conducive to R. I say F... it. Infidelity for most of our M gives me a license to do what I want).

Maybe I will feel differently one day. I don't know. As a friend from LTA once said "I like him well enough and it suits me to stay".

YOU don't have to do anything. It is all on her now. If she wants you she has to earn you back.

Just take care of yourself.

[This message edited by Laura28 at 4:43 AM, May 19th (Sunday)]